FH is a jerk!

Or maybe I am the wrong one? I don't know, but whenever I mention something like seeing if we can make Oheka Castle or a destination wedding work, he just gets really nasty and starts rambling on about how none of his family members could afford it. Am I a bridezilla? Lol! Probably! But I want to at least try and see the prices so I can offically rule it out! And .. even though I know we can afford a Carribean wedding and to fly out his parents and grandparents he still doesnt wanna hear it! Maybe hes just stressed b/c $$$ issues ... who knows?!


Not to mention, FH wouldnt even go for an engagement party because according to his family it is 'asking to much' ... i just dont understand.......


sorry for venting :)

explain to him it doesn't hurt to look.. but there are other places that are more affordable then oheka that are just as gorgeous.

what about the hempstead house in sandspoint?

don't fight over the location... honestly, at the end of the day... you're always going to have regrets and wants.. shoulda, coulda, woulda... didn't.

the only thing that should matter is that you're marrying HIM and he to you.

money is something that the two of you need to sit down and discuss...

---

Posted by Im_My_Own_Princess

don't fight over the location... honestly, at the end of the day... you're always going to have regrets and wants.. shoulda, coulda, woulda... didn't.

the only thing that should matter is that you're marrying HIM and he to you.

---

Excellent advice!

It's a long road to the altar, don't start it off on the wrong foot!

I really think you and your FH should sit down and discuss what is most important to you concerning the wedding.

Then talk about realistically how much money you have or will have to spend.

Do you know what FH wants? As in for the wedding? He may have some feelings he has not shared with you yet.

I feel like men respond to clear cut numbers and solutions.

Do you know how much it would cost for a wedding in either location? I would do the research, price them both out, see how much you need to save and what you both need to do to get it. Present it to him in a rational way and he might respond a little better and be less intimidated.

After some research, you may have to cross off certain venues anyway because you don't meet the guest minimum, etc.

There are many, many beautiful places, just do your research! Good luck!

You can find our price ranges simply by researching online... honestly, I wouldnt want to check out some place i know i wouldnt have been able to afford and then fall in love with it (same goes for wedding gowns)... and i also agree that e-parties are asking for too much... i never liked the idea of them and ive thankfully never had to attend one... dont want to offend those who have had them but, first an e-party gift, then a bridal shower gift, and then a wedding gift? i personally do not have a money tree growing in my backyard

Weddings can get out of hand. Ours is 3 times more than we started out.
FH thought that was expensive until a guy he knows is in the poorhouse cause his girl planned their wedding and its 3 times more than our actually costs!

Destination weddings are not always the way to go..it may be less money for you but think about your guests...not all can afford the airfare and hotel. Plus, you will wind up getting less gifts because of it.

You will find as the planning goes along that you will have to compromise and not get all the goodies you want.

You could always go to Oheka alone or with a friend or one of your family members to get prices. That way you can find out for your own if it's in your range or not, and if it's not in your range, don't even tell your FH.

FHs can be terrible when it comes to money. When I selected the tuxedos from Men's Warehouse, I selected the top of the line tux ($149 vs. the low end of $89). FH complained that $149 was simply too much money, and it took twenty minutes of arguing and seeing the salesman CRINGE when he showed FH the lower priced one.

---

Posted by saralee1978

FHs can be terrible when it comes to money. When I selected the tuxedos from Men's Warehouse, I selected the top of the line tux ($149 vs. the low end of $89). FH complained that $149 was simply too much money, and it took twenty minutes of arguing and seeing the salesman CRINGE when he showed FH the lower priced one.

---

My DH was just in a wedding where the tux from MW was like yours $149... and with tax and all came out to $170... my jaw hit the floor and we were a bit ticked... in the end its still a rental and these tux rental companies make out like bandits... they 'sell' the same exact tux to hundreds of guys before they prob look ratty and worn and need to be retired... what a profit!

I had a similar situation...

My Fh was worried about the budget as well. He didn't want to talk about the planning and kept saying 'we don't have the money'.

The best thing I could have done was set up a budget outline on our computer (excel) and I went through it with him. It gave him a chance to see what we have to work with.

Maybe you could give something like that a try?

Also, it doesn't hurt to look at Oheka... but you are going to want to know your budget before you do.

---

Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

---

Posted by saralee1978

FHs can be terrible when it comes to money. When I selected the tuxedos from Men's Warehouse, I selected the top of the line tux ($149 vs. the low end of $89). FH complained that $149 was simply too much money, and it took twenty minutes of arguing and seeing the salesman CRINGE when he showed FH the lower priced one.

---

My DH was just in a wedding where the tux from MW was like yours $149... and with tax and all came out to $170... my jaw hit the floor and we were a bit ticked... in the end its still a rental and these tux rental companies make out like bandits... they 'sell' the same exact tux to hundreds of guys before they prob look ratty and worn and need to be retired... what a profit!

---

It sucks with the tuxes....but think about it, the girls get a dress they likely will never wear again....I was in one bridal party and someone dropped a drink on me and somehow the dress got pulled, it was chiffon and there was no fixing and it was periwinkle so I never wore again.....plus the girls have to get matching shoes, and get their hair done. Guys get off easy I think.

i'll start with the e-party first.

i didn't have one. you don't need one to feellike your engaged. maybe your FH thinks that you want a big flashy party that will cost loads of money that neither you or he have to spend on it. He could also be thinking that since maybe you both don't have the money to pay for it, the responsibility would fall on your parents and maybe his parents are not financially able to pay for it or even a portion of it.
With that said, if you are absolutely set on having an eparty, why not have a small gathering in your/FH/your apt/etc home? you can invite just immediate family. buy a cake from BJ's or Costco that are yummy and cheap and some drinks and call it a day. you'll have still had an eparty and have fun and have your family together.

In regards to a destination wedding:
it doesn't hurt to look around and you still have plenty of time to do this. why not look into pricing and just get a feel for how much everything would coem out to. keep in mind that you probably won't be able to have all of your friends and family with you because not everyone will be able to afford it. h owever, you can find out how much it will cost you and at least you will know.

Once you know those prices, and you and FH start looking at RH compare the 2 and see what you could do. In the end its a choice you two will have to make and you both are not going to get everything you both want. this is just the beginning on a looong road to compromise, so its a good test run on how you will do in your married lives together.

I wanted to get married at Yankee Stadium....

FH called me all these names & mostly CRAZY and that it would be too expensive.

So I did the research and found out it is too much $$$.

But atleast I know, and I wont wonder what it would be like..

I was able to rule it out

My FH was the SAME WAY! I also didn't have an engagement party and I also had to constantly hear him ***** about money. EVERY SINGLE DAY! And the moment 'wedding' came up, it was an argument and an immediate breakdown of his income and spending. We fought A LOT about it.

Eventually I cursed him out and just did **** by myself. Instead of arguing with him about money and what we can and can't afford, I went out an researched alone. I didn't ask him to come to every hall, i just kept quotes of the ones that weren't to much money.

So the moral of the story is, don't argue with him about how you can afford it, SHOW HIM!

Now FH and I are re-booked for an AMAZING price and both excited for our wedding. (four months ago I was almost planning his funeral). It happens. Don't let it stress you out. Your the bride. Enjoy it.

And BARGAIN!

Also, i went to Ariana Studio's in Floral Park and got an AMAZING package for limo, flowers, centerpeices, dj, photo, video, invitations etc. and they worked out one large sum for it all and the hall we choose. I'd check it out!

GOOD LUCK!

I'm kinda in the opposite boat...kinda. My FH doesnt really care about the cost, as long as it is 'the best wedding ever'...BUT with that being said, we are still realistic. I'm a medical resident and he's only about 2 years into his fiance job...so Okeha castle was WAY out of the budget. Plus, its totally not our style. You could always go look without him to just get some numbers, but throgh the grapevine, i heard its not going to be less than $200 a person...and thats insanity! Someone said it already, you have a TON more to worry about than just the RH price.

As for destination weddings, i'm sorry but i'm on your FH's side. It might be cheaper for you and him, but you really need to take into consideration your families. You might be able to fly out his parents and grandparents, but if he is really close to his extended family, then there is a problem. Destination weddings are $$$ and some people just cant afford airfare, hotel and might not even be able to take off the time from work (i know i can't go to one this coming april because i can't get the time).

I'm in the same boat you are with an e-party. We had a big party for my graduation this past june, and both my FH and I feel bad for asking people to come to another party and give gifts. It all comes down to $$$ and we just feel bad putting people out, again! So what we are gonna do is have the immediate family and bridal party and go out to dinner. Nothing big, just a get together to celebrate the engagement. You can also get a potluck togetget at your house. Just domething very small, not need to put people out.

In the long run, sit down with him. We all want the best wedding inthe world, but it all has to be within reason. If you (not YOU in particular, just a general you) can afford the castle and a 500 person e-party...power to you...but lord knows we all can't. Don't feel bad about it, where ever you have it, its going to be amazing!