Feeling super overwhelmed and I need some opinions

Ok, so one of my good friends who is also a bm is getting married in October. (Just two months before me). She is having two showers. I was planning to attend the shower with her family whom I am most familiar with.

Another one of her bm reaches out to me to start planning her b-party. All of the sudden she has decided she wants to go to a male review 3 hours away from where the bride is from. So this is going to jack the price up of the limo rental. Plus, since I am flying to Ohio from Florida this weekend is easily going to cost me $1000.00+. I know that it is a part of being in someone's wedding, so I don't mind doing it but FH is upset!!! He thinks we should be focusing on our wedding and saving for it (which he is right.)

So do you ladies think I should fly up and go to the shower and then spend $$ for b-party or send a gift and not attend.

BTW, this is one of bf and absolutely adore her I just am so worried about $$ oh yes and even getting the time off of work.

Well, you're a bm too, right? why does this girl get to say what you all are gonna do? I'd personally try to work something else out with this girl about planning the bparty.

That said, if she insists on thr current plan, try not to feel too bad about making tough choices, You can love someone so much, but that doesn't make more money appear magically in your wallet... there's only a finite supply, you know? Al of life is a balancing act... so try to balane what's good for you with as much as you want to do for your friend.

IMHO.... a BMs responsibility is the shower, and the day of. The bach party is fun but for me if one or a few of my BM's couldn't go bc they are OOT or don't have the money I am NOT getting mad or taking offense to it.

Infact I have 2 BM's who can't come. One of which lives OOT and is also my sister, and another who is going to be away. I am not angry I understand that everyone has their own lives, and own things going on too.

If she is really your BF she will understand. I would just be honest with her. Then agree that after both of your weddings when money and time is a little more convienient you go out and party. That's what I would do.

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Posted by JLWSJC

Well, you're a bm too, right? why does this girl get to say what you all are gonna do? I'd personally try to work something else out with this girl about planning the bparty.

That said, if she insists on thr current plan, try not to feel too bad about making tough choices, You can love someone so much, but that doesn't make more money appear magically in your wallet... there's only a finite supply, you know? Al of life is a balancing act... so try to balane what's good for you with as much as you want to do for your friend.

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ITA!

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Posted by soontobecruz

IMHO.... a BMs responsibility is the shower, and the day of. The bach party is fun but for me if one or a few of my BM's couldn't go bc they are OOT or don't have the money I am NOT getting mad or taking offense to it.

Infact I have 2 BM's who can't come. One of which lives OOT and is also my sister, and another who is going to be away. I am not angry I understand that everyone has their own lives, and own things going on too.

If she is really your BF she will understand. I would just be honest with her. Then agree that after both of your weddings when money and time is a little more convienient you go out and party. That's what I would do.

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ITA...

Totally just talk to her...
I have some girls that are OOT and same kinda thing going on. How could I possibly be angry with that?
I would say go to the shower

there's absolutely nothing wrong with telling the MOH that you can't afford the bach party and just attending the shower.

I def think you are coming from the right place. 2 yrs ago I was a BM for one of my BMs and I was taking a Saturday class for my masters program so I wouldnt be able to make it for her shower (you couldnt miss one class or you failed the course, it was from 9-5pm), she lives in CT. So I called her and explained. I know she was disappointed but she was fine. I made sure that I came up to visit her the day after her . I made her this cute veil w/a crown & blinking pins and a saber to walk around w/. I took her and another one of her BMs out for lunch and drinks. Then we spend the whole day just hanging out together. I also brought a gift! I know she appreciated it. Unfortunately I also missed her B-party my car died and I had no way to get up to her. I felt bad but made it up to her by paying for 1/2 her wedding cake.

HTH

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Posted by Lsorrent

Personally, I feel an OOT BM is exempt from all events except obviously the wedding. I have a BM that lives in California, and she couldn't make it to the shower or b-party, nor can she make it to the RD. I'm not faulting her for any of that as I knew when I asked her to be a BM that she wouldn't be able to make any of these things.

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agreed

unfortunately for me half my BMs are OOT including my MOH (sis), and one of the local BMs is FSIL who is doing sh!it for the wedding (she is the one who gave me issues about the BM dress). but my 2 other local BMs are great and have been emailing with my sis and are so sweet! Sometimes the ones we love arent close by - the honor of being a BM shouldnt bankrupt anyone!

def try to get some say in the bparty, it shouldnt only be her decision

if you think the money youll spend will really set you back than i would go to the shower and skip the bparty

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Posted by Lsorrent

Personally, I feel an OOT BM is exempt from all events except obviously the wedding. I have a BM that lives in California, and she couldn't make it to the shower or b-party, nor can she make it to the RD. I'm not faulting her for any of that as I knew when I asked her to be a BM that she wouldn't be able to make any of these things.

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ita!
i had a few bm's who live upstate and couldnt make it for all the events leading up to the wedding. call her and see what she says. especially since ure getting married too, i would think she wont be upset that u cant spend the money right now....