ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
smooch
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ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
let's suppose you are away on a business trip for your company at a trade show with many other employees from your company.
at the end of a grueling day, several of you plan to meet up for dinner, and one of your co-workers suggests that you drop by his hotel room to get him before you go.
so you do. he answer the door in a towel, saying he's almost ready, you can wait. you sit in one of the arm chairs, he goes back into the bathroom (shuts door) to finish dressing. you pick up a magazine to read it.
he comes out of the bathroom buck naked. you bury your face into your magazine, very uncomfortable.
he says this is normal in his culture. you say you are uncomfortable.
he doesn't come on to you in any way, but he parades around the hotel room naked.
you make a beeline for the door and make regrets about not being able to go to dinner.
do you report this to your company? what if it happened 4 years ago? assume you both still work there, and you are concerned he does this to other employees. also note that he is moving up in ranks around the company. also note that he has been in our country for MANY MANY years and is VERY familliar with our culture and what is deemed appropriate or not appropriate, regardless of what is appropriate in his culture.
butterfly20
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
if you told him you were uncomfortable and he still paraded aroound naked, then i would say you have every right to contact manager or human resources so it can go in his file.
Lunatrek
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
This is JUST ME, but I would say nothing UNLESS I overheard anyone else have a similar experience, and then I would talk to that individual only (at first) and take it from there. In the meantime, STAY AWAY from that guy!!! But you don't want to 'stir up the pot'. It's just your word against his right now, and if he's moving up in the company apparently a lot of people respect him. It's (unfortunately) a man's world. Just lay low for now, but keep your guard up! I don't know what 'culture' thinks it's perfectly fine to walk around naked. Especially when you're not in your culture anymore, you should know better. Shame on him. Be careful!
Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
yikes...I'm not sure what to do in the business situation, but when DH and I were in Spain with his family...his mom walked around in only underwear in the morning to go to the bathroom and such...when I told DH he didn't see the big deal...so yes it can be cultural
on the business side...I found a letter in our department printer that my boss wrote to some lady he met on aol...and it was completely disgusting...I first found another job...and then after I left...i told eveyone I knew...but I probably should have let him have his private life
goldilocks
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
WHOA!! Totally inappropriate and I don't care what his culture is! I don't buy his excuse about that either. He definitely has issues and got off on what he did. It may not have directly been a come-on, but it WAS intended to affect you, possibly a power thing to make you uncomfortable or intimidate you. 'Flashers' do it for that reason.
My advice is to speak with someone high up in the HR department. Tell them, be clear that you're not making a sexual harassment claim, although you totally could, but that it happened 4 years ago and you regret not speaking up then. What they do with the information is up to them but he is A DEVIANT!! Please, tell them. Maybe all they'll do is make him go to counseling, like with EAP or something. How very uncomfortable for you to have to continue working with him. p.s. On a lighter note, how big was he?
smooch
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
in my original post (before I edited it) i had his culture in there but realized that it didn't matter what his culture is. i won't pretend to know the ins and outs of his culture, but i don't think that would be acceptable at all. i think they are very proper, and i don't consider this behavior proper.
i don't deal with him at all anymore, and i see him only occasionally. i dont' deal with anyone who does deal with him either, so i wouldn't over hear anyone else tell a similar story.
i don't want to stir the pot, i just want to be sure he doesn't do this to someone else. i really don't think he had bad intentions, but i don't know, and i would hate for someone to find themselves in the same predicament but not know how to handle it.
my BF at the time was LIVID and wanted to do something. i should have said something then.
i guess i just want to do the right thing. if i say something, it would be a big deal. but if i don't, it could be a BIGGER deal to an innocent person.
MrsTC
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
YES. Tell HR although they may ask you why you did not report it 4 yrs ago. At least it will be documented and if it ever happens again, they have a case. It's inappropriate.
smooch
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
goldilocks - you make sense.
and about his size - didn't look! literally buried my face in the magazine!!!!
jennbaby
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
Whoa! His culture is one thing, but he is not in his enviornment and thats just inappropriate no?
jennbaby
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
and about his size - didn't look! literally buried my face in the magazine!!!!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fran M
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
I agree with Goldilocks but just want to add - and I will probably get blasted for this.
Once he opened the door in the towel you had no business entering his room. You should have met him in the lobby or had him call you when he was ready to go.
goldilocks
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
IMO, if it's not a big deal, HR will dealwith it accordingly. It should be dealt with confidentially, this is not a gossip item, we're talking about going through the appropriate channels. I'm not saying this makes me an expert, but I'm in the Social Work field and I deal with individuals with sexually inapporpiate behaviors to say the least! I do not think it was innocent. You were asked to come to his room! Had you stopped by and found him undressed and he didn't care, different story.
You are uncomfortable for a reason! Trust your gut.
Jordan
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
Once he opened the door in the towel you had no business entering his room. You should have met him in the lobby or had him call you when he was ready to go.
Since you knew you'd get blasted ... There is no reason to blame the victim and that line of reasoning, does. For argument's sake, let's say it went a few steps further and he violated her, would you still say what you said? Would you actually *blame* the victim?
Back to the topic...I would go to HR but I honestly don't see what would be done since it happened 4 years ago and he's moving thru the ranks. But, it doesn't hurt to speak with them.
ILT1221
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
Smooch if being naked is a part of his culture then why did he answer the door in a towel?? I think it was completely inappropriate for him to parade around naked on a business trip. It doesn't matter if it was 4 years ago...if it still bothers you or he makes you uncomfortable..etc you have the right to report it. Its up to management how they want to deal with it. Its obviously still bothering you and I think what's wrong is if you keep it bottled up inside.
smooch
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
i wouldn't have agreed to wait if he hadn't told me was just finishing getting dressed, and he did go back into the bathroom and shut the door. so i wasn't concerned really.
i don't know if the guy should be disciplined because of this. that's not my call. i just don't want anyone else to find themselves in that position. i would only report it for that reason.
i don't want to report it because i don't want to make a big stink out of something that didn't really affect me terribly. i mean yes, i was severely uncomfortable, but i got over it. i did, however, switch depts soon after. and whenever i do see the guy, i am very uncomfortable. i just don't see him often, maybe once or twice a year.
i certainly wouldn't gossip this. the ONLY two people who know about it are my BF at the time (still a good friend) and DH, who works at the same company.
i'm also afraid of backlash. what if i report it, and then all of a sudden i'm let go in a layoff? or since that could be a lawsuit, what if DH were let go? i couldn't live with that...
Sonicstef
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
If it happened 4 years ago, it seems just vindictative to mention something now.
Plus no matter what anyone says, word gets around and making an issue of it now could hurt your career. I know thats not how its supposed to be but this is the real world.
I dont think the 'blaming the victim' comment is warrnated here - you were not victimized. Yes, that guy is a freak and i can totally see how uncomfortable that situation was - but if it were 4 years ago and nothing has happened since, i would just let it be.
If he is doing it to others, its not right to go to HR for them.
jenny2penny
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
Oh wow! That's really awkward. I am not sure what I wpi;d do, aspecially with the years ago it occured. Is there someone in HR you could talk to and not mention names and see what they suggest???
I definetly would not go to peoples rooms no more, meet them in lobby/bar area
prncssrachel
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
OMG! Hmmm, be prepared to answer the question of what you were doing there in the first place. It is obviously NOT your fault in any way, shape or form, but I think that unless you know of this happening for a fact to other people, then you probably should not say anything at this point. It was four years ago, and as long as you stay away from him, then I wouldn't think much about it. If, though, this is something he does that you know of, I would probably say something. They might wonder why you waited so long, though. Good luck.
Xelindrya
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
I can't believe you kept your cool. I have this tendency to laugh at uninvited naked men.
I'd report it. It can't hurt. Sure they may ask why you didn't report it before. So what? It wont be the first time HR people get stuff late. As someone here said, it's not like you're pressing charges.
hehe.. Free Willy.. LOL
Sorry you had to go through that. I guess you've effectively learned not to enter a man's run when he's only wearing a towel lest you be shocked later.
dkga1026
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Re: ethical question re business ethics (naked coworker)
Let me start by saying that this guy sounds insane. But, I completely agree with what Sonicstef wrote. Saying something 4 years later while he's moving up the ladder only makes you look jealous of his success - even though that isn't the case. This should have been dealt with as soon as it happened or soon thereafter otherwise it becomes a case of he said/she said. You're better off letting it go at this point.
