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Fight with bridesmaid help!

I feel your pain. My wedding is under a month away and I have a bridesmaid who is making me feel guilty about everything. She will barely talk to me because her alterations ended up costing more than she thinks she should spend. I feel really bad but what can I do. I'm trying not to let it get to me but it is really bringing me down.

Fight with bridesmaid help!

Get rid of this bridesmaid!! she is only going to let you down in the long run!!

Fight with bridesmaid help!

I was in a similar situation once but I was the bridesmaid. I was not really close to the bride to begin with but she asked me to be a bridesmaid and I excepted. Just before the wedding we got into a huge argument (it wasn't related to the wedding though) but I still felt like she didn't want me in her wedding party. So I approached her and said that considering the circumstances I think I should back out of her wedding party, she agreed. She still invited me to the wedding and I went but we were both releived that I backed out.
Even though your BM is not asking you to back out that may be exactly what she is waiting for. I would ask her back out considering the circumstances.
Good Luck!

Fight with bridesmaid help!

I would defintely talk to her and find out what the problem is. I wouldnt hold off on that. Maybe you will find out she really doesnt want to be part of the wedding. It is so hard to understand how you could be there for everybody elses special day and when it is yours they make it so lowkey. That is what I am finding out. Good luck!

Cindy...and lowkey

I have to agree with your comment that you are there for everyone else, but when it is your day, people seem to want it low key.

I am having that problem with my father and brother. My father remarried after my mother passed away, and I didn't think twice about getting there, getting a special dress, and spending time doing whatever they wanted of me. Same for my brother's wedding. However I am feeling as if I am inconveniencing everyone by having a wedding! My father even asked me why I am going all out! I'm paying for it, so I don't know why it is an issue. Gee, my first wedding...I know I am 39...but don't I get my day too?
Sorry to rant. Your comment struck a nerve with me.

Fight with bridesmaid help!

Sounds to me as if she is jealous. Talk to her first, and give her the option to back out before you unask her.
I was recently asked, then unasked to be a bridesmaid, because the girl assumed I couldn't afford to be in her wedding because mine is a few months after hers. Anyway she assumed wrong and now our friendship is ruined forever. She asked someon in my place!

Diana

I do understand. I am enjoying my time planning, but you cant help some dissapointment you feel about all the people you have been there for with their weddings, birthday parties, etc. It is amazing how some people are when it isnt about them. That is what it really boils down to.

Fight With BM!!!!

I dont get it!!!! Why do these girls even say yes when you ask them to be a part of your day. It should be happy, and they should be HONORED to be a part of your wedding, and if they get mad about cost of alterations, then they should keep it to themselves. I didnt have too much of a problem. But I have been in parties, and I just kept my mouth shut, because it was not my wedding, just very honored to be a prt of my friend's wedding.

Fight With BM!!!!- My opinion...

I agree with the jealousy. You said that she is also engaged and they have not set a date. Has she been engaged longer than you? Because sometime exspecially during a wedding people become very jealous and downright MEAN!!!. I had a problem with one of my bridesmaids and I just told her that she is not a good friend and that I don't want her to be a part of my wedding. True friend emerge during the time of your wedding. I aslo trhink that you should talk to her and let her know that she behaved like child yelling at you in front of your fiance and in public. Maybe he jealousy is more that what you see on the surface. Be the bigger person and find out...

Fight With BM!!!!- My opinion...

As to the fact that my day has started in the gutter I will give you my opinion. So you know it will be negative.
BTW thanks for letting me vent b/c I know I will be having the same problem in the future but am getting prepared to handle it now.
You don't need to be worried about others and their behavior. She is jealous. One of my BM I think is as well. Now don't get offended anyone but she was pregnant while she was married, was forced to get married b/c of the pregnancy and now is having problems with her husband. She didn't have the wedding she always talked about having. So she is not interested in any of my planning or conversations on my wedding. I have come to realize that she is somewhat jealous and I would rather leave her out of the party than to have her act up, when I don't need the stress and agrivation.
So after my situation all I have to say is explain to her you have noticed and heard her comments and actions. If she doesn't feel comfortable being in your wedding and she will soon have to plan for her own, then its okay if she is not a part of it. As a consolation, maybe have her read?? I think I will have my friend do that if I see no interest from her in the near future.

Thank You everyone!

Thank youfor everyone's opinion. She e-mailed me late last night...with a half ass apology and not much else. I think that it is lame to hide behind an e-mail rather than call me. I am not sure what to do. I wrote back that I refuse to discuss this in an e-mail and she should call me when she wants to talk. I am so sad...I don't need this aggravation.

Just my 2 cents

I doubt that she meant to blow up at you when she did. She is probably having a lot of problems in her own life and she took it out on you. Jealous-maybe, unhappy and stressed out-I am sure. Maybe she is not going to be able to afford the same kind of wedding as you and feels that hers will not be as nice. I am not making excuses for her though. She needs to call- not e-mail- you and talk. If she is upset over money or jealous. Talk to her about it. Sometimes friendships need some patience and understand too. In the end the decision to continue with her in the bridal party must come from the heart. If either of you doesn't feel that it is a good idea then she should not be a part of it. But talking is the only way to figure this all out, as with all other relationships.

Thank You everyone!

Mickeya1a-
Your post hit a nerve with me. I went through something very similar a month ago. In short, she backed out of my wedding party and now she won`t speak to me. Our 9 year friendship is now ruined. It`s so odd that these events really bring out who your true friends are-it`s an honor to be asked.
Just know that you`re not alone on how you`re feeling.
-Leelee

x

x

for Pepper....Me Too!!!

Pepper, when I read you post it was as if you were telling my story exactly. I too do not know quite what to do.
The way she (my MOH and long time best friend) is acting and the comments she has passed over the past few monthsgot to be too much and we had an arguement....a month an a half ago. Those close to me feel that what she was doing and saying was out of jealousy. Since, she talks to me much less now and keeps conversations short. I expected her to be more mature. She doesn`t respond to anything I say about the wedding now.
I want to bring it up to clear the air but I, my mother, and my FH know that with her it is best to just wait for her to get over it...no matter how long it takes. Apparently it isn`t too upsetting to her b/c her mother was bragging about how she`s my MOH to a mutual friend of our parents.
I just wish everything was fine again. I`d love to have her to talk to. My cousin is my BM and has been fantastic and supportive all the way through (too bad she`s in Georgia)!
Thanks for the post though...it made me feel better to know others are going through similar situations as I am. I wish you all the best with your MOH and with your wedding! It will be a beautiful day!

Thanks Pentagon!!! Yay for strong US!!!! *NM*