Is there anyone out there that dislikes your FH's choice for BM? I can stand FH's choice for BM but I have no choice but to suck it up because it is not my call. My FH was married before and he is choosing the same BM. I explained that I was not comfortable with this choice but FH does not want to choose anyone else. He said he is closest to this person. There are other reasons that I would need like a 100 pages to explain but the two that stand out is 1st obvious one, he was his BM for his 1st wedding. 2 - I was not treated very well by this person when FH and I first started dating because this person was still friends with FH's ex-wife. Girls this guy makes my stomach turn! He is no longer friends with the ex-wife but it is not because of FH and I. All in all this guy has a big heart and many years have gone by and lots has happened since then but I still have issues with what went on over 4 yrs ago. UGH! I just had to get that off my chest because I can't say anything about this at home.
Lsorrent
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH's choice for BM - Vent
I get what you're saying, and I'm sorry you're upset, but unfortunately, this one's up to FH. It's his BM, just like you have your MOH. And to be completely honest, I don't think that he shouldn't be BM just because he was FH's BM in his first wedding. I don't think that should have anything to do with it. Hypothetically, *If* it were FH's only brother (if he has/had one) and he was his BM for his first wedding, would you still feel the same way? Probably not, because that's his brother.
As for him also still being friends with FH's ex-wife, again, it's something you can't hold against him. He gets to pick his friends......not you.
HOWEVER, if there are specific problems that lie between you and him (besides the ex-wife or the fact that he was BM in the first wedding), you should probably discuss those concerns with your FH. Tell him how you really feel, and then let him decide what he wants to do.
StaceYums81
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH's choice for BM - Vent
he doesn't really have any so its mostly my brothers and mutual friends - except his best man - who I have never met...
GR2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH's choice for BM - Vent
I understand how you feel... FH's BM is his brother...so far so good right? WRONG!!! FBIL is horrible. He is rude, innappropraite and still hangs out with FH's ex. Everytime he calls FH he is screaming at him through the phone. Everytime we all go to visit FILs he makes everyone's lives difficult, if someone takes the focus off of him he throws a FIT like a child and he's a 35 year old man. Instead of congratulating us when we got engaged all he said was 'I knew it, I knew he would ask!' We tried to take his parents to dinner and half way their he throws a hissy fit that he has homework to do so FMIL (another fav in my book) tells us to go back home so he could get his work done... ummmm why didn't you just stay home to begin with. He never calls FH just to talk or catch up, it's always when he needs something or to lecture FH about how he's not focused enough on work. Sorry but FH works VERY hard. He travels away from home 4 days a week and likes to keep his weekends for himself... FBIL works from home and thinks he has it so rough, yet he has time to play video games, go running and do other non-work related things... Sometimes I wish FH and I could just visit with FFIL!!!
So I know how it feels not to like the choice of BM...
jcreilly
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH's choice for BM - Vent
Im sorry but we are not allowed to chose the BM. Unless he has been right out rude and nasty ( now) otherwise for your Fh just let him chose who he wants to stand up there with him I am really sorry!
Jna2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH's choice for BM - Vent
i understand what youre saying but i guess if i was in that situation and fh didnt like my moh i dont think i would change it, maybe id try to make him more comfortable but with my choice
maybe try going out all together for dinner or something so you feel better about his decision, maybe he's changed?
FutureMrsKuehne
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH's choice for BM - Vent
yeah i really am not comfortable w/FHs BM, because he is very irresponsible, drinks WAYYYYY too much, n always gettin in trouble....
if it werent for FH wanting to do a jack n jill bachelor/ette party, i dunno wut id do (cuz he has his heart set on us all goin to mohegan sun) cuz last time FH was out w/BM, FH ended up in the emergency room.
i cant even deal i get a nervous stomach any time he mentions his BM name.....BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT FH feels the same way a bout my MOH cuz shes kinda crazy.....(there are HUGE differences tho, believe me...my MOH will spend time w/me whether im drinking or not...BM dont wanna see FH unless theres liquor involved....it *****)
but i cant do anything, they're best friends, and ive threatened him multiple times that he will NOT ruin my wedding, he will NOT get FH to the church wasted...etc etc
p.s.- funny sidenote....our MOH & BM were engaged for a while....they arent together anymore n dont have the best relationship....thats another drama...we've had to ban both of them from bringing guests to the wedding, cuz they will purposely bring someone to make the other jealous, etc n i dont need that drama
mag2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH's choice for BM - Vent
Thanks for sharing your stories and advice. We have discussed FH's choice many time and in the end it always end up in an argument. I had a hard time accepting FH's choice and knew way before we got engaged this person was going to be BM. Believe me I tried hard to change his mind but in the end I know it is his choice. Thanks again Ladies!
MarjorieFrank
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH's choice for BM - Vent
I am totally fine with FH's choice for BM, but if I had a problem with the guy I think FH would change it, it doesn't mean THAT much to him. I am sorry... I would try talking to FH again and telling him truly uncomfortable this makes you and ask him to consider someone else or just not having a BM. Good Luck
