I know times have changed, but I also know traditionally its the grooms family that pays for the RD. We wont have a rehearsel date at least til May, but would like an idea when it comes time to set it up. FH brother had a nontraditional wedding and didnt have a rehearsel. This may sound strange, but I dont think they even realize that traditionally they pay for the RD. They havent contributed anything to the wedding so far. So, here's my questions: How do I aproach FH in finding out if they plan to pay for the RD? I dont want to sound mean about it, but I also think they should contribute something.
AwaitingAugust
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
i told FH outright that my family is paying for our engagement party and his will need to eventually host the RD. he understood (though i'm not sure if he spoke to his family yet)
nell1279
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
I would just ask him. Say traditionally his family would pay for the RD and you were wondering if they were planning on it so you don't make any plans without them or step on their toes.
kassy30
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
I am going through the same thing - my family is paying for ALOT and I know that I am really lucky - but I would expect his family to pay for the RD and maybe the honeymoon? I mean that is what I usually hear from other brides that their FH families did.
I basically sat with him and just said that this is usually the tradition about the Rehearsal dinner and that maybe they can contribute something else. The only problem is I don't think he has said anything yet. I guess I am going to have to mention it again :)
I feel horrible asking for money but I guess my thought is it is his wedding too :)
I don't think that helps you at all but at least you know there are people in the same boat as you.
Good luck
lori7570
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
I found that FH did not really know what was expected of his family and he seemed relieved when I told him. Now his family is paying for the RD, limos and our airfare for the honeymoon.
Roccosgirl
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
I feel horrible asking for money too, but I think it's only right. I wouldnt even ask them to pay for the honeymoon. The only thing I have a strong opinion about is the RD because I do feel like many of you said, our parents are contributing a lot, its tradition and its his wedding too. Thanks for the opinions.
cavvento
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
I think you should let FH know about the tradition and what you're hoping for, and let him have the conversation with his parents.
elisa112101
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FH fam isnt contributing Crapola for our wedding... blah blah they have no money! so we havent even asked them for anything... i guess we are going to pop for the RD
mosh424
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Posted by cavvento
I think you should let FH know about the tradition and what you're hoping for, and let him have the conversation with his parents. [/QUOTE
ITA
Im getting Married
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I haven't even bothered to ask since we are paying for the entire wedding we are already budgeting for the RD as well
But if your parents are paying for stuff I would just tell FH that he should ask his parents if they are doing the RD...asking and telling are 2 different things this way he won't have to feel like he is telling them they have to
20mrsc10
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
i think you should talk to fh, and have him talk to his parents..
also realize that a lot of traditions go out the window in current times-just look at how many girls on here are paying for their entire weddings themselves
i would also ask what their budget is-and how does that compare to what you have in mind for your rd?
little j
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
Posted by AwaitingAugust
i told FH outright that my family is paying for our engagement party and his will need to eventually host the RD. he understood (though i'm not sure if he spoke to his family yet)
we had this convo...but when the time came to book the rd, we decided to pay for it. thing are kinda tough now on fh's side so i understand. but ya never kno until the $$ is due....
Tomlaur0808
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All I can say is good luck w/that. DH & I were very fortunate that my parents covered a vast part of the wedding expenses. When it came to the RD we kind of knew we were on our own & I searched around for best value for the $$. We set a budget & even planned for a little over that. We didnt expect people to drink as much as they did & we would up like $600 over what we budgeted for - & DH's parents didnt even offer to help with the cost
saribou13
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
AGH! i am having the exact same dilemma. my parents are forking out a ton of $$ for our wedding, no expenses spared, and from what i've realized so far, it seems as tho FH's parents feel like they can pretty much show up! his mom didn't even know what a rehearsal dinner was!!!! she also pretty much said to me that she had no desire to get to know my parents or family more before the wedding, since they would probably never see each other after that anyway. i was like... umm hellooo?? i know that they are not very 'traditional' and they also don't have a lot of money... we come from very different backgrounds... but i feel like even them offering to help would go along way. at least pretend to make an effort and don't be rude to my frickin' face! the main thing that i'm realizing about weddings is that it's a lot about expectations and family politics... as much as it's YOUR day, you also need to make sure that no huge dramas break out, and keep the peace w/ everyone. i've talked to FH about it, and he said he would talk to them about it, but he hasn't yet ... his whole family are HUGE procrastinators. my goal here, i think, is to just get through this w/o killing anyone!
ElovesJ117
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
Posted by AwaitingAugust
i told FH outright that my family is paying for our engagement party and his will need to eventually host the RD. he understood (though i'm not sure if he spoke to his family yet)
FH and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. But my parents did pay for the engagement party so I think I will take your advice and simply put it that my parents paid for the E-Party and yours will pay for the RD. I actually feel that it is very fair to everyone.
little34
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Yes...my inlaws paid for our RD and my parents paid for engagement party and the wedding
Lu2700
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when my FMIL wanted to help pay for some stuff w. the engagement party, i told her not to worry about it bc she was going to have a RD to pay for i think she took the hint well!
ps. my wedding is in july too and we just booked our RD. my advice would be to not wait too long to book urs bc we found that not many places (at least in our area) werent even going to LET us have a private party there on a friday night (dont know what day of the week ur looking for...) and some places were all booked up...just fyi!
hth!
saribou13
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
good to know!
FH's family hasn't even offered to help w/ ANYTHING, ugh ... but that was a convenient in for you to hint to her! lol!
springsandra
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
DH's family wouldn't pay for anything. They paid to get themselves up to the wedding (since they are OOT) and they bought us a vacuum as a present.
We paid for the RD ourselves.
I feel like you can't *make* them if they really can't afford it or won't do it. As you get closer, you'll need to discuss that with them, or if they're going to give you a present for the wedding and you can just use that money to pay for the RD if you still want to have something fancy/catered/etc.
We had ours at the hotel where everyone was staying. 24 people and it cost us exactly $800. I just put it on my CC and we had presents from the wedding to cover it by the time it was due after we were home from the HM.
HSsweethearts
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Re: Fh Family and paying for RD????
I would ask for a meeting, have them give you their list, go over eerything with them, including colors, timeline, whatever, and then give them a printout of the traditonal 'grooms family' responsibilities. Discuss if that works for them
