FFIL help/question

FH and i are 99% sure on our invites...but here's the problem....THE WORDING!! My parents are hosting the wedding but it is a complete decision to put FH's parents on the invite so the invite will go as follows:

Mr. and Mrs _____________
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Linda Susan
to
Joseph Anthony
son of

her first name and his first name and their last name (she kept his last name after the divorce)

His mom isnt sure if she wants his name on the invite which is fine. I said either way she and FH decide is more than fine with me. But now i guess my question is this: she doesnt want him on the invite but she wants to walk in with him and dance the first dance with him (keep in mind his 2nd ex wife will be there too who my FMIL gets along with--go figure!). I guess my question is this:
(1) since she wants to walk in with him as in be announced with him should i talk to her about keeping his name on the invite? or if she takes the name off of the invite should they then be announced separately??? or is it ok to take his name off of the invite and still have her walk in and dance with him?

i think it's up to you, FH and your FMIL if just her name should be on the invite or if she does want the father on their too. I don't think it matters about the announcment and dancing the first song..... i think they could still be announced together as 'MOTHER AND FATHER of....'the groom' i think the invite is more important, as that's what everyone will see in writing, so that's probably the bigger decision?

What do you prefer?

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Posted by longislandlibrarian

i think it's up to you, FH and your FMIL if just her name should be on the invite or if she does want the father on their too. I don't think it matters about the announcment and dancing the first song..... i think they could still be announced together as 'MOTHER AND FATHER of....'the groom' i think the invite is more important, as that's what everyone will see in writing, so that's probably the bigger decision?

What do you prefer?

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I would prefer them both to be on there with her name first (keep in mind they still have the same last name)....out of respect for them both. He is still FH's father and his parents are very civil so i don't know why he wouldn't be on there---and that's coming from me who really isnt fond of him.

Strange that she doesnt want his fathers name on the invite.
I dont think it should be up to her anyhow.

He is the son of ' Mr. .......' ,so why not put that?
The fact she wants to walk down with him and be annouced, but doesnt want his name on the invite is VERY strange.

I would say for you to put it. Doesnt your FH still want to ackowledge his dad? I would think it rude to put his mothers name and NOT his dads.

Sorry Im babbling.. but the whole thing seems strange to me.
LOL!!!

I had the same problem!!! So me and FH decided to keep both their names on the invites, and they are being announced together. It makes things so much easier for us. (however neither are re-married, but they do have significant others)

the invites say
Son of:
Mary Smith and Gary Smith
(not their real names)

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Posted by SherinJeff

Strange that she doesnt want his fathers name on the invite.
I dont think it should be up to her anyhow.

He is the son of ' Mr. .......' ,so why not put that?
The fact she wants to walk down with him and be annouced, but doesnt want his name on the invite is VERY strange.

I would say for you to put it. Doesnt your FH still want to ackowledge his dad? I would think it rude to put his mothers name and NOT his dads.

Sorry Im babbling.. but the whole thing seems strange to me.
LOL!!!

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Trust me i appreciate all of the advice. The reason she doesn't want the father on there is because she feels she is the mother and she is the one who has raised him and has worked three jobs to make a decent life for her boys which i admire and respect. I just dont know why she would want one and not the other. If she doesnt want him on the invite it is fine but then why want to walk in with him. Neither of them are dating anyone but like i said his second ex wife will be a guest at the wedding. FH i think wants his dads name on the invite but is trying to be sensitive towards his mother.

If your FH speaks to both parents and both are coming to the wedding, I think the proper thing to do is to make sure both of their names are on the invite. IMHO, it's not his mother's decision to make. His mom would go first, and their last name would be repeated. It would read

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride
to
Groom
son of
Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith
etc.

ETA - the way I see it, putting his father's name on there outwardly shows no disprespect to his mother at all (despite the fact that for whatever reason she doesn't want it on there). It's is expected that both living parents names would be there and, IMHO, proper. Leaving his father's name off, though, seems to be an expression of disrespect toward the father. It would be noticed by people...

We had the same issue. We did this:
Mr. & Mrs. John Smith
invite you to wedding of
daughter
to
groom
Son of Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe


And then his parents made quite a show of looking like they were actually together at the wedding. Nobody would know otherwise.

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Posted by thelastresort

We had the same issue. We did this:
Mr. & Mrs. John Smith
invite you to wedding of
daughter
to
groom
Son of Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe


And then his parents made quite a show of looking like they were actually together at the wedding. Nobody would know otherwise.

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If they are divorced, she's not Mrs. Jane Doe, she's Ms. Jane Doe. The only way she's Mrs. Jane Doe is if she has remarried BUT kept her married name from the 1st marriage as her last name.

That's what we would put
Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe

Maybe i should be more outright with FH and tell him i think FFIL should go on there. I just didnt want to stick my nose in something thats not my business but now im realizing it is my business.

good for you!!
Hey, maybe your FH ' needs ' your help by making the decision for him.. so he doesnt have to.
Take control girl! :)

Ok, I say that if FH wants his name on it it goes on it. Let me tell you my story and why I feelt his way. There was an argument over whether or not to put my moms name on our invites, she didnt pay for anything (she only made my aisle runner) but everyone felt that b/c she didnt pay that she shouldnt go on it.

So I didnt put her name on it, the second I saw my invites without her name on it I felt awful, b/c no matter what my mother did or didnt do she is STILL my mother and she should have been on it. To this day I still feel guilty like I took something away from her by NOT putting her name on it .

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Posted by PegaLega

Ok, I say that if FH wants his name on it it goes on it. Let me tell you my story and why I feelt his way. There was an argument over whether or not to put my moms name on our invites, she didnt pay for anything (she only made my aisle runner) but everyone felt that b/c she didnt pay that she shouldnt go on it.

So I didnt put her name on it, the second I saw my invites without her name on it I felt awful, b/c no matter what my mother did or didnt do she is STILL my mother and she should have been on it. To this day I still feel guilty like I took something away from her by NOT putting her name on it .

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I called my sister and talked to her about it and she flipped out (she is more outward with harshness than i am!) and she said that is ridiculous....either they are both on the invite or neither are. FH and i had a long drive to the ranger game tonight and i brought it up and i said, 'i understand where your mom is coming from, but everyone knows she raised you guys and still struggles but overall that day is about us, not how your father hurt your mom or anything like that....It is about us and i really dont want our invitations to be used as a way to spite your father.' He agrees but he and his mom are going to discuss it. I just think the entire situation is a crappy one. As much as i dont want to be involved in the decision making, i dont want more drama being added to our wedding day cause once again that day is about us, not situations from the past. I hope im not coming off too selfish...im really trying not to be!