Favors

Aww, I'm sorry I think you're right, no pay, no say. Tell FH that if he'd like to spen x amnt of dollars on something really showey, then he and his mom better start savingf!!!

That stinks. Honestly I've never even had an expresso and would never use that gift!

I am not even consulting my FMIL.

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Posted by SexyEsq

My first thought, is that if you & FH are paying, FMIL has no say. My second thought is that wine & wine bottle stoppers together are not an inexpensive favor, and in no way looks cheap. My third thought is that candles add something to a room and IMHO look beautiful in a CP.

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Here here! Don't let her get to you, it's your hard earned $$$$. If she wants it, let her buy it!!

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Posted by esb980

Aww, I'm sorry I think you're right, no pay, no say. Tell FH that if he'd like to spen x amnt of dollars on something really showey, then he and his mom better start savingf!!!

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I agree! I'm going to come up with something that I want my guests to have, not what someone else wants.

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Umm excuse me, but we are paying for everything ourselves, so too bad..MY PAY, MY WAY...

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that's it in a nutshell. stand your ground until she opens her wallet.

what are you going to do??

We are paying for our own wedding too.

I gave FMIL the rehearsal dinner to plan so she had something to chew on.

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Posted by JeanineHubert

We are having such a hard time deciding waht favor and centerpiece we want. It's terrible to say, but FMIL is acting like she has to 'show off'. She was saying how she got favors for her mothers & fathers 50th anniversary party-and they were $10 expresso cups!!!!
Am I the only one who thinks this is insane??????
So of course, I'm expected to have a really great favor-I LOVE the idea of wine bottles/wine stoppers, but she told FH NO WAY THAT LOOKS SO CHEAP...Umm excuse me, but we are paying for everything ourselves, so too bad..MY PAY, MY WAY...
Then the centerpieces....I saw one that I loved-it was 3 large candle/bowls w/ silk flowers-very elegant..n shes like I think you need to get a whole flower centerpiece...AGAIN...WHO ARE YOU SHOWING OFF FOR?????
And I'm so surprised FH is getting so mad about it!!! He's so into it, hes like oh we have to get something good, bc its a wedding...and bla bla bla

Sorry for vent

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hey hubert lol
Listen you have to do what youi like and what u can afford. you cant worry about what other people think and say . if she wants the flower cp and the cups for the favors tell her to give out the cash

I cant with some people, I swear. Who are they showing off for, really??? MY FIL (well FMIL) is the same way.

As a gift to us (Being that we are paying for the entire wedding ourselves) she decided to pay for our photographer.. great gesture (or so we thought) She said if we dont go with the photographer that SHE wanted, then we could pay for it ourselves.. Could you believe her?? Her way or NO way..

Jeanine.. you have to worry about yourself. If she is insisting on lavish centerpiees, then tell her to shell out the cash.

It can be very difficult situation. My family is paying for a large percentage of the wedding. FH and I are paying a significant amount of it ourselves as well. FH's family is not contributing. I am not upset or angry that they arent - they have their reasons. FH and I have had many discussions about how much input, if any, his family should have. It is hard because it is their family's first wedding, and MY family's fourth wedding to plan. With the other weddings in my family, my parents knew when to take an active versus a passive role in the planning whether the liked it or not. They respected the 'old school' ways of the bride's family taking the lead and went with it. She knew that 'no pay, no say' set the ground rules and she dealt with it like a lady and STILL was able to enjoy herself and celebrate. She did not hold any resentment towards the other sides and was proud of her children.

Nowadays, in many cases, things change. Either the groom's family shares a portion of the finances or the couple themselves may pay for everything. However, from what I have read here, it is not typical for the grooms family to assume the role of 'total benefactor' and thus assume control over wedding plans. For mother's of sons, I cannot imagine this is easy, just something to deal with.

Its really difficult sometime to deal with FILs. I sometimes find my FILs incredibly annoying. (FFIL treats FMIL like she's his personal servant and she seems to think FH and I should have the same type of relationship) AS IF!! Anyway, when it comes to the wedding, they are paying for the RD and that's the only thing they have a say over. We will talk about the 'finalists' in certain areas with them, but the final decisions are up to us and for some parts, my parents (who are paying for the reception).
Good luck!! Stick to your guns.

Thank you some I can talk to. My Fi family are a little Uppity. But not paying for anything. He tells me Why don;t I ask them the advice for colors and dresses. Mind u we've been together for four years and have a one year old child together. I feel like if the like me now screw it. But I know that they do. It's just that fiance wants to impress them. Why, He sees his mother maybe seven times a year/ He sees my mother more than his own. Sorry to vent.