family vent - REALLY long, sorry!

removed - thanks girls

I would take a step back and think about it from your mothers point of view - maybe she realizes how busy the two of you are with school and work and im sure bills as well, and maybe she thinks that it is not your responsibility to pay for the wedding - i know that my mother came from the mentallity that she didnt want to put us in a 'hole' (as she says) with the wedding - she wants us to be able to walk away from the wedding and have some type of money for a down payment on a home- maybe she felt that the right thing to do would be to ask him to chip some money in, and didnt want to put you guys in a position to ask. I dont think she was being wrong for asking him - even tho everyone thought it was a bad idea - but yes i do think she was wrong for lying to you about it
Just take a step back and think about it - maybe she just doesnt have the money to pay for the entire thing on her own - i would be thankful that she cares that much to give you guys the wedding that you want - even tho it may mean asking FFIL to chip in some $$ - I would take a deep breath and step back, she meant well i am sure

Although I do think she was wrong to go against you and FHs wishes just to play devils advocate--why SHOULDNT FFIL help pay for the wedding? Im sorry, but just because HE doesnt believe in a wedding, that doesnt mean he cant help pay for his sons wedding!?

Did he agree and said he would help pay? Thats what it sounds like. If he did, then maybe your mom was right to ask him afterall and everyone else was just being super sensitive and assuming he would flip out.

I know you def dont need added stress, but I think your mom was lookng out for your best interest and trying to RELIEVE some of the stress of paying for the wedding on your own.

Regardless, here are big hugs for you.

I think your mom is doing what she thinks is best for you and FH. Why shouldnt his dad offer up some cash for you guys. I agree that it wasnt her place to ask him for money, but you can't change what she did. She probably lied to you because she knew you would be upset, she didn't do it to offend you or FH, she did it bc she wants you both to have help from everyone.

was your FFIL really mad that she did that? If not then I wouldnt dwell on it. Just forget it and if he gives you guys money just take it and thank him.

ICK....What a sticky situation......I def. don't think it was HER place to ask, but I think she def. means well.

On a non related note....I'm getting married at the Vineyard too!!

thanks girls