Fatherless Daughters

I lost my father in January and don't know how I am going to have a wedding without him.
I feel I am going to have a very 'non-traditional' wedding.

Any ideas on what to do with first dances and things like that?

I think my mom is going to walk me down the aisle since I don't have any male figures in the family.

For the parent dance- what about the idea of my fiancee dancing with my mom and me dancing with HIS dad? Is that weird?

As favors, we thought we would donate money to the cancer society and write a personal note on scrolls......dedicated to my dad's name?

Any advice on how to survive my wedding day without crying out of sadness?

I really wanted my dad to be there. He loved to dance!!!

First, I am sorry for your loss. It's a pain you feel everyday but I'll be honest it's a little sharper on the wedding day.

My father and DH's mother both died of cancer several years ago so we did the exact same thing you mentioned - a donation with a personal note. We also dedicated our wedding programs to them.

My mother walked me up the aisle and wouldn't have had any other way.

We skipped all the parent dances since we felt they didn't really apply to us. We were throwing around the idea of doing the Brida-FIL/Groom -MIL dance but for personal reasons didn't. I think it's a beautiful idea but may also be more difficult as you dance with your FIL thinking it should be your father.

I had a few rough moments during the wedding weekend - I couldn't go near my uncle at all because he reminded me of my father too much. Good thing I don't really like him though

But most of the time I was really elated to be married to my best friend, celebrating that with all my friends and family. It goes so fast and there is so much love in the room it really helps.

First, let me say I am so sorry for your loss. Your Father will never be able to be replaced. I lost my Dad in 1992 and I am still not over it. It gets a bit easier but never goes away. (My Mom passed in 1990, so I had neither of my parents at the wedding). I had one of my brothers and sisters (they are my godparents) walk me down the aisle. I chose not to have a 'parent' dance for myself, but DH still danced with his Mom (I did not want to take that away from them).

A friend of mine whose father passed away before her wedding did a dance with her mother to 'Wind Beneth my Wings' and it was so beautiful. It is not uncommon for women to dance together, so you have that as an option as well. I am sure you will make the best decision for you

I am so sorry for your loss. I truly understand your pain. My father (my only parent) passed away 3 years ago...and it still feels like yesterday. Like the girls have said the pain does ease...but never goes away.

As far as walking down the isle I am having my cousin walk me or I will walk myself. Do what you feel is right in your heart. Dont let anyone tell you what the right thing to do is. This for me is the most difficult part but I try to focus on that I am marrying the man of my dreams and it is not important that I am not being given away.

FI and I are probably not doing the special dances. It will just be too painful for me ... if we did it I think I will just break down at that moment because all I will be thinking about is my dad is not here.

It is great to do some special things during your ceremony or reception in honor of him. I know just thinking about a few things I will do make me feel a bit better. I am putting my dads favorite flower in my boquet (even though it doesnt match) and am writing a poem on the back of our programs and dedicating it to him.

Your wedding day will be the most amazing and special day of your life. You will probably feel some sadness and thats ok but try to remember that your dad would not want you to be sad and would want you to know that he really is there with you sharing this moment.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is difficult to go through a wedding without your father. My father passed away two weeks before my wedding. He said all along that he wanted it to go on, no plans changed, so we did just that.

My mother walked me down the aisle. We had a memory candle in church which went to the reception site. I made it and decorated it. It was just beautiful. I carried a pictures of my dad in my bouquet, where only I could see it. In the bouquet I made mention to those who have passed in the Thank You section, but didn't want to make it too personal b/c of how recent his passing was. His funeral was at the same church as my wedding. At the reception my mother was escorted in by her brother. I did a mother-daughter dance to Josh Groban's 'Where You Are'. The song was dedicated to my father and the lyrics are just beautiful. My mother was touched that I wanted her to be such a part of the wedding too because she had a difficult time on the day too. It helped to include her though it was sad b/c we knew that's what my father should have been doing. The second to last song was Janet Jackson's 'Together Again' and that was a nice, fun, upbeat way to include him too.

It's hard, there's no way around that. Just thinking of what I did for him that day makes me sad and I hold back the tears. Just think of what he would have wanted for you that day and try to honor it. In your heart you know what feels like the best for you and don't let anyone tell you what should or shouldn't be done. I think you have some wonderful and heartfelt suggestions.

I had the same dilemma when I got married. Here is what I did:

Mom walked me down the aisle;

In the program, we devoted a page to my dad and scanned a color picture of me dancing with him;

For favors, we donated to the American Cancer Society in his name;

We only had a mother/son dance. That dance was important to her and I did not feel it was fair to deprive her of dancing with her only son at his wedding just because my dad wasn't there.

Honestly, although I missed him terribly that day, knowing he was there in spirit and in the hearts of many people attending made it much easier.

Feel free to FM me.

I would like to thank all of you for responding so quickly. You all mentioned great ideas and it's comforting to know there are other brides going through the same thing. No one else can really relate at home.........

I see the point of dancing with my fiancee's dad. My mom and I are very close, so maybe we will dance together. I was also thinking Wind Beneath My Wings will be a perfect song.

I will have to check out that Josh Grabin song. I don't know it off hand.

Thank you for responding! I can see already I am going to like this site.

I am so sorry for your loss. I promise you, that you will enjoy your wedding day and you will be happy, despite the saddness that will undoubtedly find a resting place in your heart.

I have not suffered the death of my father, but about 4 months before my wedding was the last time I spoke with him. My father chose not to be with me that day for his own (selfish) reasons, and it was (and still is at times) very painful for me. It is something that I will never get over.

But on my wedding day, I had my Mom walk me up the aisle, and I also shared a very special dance with my Mom. She is truly my best friend and the heart of my support system in life. It just felt 'right' to have her beside me for those special moments. We used the song, 'Because You Loved Me' by Celine Dion.

Your father WILL be there with you on your wedding day. My father passed away two years ago and I still miss him. Try to include him in little ways (as suggested by the other girls). Personally, my mom is walking me down the aisle. We are planning on a remembrance candle (found a website that puts a saying and the person's name on the candle). Both of my FH's parents have passed away so it will be difficult for both of us. But we know my parents and his parents are thrilled for us even if they can't be there and we can feel their love and happiness in our hearts.

The Josh Groban song is absolutely beautiful - I was thinking of having a Remembrance Dance - my mom would dance with my FH (want my mom to feel like the special part of the day that she is) and I may join in the dance with one of my brothers, or FH's brother or an uncle.