FFIL is too attached to FH

We are living with FFIL and he does not want us to move out! ever!
FSIL is not interested in living there for much longer and FFIL has no other friends or family. He is practically begging his son to stay. He has offered to sell us the house but he would probably stay in it.
I want us to have our own space when we're ready but I feel guilty that I am taking his son, and the only person he relies away.
BTW: This man is 62 y/o and very capable of taking care of himself.

i would probably feel guilty too in your position ... but i also feel that it's not right for his father to say that. you should have your own space as newlyweds and not have his father live with you forever.

his father will be fine on his own ... he'll hopefully meet new people ... and you can obviously visit him still so it's ok.

do what's right for you and your FH ....

He's probably lonely. Is he a widower? My Dad is as my Mom passed away and I know he's lonely. I could never live with him though...we seriously would kill each other.

How does the FH deal with this? You obviously need your own space as newlyweds. I'm sure when you do move out in will be in the same town or close by.

That is rough...but seriously you need your own space as newlyweds!!! I have no problem moving in one of the in laws in the future if they are left alone and need help but not in the first years of marriage...

Just make it clear that there will be frequent visits and invites to your OWN space.

Also, maybe FH can bring him to some social events for seniors so he can get a hobby/friends?

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

That is rough...but seriously you need your own space as newlyweds!!! I have no problem moving in one of the in laws in the future if they are left alone and need help but not in the first years of marriage...

Just make it clear that there will be frequent visits and invites to your OWN space.

Also, maybe FH can bring him to some social events for seniors so he can get a hobby/friends?

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Great idea! My dad goes to things at the Y and he's made friends. If he had stuff going on aside from his son he would be happier and more independent

That is a bit of a pickle....BUT, is he's a healthy 62 yo man and can take care of himself, then you guys need to get your own place and have your own space. Maybe move close to your FFIL...so he can visit (after calling of course) and he doesnt feel completely ailenated.

Now if he was ill (god forbid) that would be a different story. But if there is no real physical reason for you to stay, i would move.

Have you thought about moving into the same neighborhood as FFIL so he doesn't feel so alone, or maybe finding a 2 family house.

FMIL actually just admitted to me that moving in with her inlaws was the worst mistake she has ever made. But maybe if there were 2 separate apartments it would be ok.

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Posted by Stardutchess

Have you thought about moving into the same neighborhood as FFIL so he doesn't feel so alone, or maybe finding a 2 family house.

FMIL actually just admitted to me that moving in with her inlaws was the worst mistake she has ever made. But maybe if there were 2 separate apartments it would be ok.

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FH and I rented the apartment above FIL's for a few years before we recently bought a home together. My Fil's were never intrusive and we never had a problem but I was happy to have our own space anyway!

Plus, sounds like your FFIL will be wanting to hang out with you guys alot!

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Posted by J79

He's probably lonely. Is he a widower? My Dad is as my Mom passed away and I know he's lonely. I could never live with him though...we seriously would kill each other.

How does the FH deal with this? You obviously need your own space as newlyweds. I'm sure when you do move out in will be in the same town or close by.

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Yes. FFIL is a widower.
FH has taken the role of caregiver ever since his mom passed 5 yrs ago. FH is sad to leave him but I feel this is an unhealthy situation. He has left it up to me where we wind up living.

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Posted by J79

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

That is rough...but seriously you need your own space as newlyweds!!! I have no problem moving in one of the in laws in the future if they are left alone and need help but not in the first years of marriage...

Just make it clear that there will be frequent visits and invites to your OWN space.

Also, maybe FH can bring him to some social events for seniors so he can get a hobby/friends?

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Great idea! My dad goes to things at the Y and he's made friends. If he had stuff going on aside from his son he would be happier and more independent

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I wish! Maybe if FH takes him he will go, but he no longer does things on his own since I moved in. When FH and I were dating, he used to go to places like Atlantic City. He even used to go metal detecting back in the day.

It's sweet that they're so close, but not necessarily healthy.

Apparently FSIL has not as much guilt about this if she's willing to move out.

Is he not willing to sell the house to anyone else? Would he consider finding a house with you and FH, a 2 family like other girls have suggested? Or maybe you could just live close, you'd wind up spending a lot of time with him anyway I'm sure.

Tough spot to be in. And It's not really fair for FH to have left it up to you, this is a decision he should be man enough to make.

I have thought about the 2fam house thing or maybe converting the house we're in now. But that's not going to change a lot. We would be too accessible.