Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long--update

i am so sad Posted: Jun 15, 2008 02:45 AM

Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long--update

Update:
Hey ladies, thank you so much for your kindness. I erased my OP because of lurkers but i want to give you an update. Mom woke me up thismorning hysterical crying and apologizing for what she did yesterday telling me she would never hurt me and that she wants me to have a perfect day. She explained to me that it must be the treatment she got on Friday because she feels like a monster since then (3 hr steroids IV). We hugged and cried and luckily no grudges will be held. I cant thank you enough for being there for me!

bbmuniz Posted: Jun 15, 2008 03:15 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

Maybe the stress of the wedding and her sickness are getting to her. Unfortunately, these are conflicts that people have when planning a wedding, then they look back and realize how stupid it was. Just explain to them that you are not saying no, but you would also like to include your fh's family's requests as well. Explain to her that's the way it is so you can be fair to everybody. Hopefully you will get it worked out, and she will soon realize that it's not worth fighting over.

JTsGal829 Posted: Jun 15, 2008 03:31 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

i'm sorry you're so upset
my mom is paying for our wedding mostly by herself and she really doesn't have the cash and i can see how it weighs on her sometimes.. she gets snippy her and there and passes comments once in awhile..but i know it's mostly stress.
Is your mom upset that her and ure dad are paying for most things and not your FHs family?? Maybe she just never mentioned it before cause she thought they'd kick in some cash?

Unfortunately planning weddings can be both fun and exciting...but also bring out a lot of stress and cause fights over things that you regret later on! I hope things get better for ya!!! I'm sending lots of hugs and happy thoughts your way. Just try and remember that once the wedding is here no one is gonna care about the music..only about how much fun they are having and how happy they are to be a part of your special day!!!!!

040508Bride Posted: Jun 15, 2008 06:04 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

My advice is to see how today goes....let things settle a little bit and then when you can, approach them both and say something like 'I would like to talk about what happened the other day/last night' and tell them you were taken back because you didn't expect this to be a problem and just tell them that you will be more than happy to add some songs to the play list (there is time for that, we added songs that day!). I am kind of about the slam to your DF's family....don't know where that came from.....but you need to ask if something else is going on. If your mom is ill, she may just be upset. As a nurse, i've worked with people in various stages of disease and one thing that is fairly common is mood changes. Sometimes people are perfectly fine, happy, laughing.....and there are days when you can do anything in the world and you'll never get a smile. They can be sad, hurt, mad, angry, resentful, and just generally fed up with everything. This could be playing a part. Today is fathers day, your wedding is coming up......i'm sure all of this is playing in your moms head and who knows...maybe yesterday was her 'angry' day. I'm assuming by your post that your mom is very sick, not just bronchitis or a cold, so i'd say it's safe to bet on that. Either way, you obviously need to talk. I hope this works out

chrispar Posted: Jun 15, 2008 06:41 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

I am so sorry that you are going through this, Maybe your mom was having a bad day. See what happens today. I hop everything works out for you

mRm2008 Posted: Jun 15, 2008 06:57 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

I am so sad this happened to you and your Mom and Dad. I think its just a case of parents wanting the picture perfect day for their daughter. We sometimes think we are the only ones who stress over weddings, but in reality I think our families do as well. When they seem 'needlessly' upset or blowup at us, I think its proof they stress just like we do

I know its not an excuse for anyone to act like that, yelling or upsetting each other, but I think its just part of the life experience of their daughter getting married. I would talk to them, tell them how much you love them and appreciate all they do for you (even if you dont sometimes). Let them know that you want your day to be enjoyable for everyone, but in order for that to happen, requires compromise and understanding from everyone.

It will all be OK will keep you in my prayers

Saram Posted: Jun 15, 2008 09:01 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

this is a unfortunate time to be fighting..but trust me the majority of us have had similar arguements about 'whos paying for what'... it bothers me also when my parents say anything negative about the wedding..just know that this stress that everyone has will pass and everything will come together in the end..good luck to u...

Randilotus Posted: Jun 15, 2008 09:06 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

I'm thinking it is something in the air, me and my mom fought twice yeaterday too! Don't take it to heart. Just try talking to her today. I hope that things go better today!

toniscott Posted: Jun 15, 2008 09:10 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

I would attribute this to stress first off, but maybe there is an undelying issue that you are not aware of...I'm hoping by now things have cooled of and you can approach her to see what's really bothering her..

IrishBrideASmiling Posted: Jun 15, 2008 09:13 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

Im sorry to hear you are going through this My mom and I also from time to time get into these arguments. The stress of planning and paying for it gets everyone all hot headed. Give it a few days for everyone to calm down and try to talk to her again.

BTW what is up with our parents wanting only oldies being played?? My dad also made a comment about it too!! He's like 'You know you need to have some oldies played at your wedding bc i cant stand listening to all that kid stuff ' I already planned on having some of it but then he started naming songs and the list was like 50 songs long.

Valerie-Joe Posted: Jun 15, 2008 09:55 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

Sorry you had to go through that. For a second I thought you were talking about my parents. I swear I've had the same 'conversations'. I hope things work out better today. Maybe just ask your dad for some song titles to give the dj and try to move forward. Good luck!

dannisayz Posted: Jun 15, 2008 10:38 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

I wish I could offer some advice, but I'm in a similar spot most of the time. The only thing that seems to work with my Mom and I is time.

ChristineAaron08 Posted: Jun 15, 2008 10:50 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

Aww I'm sorry

I know I HATE fighting w/ my mom too.

I'm sure some of it can be due to stress and once she thinks about it over some time, things will calm down and you can talk again.

I would just explain to them that no matter whos paying for what, its everyone's day (yours and FHs mostly, obviously) and you want everyone to be happy. That means that not everyone can have it their way all of the time. Bottom line. If everyone has it their way- you will need 4 different weddings.

Good Luck. I hope everything works out soon.

kimandvin Posted: Jun 15, 2008 11:03 AM

Re: Feeling really sad and hurt...sorry really long

Aww Im so sorry this is happening to you!!!! I hope your mom finds a way to relieve her stress better, maybe she feels a little jealous aobut oyu getting marreid and this is the only way she knows how t vent.. Hang inthere~!