family member situation/vent/advice (long sorry)

Ok so I have this one aunt, whose daughter (my cousin) is a bridesmaid in my wedding. About a month ago, when I went to get my dress at Lillette's, she was there, as well as my cousin who is in the wedding. They went and looked at the BM dresses there, and picked one out that they had liked. It was a pretty dress, didn't blow me away but whatever. It was $230. I told them that I would look online on the website to see what the colors actually looked like (the sample dress was in black and the swatches were really tiny) and to hold off on placing an order for now.

So fast forward a week and I decide to go into the new davids bridal that opened up in massapequa. Well i looked at the BM dresses there and I thought there were pretty dresses that the girls could select based on what they feel comfortable in (ex. strapless, halter) and they were only $105 and it would also be good for FH's cousin that lives in florida who is a BM, to order it by a davids by her house. I tried on the dress to make sure it was comfortable and looked nice. My mom then sent a picture of me in it to my aunt and told her these were going to be the BM dresses.

My aunt then called back literally screaming over the phone about how she didn't like the dresses... and now every time i see her at a family function she pulls me aside and is like 'jen the other dress was so pretty, those dresses you picked out are not, you want your BM's to look good' and i swear i want to cry each time... she keeps going 'I dont care if i have to shell out the extra money (for her daughter who is in the BP)' but she doesnt realize theres other people in the BP too!

yesterday she brought it up again at a family bbq, and i was like 'honestly i didnt see anything special with that other dress you picked out.' and shes like 'that dress was really pretty! i heard the dresses at david aren't nice at all!' at that point i turned around and like wanted to cry. i am so sick of this and how everyone has an opinion about something on my wedding (like how its in the daytime, etc). its getting to the point where wedding planning isn't even fun anymore and i would rather just go to vegas rather than deal with this BS.

Sorry i guess i just had to vent. i don't know what i should do or say the next time she brings it up, suggestions? Sorry this was so long!

TIA

WOW... your Aunt needs to keep her opinion to herself on this one...

If she brings it up again I would just tell her that it is your wedding, you get to pick the dress and that you don't want to ask ALL of your bridesmaids to buy a $230 dress that YOU, THE BRIDE, isn't even in love with. Like you said, it's all well adn good that she's willing to give her daughter the extra $$ for the dress but what about everyone else??? She needs to back off, she's not being fair to you and how would she like it if someone badgered her daughter about her dress choice when she gets engaged??

she really needs to be put in her place, im so sorry shes doing this to you and bringing you to tears everytime to see/talk to her.

i would at firsy have my mom say something, cuz i know with my family they may take it as 'disrespect' if i go off on her lol, but i would just have my mom pull her aside and tell her she needs to stop and that its your wedding and youll pick whatever you damn feel like it!

I am really sorry they're acting crappy but you don't seem to really be standing up for yourself. You're feeling bad because you're letting them make you feel bad.

It's YOUR wedding. It's YOUR decision on the dresses. When you FIRMLY tell them what you want they will respect your decision. Or tell them not to be in BP if they're made.

What matters is that you're happy. Sooner or later, everyone will get over their crap once you start being firm and putting your foot down.

That is SO wrong. She's not even wearing the dress!! Itsy our wedding and she needs to know that.

Can you try talking to your cousin about it? Or maybe get your mom involved?

It sounds like she's really hurting you and if you feel like you're going to cry every time she says something (I'm like that..I cry so easily) i would get someone else to talk to her (because i know me personally i cant talk when im that upset).

I'm glad you posted this so I'm not the only one saying this lol... you NEED to stand up to her, it's so ridiculous, or you need to tell your mom to stand up to her. It is soooo ridiculous that she did this and continues to do this, enough of trying to please everyone else, she doesn't even have to wear the dress herself, it's just so wrong of her to pressure you like this. When her daughter gets married, let her tell her daughter everything to do, this is so not her place.

All you need to do is tell her 'I'm sure you mean well but it upsets me every time you say this to me, it's stressing me out and I wish you would just appreciate that THAT is the dress I want, and it's actually saving you money, so just please stop with this dress thing because it's hurting my feelings.' Or if you can't say that to her, have your mom say it. But enough is enough already, she clearly is not getting the hint so you need to be direct, you shouldn't feel bad, she should.

Hun, don't take this the wrong way but you have to stand up for yourself! I agree with the majority of the brides here. That is only way to deal directly with pushy people in life (whether they are related to you or not). Your aunt should understand (of all people) that it is your wedding. It is not her daughter's wedding. If she is making a big deal out of a BM's dress now, I would hate to see how she plans her daughter's wedding.
Sit down and have a direct talk with her. Be very frank and stern! I know, it will be a very long and difficult talk w/o a fight. However, it has to be done at some point. Of course, this means that it might create some sparks within the family since your cousin is also your BM. Or would you rather shell out $230 specifically for your cousin's dress & have each of your BM's pay that amount for their dress (they will remember & hold a grudge). Let her know that it is your wedding. You are the bride! Either your cousin has to sacrifice her comfort and bear with a dress for one day. Or since she vouch to pay for the dress, let her know the total cost for all of the BM's dresses and tell her she can pay for the entire cost b/c your other BM's can not afford that kind of expense. Don't let anyone walk over you like that regardless of who they are b/c it will only empower them to treat you that way if you don't speak up. I wish you the best of luck with everything!

You really don't need to have a talk with her b/c the bottom line is that this is your wedding and if you like the dresses and the other girls do too, that's all that matters. Auntie is not even wearing the dress! While I don't mind opinions, I will not have anyone undermining my decisions, not even FH!
Phew...sorry, got a little angry there at that last part. But you get the drift!

I would tell her to fk off and it is your wedding - I don't care if she is your aunt - i am so sick of people

or tell her to pay for all the girls dresses if she is so concerend about the expensive one

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Posted by MrsHazel2B

You really don't need to have a talk with her b/c the bottom line is that this is your wedding and if you like the dresses and the other girls do too, that's all that matters. Auntie is not even wearing the dress! While I don't mind opinions, I will not have anyone undermining my decisions, not even FH!
Phew...sorry, got a little angry there at that last part. But you get the drift!

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ITA...she sounds a annoying and relentless..I personally wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut. I would say in a nice way that you know her intentions are well but the comments don't help because you love the dress and its your wedding!