FH vent...Kind of long

angelscri Posted: Apr 18, 2010 09:39 PM

FH vent...Kind of long

JTG4EVER Posted: Apr 18, 2010 09:46 PM

Re: FH vent...Kind of long

No you are right. He should not talk to you like that. However, he is only doing it out of anger. He doesn't really mean it. He is upset. And even though you told him over and over again that people are walking all over him, you are gonna be his person to vent to. Unfortunately, our FH's will take things out on us because we are there to vent to and also because we just listen and we aren't going to judge. They know they can blow off steam, say i'm sorry i was just venting, and its all over. It doesn't need to cause an argument. Honestly, he sounds like he just really stressed out and he knows that these people are taking advantage of him, but he got himself so deep into a mess. He will work his way out of it. You just need to be there for him. I'm sorry he made you upset. He doesn't mean it.

angelscri Posted: Apr 18, 2010 09:58 PM

Re: FH vent...Kind of long

Yeah I know you are right, I know he is stressed out, I guess the part that hurts is that he did not even care that he was being rude to me.

JTG4EVER Posted: Apr 18, 2010 10:01 PM

Re: FH vent...Kind of long

It's not that he didn't care. Trust me. He cares. Just men have a hard time feeling two things at once. He is pissed off at himself so he just isnt thinking. He doesn't realize he hurt you because he isn't thinking. We have to train them to think about us. Just give him a little space and then when he calms down a little talk to him. Tell him that he hurt you and that you don't like when he says stuff like that. Last we FH and I got in an argument and he told me to F*** off. He was pissed off and he hurt me. So a day or two later after he calmed down I told him I didnt appreciate him saying that to me and told him that he hurt me. He apologized and told me he would try to not do things like that when he's angry.

Give it time and then talk to him about it. Communication is the key.

JLWSJC Posted: Apr 18, 2010 10:01 PM

Re: FH vent...Kind of long

Posted by angelscri

Yeah I know you are right, I know he is stressed out, I guess the part that hurts is that he did not even care that he was being rude to me.

FH and I have had this same problem... and we've talked about it but after it's over... and from then on we've both tried to remember that the other person is not a punching bag. It's ok to vent and lean, but there's a difference being nasty.

Has the talk eliminated it? No. But we're both a lot more mindful of it when we're the venter and a lot more understanding about it when it does happen that we're the ventee and the venter gets overwhelmed.

So, after this blows over, see if you can chat and just explain you don't want to fight, and you know he was upset, but it's not fair for him to be nasty to you and you want to be there for him when he's dealing.
You guys'll work it out, but I know it's hurtful