FH and I need your help...re my previous post (long...very long)

Ladies,

Earlier this afternoon I posted about a problem w/ my FFIL. After reading some of your responses to my FH he requested that I post again looking for advice.

The situation that FFIL was angry about was the following: The day before yesterday FFIL was reported to child protective services. For some reason FFIL though I filed the report which did not happen. He confronted FH about it and stated that he (FFIL) had a friend who works at CPS who told him my name was on the report. FH called me at work and I had no idea what he was talking about. It brought me to tears that anyone would think I would do that. I went home early from work and at the suggestion of FH and FFIL I called CPS. They told me it was absolutely impossible for anyone to have a name of someone who files a CPS report...they don't even give that info to judges or police officers. They told me that more then likely he was just trying to accuse people to see if he can find out who did it. So I called FH back and FFIL basically maintained that he knows I did it, he said %^^$ me, %&%$ my family, and I can't hide from him. Here is the deal...FH is a NYPD recruit...I would never in a million years sic CPS on his family while my baby is following his dream. We would lose everything we have worked so hard for. Plus on top of that, why would I want to make enemies w/ his family when his mom was finally startinf to come around and his sister and brothers were in our BP. His father was giving FH money to help FH with his NYPD expenses. It is absolutely rediculous that either one of us would be involved with this. How do you prove you did not do something? FH is very torn apart because he has worked so hard to try to make his father proud of him. When FH left to come to my house tonight his father said %$#@ you and %$#@ your career! We are at a loss. I don't understand how my name would wind up on a CPS report. I am a grad student in an internship...I barely have time to breath, much less make these types of phone calls. Is it possible that someone could have called using my name? Is it even possible that someone from CPS would give that type of info to someone who has a complaint filed against him? We don't know what to do at this point. If this is how CPS works, then there is a problem. The thing that we are thinking of here is that FFIL was talking the other day about giving FH and his brother his house because he did not trust his wife (FH's step mother). He believed that she would sell the house and piddle away all of the money (she does not work and thinks everyone exists to take care of her). We are thinking that maybe she may have been involved in this. She has shown no emotion about it what-so-ever and has let others take the fall for her past misdeeds (including her 13 year old son)! What can we do? At this point things are going way down hill. I would appreciate any advice. FH is sitting here w/ me as I write. I am sorry this is so long, but there is so much to write and he told me to write it. TIA

Wow, I am so sorry for you and FH to be in this situation!

Can FH contact the friend who works in CPS, and find out exactly what was said that implicated you in FFIL's mind? Maybe the friend can talk to FFIL ?

Like you, I would assume CPS reports are confidential and it does not seem possible that your FFIL received correct info.

You did not mention the situation that led to this report, and I absolutely respect your family's privacy. Aside from the anger and accusations, I hope the original situation can be resolved, as well as the hurtful undercurrents that may be developing within the family.

Good luck to you!

This is a tough one.. I feel bad for your FH mostly because that's his dad and look what he's putting his son through.. telling him **** him and his career? It sounds like he does not support his son at all. He is also not respectful of you. It seems to me that this FFIl has some type of issues.. MAJOR issues going on.. I don't think youu should even have to PROVE anything. You told them it was not you and that's that. It could very well be that your FFIl said that b/c he's looking for someone to accuse and he already feels intimidated of you right? You should not have to be going through this at this very important time of your lives. Sometimes.. the best thing is to lose contact with people that cause this negative crap. I know it's hard.. cause he's going to be your FFIL and you FH's dad BUT, sometimes these things are best in these types of situations. Good luck ok..

It's impossible that CPS would give your name out even if you actually were the person that called a complaint in. The CPS must legally have an anti-retaliatory provision. This means that if someone calls in anonymously, their name cannot be released to ANYONE to prevent retaliation against that person.

It sounds to me like your FFIL is just trying to blame someone else for his troubles. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would recommend you get a copy of CPS's policies to prove that your FFIL is full of $ h i t, and hopefully get him to shut his mouth.



ETA: Just to further clarify, it's in the best interest of an organization like CPS to adhere to confidentiality policies because if they didn't, it would discourage people from coming forward and defeat the purpose of their mission...

It sounds like you may have to let this die for now. The truth will come out and when it does the situation will right itself. Your FFIL will have to deal with the consequences.

He is obviously projecting his troubles on you and your FH because he can't own up to his responsibilites. You are the easiest target.

I can only offer you



I hope this situation rights itself fast. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

The problem with CPS, and I know from experience, is that ANYONE can call and file a complaint. You do not even have to actually know the family, you could have seen the mom outside one day tap her kid on the head and call that in as abuse! My sister's stepdaughter actually called CPS on my sister and her father herself! And they had to be investigated b/c a 13 YO kid was mad that they wouldn't let her go out one night! I know CPS does sometimes work in favor of the children, but more often than not it's a crock of BS.

As far as your name being on the report, there is NO WAY they would release that information to ANYONE. I've tried to find out myself on occassion, as have friends of mine, and no luck. I agree with the rest of the posters, he's looking for a scapegoat and you are it!

These people just look like they are out to get you and nothing you say will stop them...

I hope it resolves itself

He is blaming you because he needs to take it out on someone. ANYONE could have called, it could have been one of his son's teachers, a neighbor, anyone. Steer clear from him for now. You told him it wasn't you and I don't think there is anything else you can do

OK, first, I'm a lawyer and I deal with CPS on a regular basis.

CPS canNOT release the name of the person making a report. I have tons of friends that work in the system and I can't get the name of people making the reports.

Second, CPS reports can be made without releasing your name. CPS will take an anonymous report.

Third, if this report was made to torture FFIL (as in, there is nothing going on worthy of a report) that will come out in the end. The procedure is for CPS to take a report. They have 90 days to investigate. During the course of the investigation they interview the subject of the report (in this case FFIL and the child), the child's teachers, siblings, other parent etc. At the conclusion of the investigation one of two things happens - CPS reports that the claim is 'unfounded' or CPS reports that the claim is 'founded'. To make the determination there needs to be 'some credible evidence'. In english these means if the child himself or herself made the complaint it will come back founded unless the child recants. If someone else made the report and ANY person during the course of the investigation says anything that would lead the investigator to think it is probably true, then it comes back founded.

What this means for FFIL - if the reports is unfounded it goes away, and he can asked for the whole thing to be expunged. If it comes back founded, his name goes on a list and he will be prevented from working with children.

It sounds to me like FFIL is angry and hurt and lashing out at the one person he can because he can't fathom the idea that someone (like his wife, or children) would do something like this to him. What he needs to realize is that a teacher, a doctor, a social worker, or the next door neighbor could have made the phone call. And it could have been because they heard an argument, the child in question fell down and has a bruise and they thought it was something more than a simple accident, or just to be mean and obnoxious.

I guess the upshot of this post, is to try and hang in there. As mean and ugly as FFIL is being right now, realize this kind of thing is devastating for someone that is falsely accused. You and FH need to stand by him and offer support and tell him you know he didn't do this thing he is accused of. Assuming of course, that he has been falsely accused.

Feel free to FM with questions. And most of all good luck during this difficult time.

Thank you October Bliss, you have FM