I had asked him if he wanted to marry me, and he said yes, so in my mind thats an engagement. But he doesnt see it as official because HE didnt ask ME. But we had agreed that I would start looking into prices and availability of stuff, because we are going to get married, he just cant afford a ring right now.
So this weekend he mentioned in front of some of our friends 'I would want to get married at Oheka Castle' so I tell him how expensive it is, just for the site fee, and recommend somewhere else we could go look with a similar theme.
and then he looks at me and says 'yeah, but we aren't engaged'
ok, I got upset with this. We talked about it later that night, reminded him (his memory goes at the most INCONVENIENT times) of our conversation where I had asked him, and he had said yes, and his response was 'technically'
I wanted to brain him. In my book, if one person asks the other to marry them and the other person says yes, THATS AN ENGAGEMENT!!!
sorry for burdening you, but had to rant about it somewhere.
Thanks
cindyandkevin
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made me soo mad this weekend
I understand why you're upset, but I also understand why your FH thinks you're only 'technically' engaged. Men have a sense of pride, they want to do things the right way. Your FH doesn't want you to say 'we're engaged' and have people ask 'where's your ring?' bc that would make him feel really bad since he can't afford it yet.
I think he's waiting until he can afford the ring and properly propose (the way he wants to) before he can say that you're 'officially engaged'.
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made me soo mad this weekend
Usually when you agree to start looking at places even though you don't have a ring you are engaged. But if he is saying to not really go on with the planning, then i will just let things go for a little bit...GUys also have this macho thing and he probably would like to take more charge so give him some time to propose to you until you plan...I wouldn't put money down on anything or start planning if he is saying that he cant afford it now or the ring
eternitybride
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made me soo mad this weekend
I can understand that, but the funny thing is 20 minutes earlier he was telling the same friends how we are going to raise our '4' children and where we were going to move when he finishes grad school. Its just frustrating.
eternitybride
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made me soo mad this weekend
he doesnt mind me looking though, because he knows it will help us budget. its like a green light wait red light, ok green light again.
Espo22
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Re: FH made me soo mad this weekend
Posted by eternitybride
I can understand that, but the funny thing is 20 minutes earlier he was telling the same friends how we are going to raise our '4' children and where we were going to move when he finishes grad school. Its just frustrating.
Doesnt mean he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you. But many couples used to talk about these things way before they were engaged...Yes its in his plans but just not now.
Also, if he doesnt have the money now and doesn't even have money to get the ring, then that would also mean its not a great time for a wedding, he probably wants to save money and wait until he is financially stable.
So sorry, i know this must be frustrating and you're probably hurt , but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you or that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you
dplehat
Posted:
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Re: FH made me soo mad this weekend
I am sorry your fh is acting this way. I agree with pp that he feels inadequate since he has not purchased a ring yet. The way it sounds is when you too are alone he all for being engaged but when others are around he is like what engagment. He prob doesn't want people to look down on him since he can't afford the ring now. But making you look like you are forcing the marriage thing is wrong. You asked he said yes then your engaged. Ring or no ring. Explain that getting engaged does not mean you have to get married tomorrow. It just means that you will be getting married in the future. Fh friend got engaged June 2005 and just set a date for June 2010. Good luck
SuperFly
Posted:
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Re: FH made me soo mad this weekend
cheer up hunny youve got a man who loves you and he wants to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you hes saving up so youll get your ring soon and then youll get marrie dbut the most importatnt thing is that you guys are in love and want to be togegther
eternitybride
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made me soo mad this weekend
we were talking 09 or 10 because of school, but I dont want to wait for him to finish grad school, because that is 7 to 8 years from now. He took a few years off then went back to undergrad. I will be done with Law School in 08, so hopefully we could afford something then, I just dont like the mixed messages
ellebelle1
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made me soo mad this weekend
Did you see Dr. Phil yesterday? It was about a woman who married a man, who kept telling her he wasn't sure he wanted to marry her. She married him anyway and was miserable.
LaurenluvsTJ
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made me soo mad this weekend
How did the conversation go? Were you like just hanging out and you casually said to him 'Do you want to marry me?' because if he said yes to that, I wouldn't really consider that an engagement. DH and I talked a lot of times about getting married before we were 'officially' engaged.
He might have something already planned out how he is going to propose and by you thinking you are already engaged this is ruining his plan. I would go with the flow here. Don't tell anyone you are engaged, let him do his thing.
