FG/RB dilemma - LONG
Okay, some of you who have been on the baords awhile know about my situation with my future in laws. Basically FH's family likes to give me a hard time whenever. Partially it's bc I'm not jewish, partially b/c I'm a big mouth, partially because they're jealous and mostly because they're crazy. His parents have for the most part come around. They're still crazy, but his mom signs notes to me as 'mom' and his dad introdices me as his 'future daughter in law' and they've been very nice even though we do disagree on just about everything, they really are trying, and FH's extended family and grandparents have all come around or at least realized there's nothing they can do about it and after 6 years I'm not going anywhere.
Fh's sister and BIL are a completely different story. They will do EVERYThing they can to make our lives miserable. They start all kinds of BS with us. They will invent something and EVERYONE in the family will know we're hvaing a fight with them, excpt for us. It's hard to describe, but it's been really bad. They have two kids who we love alot, but don't see very often. The boy is two and he's very cute, and he sort of knows us. The baby is i think 3 months old and we saw her once, at her baby naming, which was another big deal. Whenever we do something they don't like or we have an argument or they make something up, they decide we can't see the kids. (This is mostly FH's brother in law, his sister is trying to be nice now). One time FH's BIL decided we couldn't see the kids because i'm a vegetarian or something, and because I asked him a very calm and respectful question about his racism that he couldn't answer. I really did just ask hima question out of curiousity, and apparently he didn't like the influence I might have on his kids or something. Most recently we were all out at dinner after the baby naming, it was me and Fh, his parents, his sister and BIL, the BIL's friend and sister and the kids. BIL, BIL's sister and friend were all throwing around the word 'f*g'. I tried to change the subject a few times, but finally it wa making me lose my appetite and we were in public so I said ver calmly 'I don't really find that funny'. Of COURSE it turned into WW3, and BIL doens't ever want to see us again or whatever. FSIL is trying to make things ok and she said she wants us to have a relationship with the kids (they live upstate though) and FH and his aprents would really like us to have our niece and nephew as RB and FG. I think it would be really cute and I love the kids, but is dealing with the parents worth it? On one hand of course it isn't, but on the other hand, if we're going to have a relationship with these kids, why leave them out of a once in a lifetime event? They'll never have another chance to be in our wedding. FBIL and FSIL are not in the wedding party, but we're not close with them, we're not the kids' godparents even though FH is her only sibling. So that shouln;t really be a problem, but I don't know. I guess what gets me about this si that it's always back and forth with them. When we go up there with gifts and everything, we're all family and whatever, and then when they feel like we've offended them we don't exist and we can't see the kids. it's just really frustrating. i think either you're family and you work it out or you're not and you just forget about it. it's hard to be in this limbo and it's really difficult b/c of the kids. I couldn't give two sh*ts to be honest about his sister and I hate his BIL, but we both love the kids. I don't need grief or anything, but I also don't want to look back on missing stuff. His sister didn't invite us, or rather didn't invite me to her son's 1st birthdya party, and because of BIL I wasn't invited to her shower, and I think stuff like that is so terrible, because if they do want a relationshp eventually, those are moments you can never get back. Do you know what I mean? If I don't have them in the wedding, I can't go back and put them in later, but if I do, I may give my self more agita surrounding the wedding, or they may decide at the last minute not to show up or whatever. It's just such an awful back and forth situaton because they weren't even on our original invite list, but then they started trying to have a relatonship with us, and also FFIL said he woudln;t come if we didnt invote her. I'm tempted to say 'good' and let them all stay home, but I'm concerned about the kids...maybe m concerned too much b/ the kids are cute now, but they're gonna end up like the parents...sorry so long!
Fh's sister and BIL are a completely different story. They will do EVERYThing they can to make our lives miserable. They start all kinds of BS with us. They will invent something and EVERYONE in the family will know we're hvaing a fight with them, excpt for us. It's hard to describe, but it's been really bad. They have two kids who we love alot, but don't see very often. The boy is two and he's very cute, and he sort of knows us. The baby is i think 3 months old and we saw her once, at her baby naming, which was another big deal. Whenever we do something they don't like or we have an argument or they make something up, they decide we can't see the kids. (This is mostly FH's brother in law, his sister is trying to be nice now). One time FH's BIL decided we couldn't see the kids because i'm a vegetarian or something, and because I asked him a very calm and respectful question about his racism that he couldn't answer. I really did just ask hima question out of curiousity, and apparently he didn't like the influence I might have on his kids or something. Most recently we were all out at dinner after the baby naming, it was me and Fh, his parents, his sister and BIL, the BIL's friend and sister and the kids. BIL, BIL's sister and friend were all throwing around the word 'f*g'. I tried to change the subject a few times, but finally it wa making me lose my appetite and we were in public so I said ver calmly 'I don't really find that funny'. Of COURSE it turned into WW3, and BIL doens't ever want to see us again or whatever. FSIL is trying to make things ok and she said she wants us to have a relationship with the kids (they live upstate though) and FH and his aprents would really like us to have our niece and nephew as RB and FG. I think it would be really cute and I love the kids, but is dealing with the parents worth it? On one hand of course it isn't, but on the other hand, if we're going to have a relationship with these kids, why leave them out of a once in a lifetime event? They'll never have another chance to be in our wedding. FBIL and FSIL are not in the wedding party, but we're not close with them, we're not the kids' godparents even though FH is her only sibling. So that shouln;t really be a problem, but I don't know. I guess what gets me about this si that it's always back and forth with them. When we go up there with gifts and everything, we're all family and whatever, and then when they feel like we've offended them we don't exist and we can't see the kids. it's just really frustrating. i think either you're family and you work it out or you're not and you just forget about it. it's hard to be in this limbo and it's really difficult b/c of the kids. I couldn't give two sh*ts to be honest about his sister and I hate his BIL, but we both love the kids. I don't need grief or anything, but I also don't want to look back on missing stuff. His sister didn't invite us, or rather didn't invite me to her son's 1st birthdya party, and because of BIL I wasn't invited to her shower, and I think stuff like that is so terrible, because if they do want a relationshp eventually, those are moments you can never get back. Do you know what I mean? If I don't have them in the wedding, I can't go back and put them in later, but if I do, I may give my self more agita surrounding the wedding, or they may decide at the last minute not to show up or whatever. It's just such an awful back and forth situaton because they weren't even on our original invite list, but then they started trying to have a relatonship with us, and also FFIL said he woudln;t come if we didnt invote her. I'm tempted to say 'good' and let them all stay home, but I'm concerned about the kids...maybe m concerned too much b/ the kids are cute now, but they're gonna end up like the parents...sorry so long!
