Hi Guys. I am really upset so I need advice. As you know, I moved cross country two months ago to live with my FI. We have been dating for a little over two years. My FI dated this one girl (whom he affectionally calls THE RAPTOR) for almost five years. They have been broken up for over four years now. She had cheated on him repeatedly. She called our house last night when my FI was at the firehouse. I recognized her last name on the caller ID so I picked up the phone. She didn't even say hello, just 'Did somebody page me?' I told her no. (She knows this is my FI's # since he had the same one when they dated). She told me her name and said that somebody was paging her. I told her no again. She then asked for my name. And even wanted me to spell out my last name! Psycho. My FI told me that she once stalked the girl he dated after her. I have no idea why she called. The last time he spoke to her, she tried to get him to break up with his girlfriend at the time (and she was going to break up with her boyfriend) so they could get back together. He told her no and she left hysterical. He thinks it is because she found out he was getting married and wanted to gather info. So I don't know what to do. Should he call her back? Part of me wants him to, just to tell her that he is getting married and to leave us alone. Maybe that will give her closure. Part of me doesn't want him to open that flood gate. His first instinct is to call her back and see what she wants. That was mine too. Am I just being a jealous fiancee???
IrishTracy
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
Girls like this make me sick!! They have nothing better to do then cause sh!t!! If it's over then GET OVER IT!!! I would ignore it! And if she calls back just don't answer. If you ignore them USUALLY the go away!!
Mary
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
No, you are being cautious. Why would this girl want you to spell out your last name? It sounds like a ploy. I think your FI should call her, set her straight and tell her to stop this nonsense about 'someone paged me.' Obviously, she is lying and you really don't need a stalker in a new city.
Scoop
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
When I first started dating my husband, his ex was a stalker too. They had been broken up over a year and she still called him. Since our relationship was so new, I felt he should deal with this situation on his own. He called her and told he was with someone else now and for her to move on. He changed his home/cell phone # too and we never heard from her again.
jenny2penny
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
I agree, he should not call her back, but if by chance she does call, I'd say straight out, 'please do not call here, we are busy with our wedding plans and don't have the time or interest digging up useless past. Move on!!!'....CLICK!
Robeymuse
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
thanks. Luckily she doesn't have his cell phone number but she does know where the house is.
He recently bought an X5 so it has temporary tags on it. I am driving his Blazer (which has his firefighter tags on it). He thinks she might see the X5 gone (which she thinks would be my car since it is new) and only see the Blazer in the driveway (when he is at the firehouse one night) and just drop by, thinking he is home alone. I guess that is why I want him to call so I don't get any surprise visits.
kelly4
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
MY ex was stalking me and making up all these excuses to talk to me. He even sent me anonymous email greetings that said 'somebunny loves you!' and fu@Ked around with my computer. Long story, but I had finally bought a house with my DH (FH at the time) and never published our info in the phone book and my friends wouldn't give him my #. Now I havent' gotten phone calls from him and he leaves me alone. I think that's your best bet- cut all ties!
JuneBabyBride
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
I would just leave things alone until she makes another attempt to call and then he should set her straight and let her know that you are his fiance and you are getting married and to leave you guys alone.
If she ever was to stop by just don't answer the door or tell her he's not home and to go away.
I hope she leaves you guys alone!!
Anniegrl
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
I would let it go. Change your home phone number and keep it unlisted.
And, if the girl decides she wants to stop by for a visit, let her! Maybe if she meets you that'll snap her into reality. If not, beat her down (j/k )
Jess2
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
I understand you wanting to have your FH call her, but I agree with the idea that you should just let it go. Crazy people like this may just want to stir up trouble and she may want your FH to call her. If she calls again, then I would just tell her that you know who she is, what she is doing, and to leave you guys alone.
MSCJLK
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
What I would do is that the next time she calls and you see her number on the caller id I would answer the phone either this is a resturant or ' County Morgue' maybe she will get the idea…
nrvbrd
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
I am sorry you are going through this.
Do NOT let FH call her- as crazy as she is she may think that he still cares and wants to be with her again.
If she calls again politely tell her that you are busy and cannot talk to her and to have a nice day. Being rude will just antagonize her. Exude confidence, do not let her think you are getting to her.
If she continues to harass you guys- RESTRAINING ORDER- please.
kmcwed
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
When DH and I were first dating, he had a stalker, too. One of the first night's I stayed over his house, the next morning while he was in the shower, he got a package from his stalker. I answered the door, but didn't know who it was from. If I knew, I would have refused the package. But anyway, he got out of the shower, told me it was from his stalker, and I was NOT happy.
I told him I did NOT want him to open it. I told him to send it back unopened or throw it out, and tell her to get lost once and for all.
I'm not sure if he followed my wishes or not. But since then, he hasn't heard from her. I think she contacted him once around 9/11 to see if he was okay, but he told her he was engaged and to leave us alone.
I don't see anything wrong with your FI calling her to tell her he is engaged and she needs to buzz off. I wouldn't worry about her. He's obviously had his chance to be with her and he doesn't want to be. He chose YOU. Keep that in mind.
februarybride
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
The girl is looking for attention. And attention whether it be postive or negative attention, it's still attention. I would not have your FI call her back. That is exactly what she wants, she wants to talk to him. If she calls back don't answer the phone - completely ignore her. Eventually she will stop. Prior to DH and I dating his ex used to call him everyday. They would get on the phone and he would tell her to leave him alone and stuff. But she would still call back. The point is she just wanted to still have him in her life, even if it mean that he cursed and screamed at her.
aliasPook
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
Brian has one like that. A few years ago, I found emails on teh PC which were recent stating what if I left my husband and you leave your girlfriend and we get back together, how does that sound? When I found the letters, I broke up with him and emailed her back. SHe thought I was crazy. It's not his fault that she is pursuing him, so as much as you want to yank her through the phone as I wanted to do through the PC, trust him and she will go away peacefully.
I had an ex that stalked me...and it died off...but finally ended when I moved...changed numbers...emails...everything...and I haven't heard from him...now since I am 3000 m away...I don't think I ever will again...the funny thing is that he cheated on me...and then was stalking??!!!
alias...I had a similar situation with a girl that just liked DH!! they had never dated , but she was willing to break up if he was...ugh she makes me SICK!!!
Ronnie&Theresa
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
Jen!!!!!!!!
Hi momma..
2 things.. if she calls again press *57... It traces the call and you can make a police report.....
Other thing.
Give me the #.....
I will get howard beach on her a@@ bet she never calls again!!
Love you!
kmcwed
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
OMG! Too funny Theresa.
After reading February's post, I kinda have to agree and change my mind about your FH calling her back. It's probably true that she's seeking attention and if he calls her back she's getting what she wanted.
Just ignore her and hopefully she'll get the hint. Either don't pick up when she called (if you have caller ID), or just hang up without saying anything if she happens to be on the other end of the phone.
I think anything like confronting her or yelling at her is only going to fuel her fire.
And don't let it get between your FH and you. She's not worth it!!
Robeymuse
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Re: Ex-girlfriends (upset- long)
thank you so much. I feel better already. I told my FI that it would make me uncomfortable if he called. So we will see if she tries again.
Thanks T! She was calling from her parents house, it showed on the caller ID. I will be on the lookout for any drive-bys though.
Gotta love psycho women
Ronnie&Theresa
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Jen it doesn't matter you have to press that # to trace the call.
I did it already. Pressed charges had the girl arrested. this was liek 3 years ago. Trust me SHe won't call once she knows she is getting into DEEEP sh)) for it...
