Feeling a little down today

Hi, ladies,

I just needed to vent a little so here goes. FH and I are so excited about our upcoming wedding but yesterday kind of brought us down a little bit.

You see my ex-husband is not too happy with the fact that I am back together with FH (we dated fifteen years ago). I have heard through the grapevine that ex wants to kill FH; pretty much he is blaming FH for our marriage ending. Which makes no sense because our marriage was over long before I started seeing FH. Our marriage has been over for 2 1/2 years and we are officially divorced for 1 1/2 years. Anyway, as usual, ex is placing the blame on someone other than himself. So all his anger at the situation is directed toward FH.

Anyway, some of my friends still talk to ex which I have no problem with. The only thing I wanted was for me and my upcoming wedding not to be discussed with ex. It's none of his business that I'm getting married. But one friend said well, you know, I'm going to have to tell him because I don't want him to be mad at me. And another had the invitation on her fridge knowing he was coming over the next day. My other friend ripped it off the fridge asap but she's not sure if ex saw it or not. And now I'm worried that he knows the exact details and will do something.

I'm trying to stay calm but part of me wants to call the whole thing off and just have a little something in someone's backyard. Sorry so long but feeling really sad that FH has to deal with paranoia on our wedding day because of my stupid mistakes.
Thanks for listening!!

Oh no. That’s a horrible situation! If you are really scared that he my cause bodily harm, maybe you should get a restraining order?

I agree, both you and FH should get a restraining order against your ex.
Your FH especially since your ex has mentioned that he would like to kill him. Not something to be taken lightly.

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Posted by dgirl0114

I thought about it but worried if we did that, it would totally push him over the edge. And really would it stop him from doing anything?

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if nothing else, it gives you legal recourse if he even TRIES to show up anywhere near where you are - including the wedding, even if he doesn't do anything else that might be illegal.

also, as far as the wedding - alert the people at your hall of the situation, and show them a picture of him, so that they can keep their eyes open, and choose a few (larger, musclier) people who will be at your wedding to do the same, so that hopefully if he does show up, he'll be escorted out before he can cause a problem.

it does give u legal recourse but u may also want to consider hiring security.. they aren't that expensive and for the comfort it will provide you and fh is invaluable.. plus it'll make u feel like eva longoria or katie holmes to have a bunch of bodyguards at the door!


oh and if u haven't mailed the invitatoins yet, maybe put a little chip or someting in them that they all must bring..and if they odn't have it they don't get in.

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Posted by SusiBtoM

I agree, both you and FH should get a restraining order against your ex.
Your FH especially since your ex has mentioned that he would like to kill him. Not something to be taken lightly.

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First - I am soooo sorry you have to deal with this! Here are some hugs!!!

A suggestion -- if you have ANYONE that you know who is a police officer fill them in on the situation - perhaps he or she could pull strings for you.

If not - we have a similar (but not violent) person who would chance coming to our wedding to make a scene... what we are doing is giving a picture to four of our closest (and biggest) friends to keep an eye out for us and if they happen to see that person, they're going to 'escort' said person out.

In your case - definitely get the restraining order (you'll have a leg to stand on legally) - have a couple of people 'stand guard' for you and your FH and have cell phones handy to call the police. Also - find out what stations are closest to where your reception and ceremony are being held...

No one wants to think about these things - but it's always better to safe then sorry...

Thanks to all of you!! We're trying to stay focused on the fact that we're getting married and it's going to be great but there's that little thought in the back of our heads.

I will think about the restraining order and yes, we are going to have certain people aware of the situation. We have two friends who are cops and will be there. Also another friend offered to have some guys posted outside just in case.

I will keep you posted and thank you again. I hate the idea that my ex is still controlling my life-it drives me crazy!!

Also, do you think I should have a talk with the few friends who feel like he needs to be told about the wedding? Was going to ask them not to say anything about it to him or at least ask them to let me know that he knows and his reaction so I can be better prepared.

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Posted by dgirl0114

Thanks to all of you!! We're trying to stay focused on the fact that we're getting married and it's going to be great but there's that little thought in the back of our heads.

I will think about the restraining order and yes, we are going to have certain people aware of the situation. We have two friends who are cops and will be there. Also another friend offered to have some guys posted outside just in case.

I will keep you posted and thank you again. I hate the idea that my ex is still controlling my life-it drives me crazy!!

Also, do you think I should have a talk with the few friends who feel like he needs to be told about the wedding? Was going to ask them not to say anything about it to him or at least ask them to let me know that he knows and his reaction so I can be better prepared.

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If this is within your budget - it may be wise to hire a bouncer type person to handle the door. This way - he could not possibly get in and if he even tried - you would NEVER EVER see him.

I think the few friends that know him need to be spoken to, yes. They need to know that you have fears about what may happen and if they respect their relationship with you - then they have to realize your feelings matter just as much as his do to them. I would just ask them not to relay the personal details of the wedding to him and do their best not to bring it up. It's truly not asking much...

What about hiring an undercover ex police officer to keep a watch out at your wedding. I wouldnt want to alarm your guest, just tell the people who work there. I dont know exactly what i would do if i was in your situation...but heres a hug

So sorry you have to worry about this. I agree with the statement one girl made -- don't let this jerk interfere with what is going to be the best day of your life. Hire a private security guard if you can (but it sounds like you have friends who are going to help you with kind of thing - great), tell the staff, and PARTY DOWN! :)

Hope it all gets better for you soon!