Fighting with your FH

It just seems that there has not been two weeks that have gone by without FH and I getting into a fight - a fight which makes me want to sleep out on the couch I am so upset and angry. Is anyone else fighting like this? Look at me, I'm trying to normalize our fighting and say to myself,'see! it's no big deal! everyone else does too!' but the reality is is that I know we fight more than most couples and though we are inside three months of getting married we are BOTH scared (when we fight) that we are making a big mistake. When things are good, things are great - when they're bad they are entirely awful. Last night, for example, we fought over three things, each escalating to the next. For me to detail the fights would make this post too long - and I don't want that! But I do need some guidance here......a) is this normal or b) are we kidding ourselves? We are three months away from having a HUGE wedding at a HUGE hotel in NYC and I'm scared (@)#$(*@

THanks, girls...

did you always fightlike this??

If not it probably is that you guys are dealing with a HUGE event!!! THere is so much stress and anxiety that comes along with weddings and Im sure once you are on your honyemoon and your lives are back to normal without all the added craziness , things will be fine.

Hey, I can totally relate with you. I have always heard that the last few months leading up towards the wedding can drive any couple INSANE. Not to worry though, you are NOT the only one out there. There are plenty of girls who come on here and vent about this same type of cituation. FH and I fight about the stupidest things constantly.. but deep down inside you MUST know that you truly do love them regardless. Just ask yourself this... Can you imagine your life without him??? For me, no matter how much we fight... he's still my best friend and I could never, ever imagine him out of my life. Good luck with everything

FlyLil - thank you for that support, really. It was unbiased and real and I appreciate it. Sitting from where I am I am so scared - but I could not leave him, he could not leave me, I do know we love each other. I just think to myself - if we fight, and some of our fights have NOTHIGN to do with the wedding, what's going on here??!

ehh.. if those are the wost things you fight about.. in the grand scheme of things, its not that big of a deal!!! I would maybe just talk to him and both of you can make a compromise to 'pick your battles' so that there is a little more give and take

PS FH and I fight about his work hours ALL the time.

smooches to you all.

OK, here's his work hours: they are crazy and I no, I am not lying, so don't fall off your chair when I read them to you.

He works on wall street, keep in mind, as a trader.

Wake up at 6.
In office by 7:30
Client Dinner (three times a week) Home by 11:30 or 12 at latest.

No weekend work but HELLO!!! we barely see each other during the week. Whaddya girls do when you don't see your FH for dinner during week? xoxox

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Posted by FunBride

smooches to you all.

OK, here's his work hours: they are crazy and I no, I am not lying, so don't fall off your chair when I read them to you.

He works on wall street, keep in mind, as a trader.

Wake up at 6.
In office by 7:30
Client Dinner (three times a week) Home by 11:30 or 12 at latest.

No weekend work but HELLO!!! we barely see each other during the week. Whaddya girls do when you don't see your FH for dinner during week? xoxox

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FLIP out on him!!!!!

lol... he is in the marines and we were apart for a good portion of our relationship so when he works all the time I flip

Jen - when your FH is gone for the marines he is GONE so you don't have to look at the clock being like, 'lord. it's 12 am. where is he.' you KNOW he's not coming home!!!!!!! !

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Posted by FunBride

FlyLil - thank you for that support, really. It was unbiased and real and I appreciate it. Sitting from where I am I am so scared - but I could not leave him, he could not leave me, I do know we love each other. I just think to myself - if we fight, and some of our fights have NOTHIGN to do with the wedding, what's going on here??!

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I totally understand. We are also fighting a lot more than normal and it usually isn't about the wedding at all. I think that it the stress of the wedding and making a HUGE change that is magnifying any little tiny thing. Plus, there are two sets of families who each have a lot of opinions on how things should be done and that only adds to the stress.

If it makes you feel better, I had the exact same feelings that you are having last week. I called a recently married friend and asked her if this is normal and she said absolutely. I think that you have to look at your relationship as a whole and try to figure out whether this is just jitters or if there is somthing in your relationship that you and FH need to address. Hope that helps...

thank you to all your supportive responses.....such a stupid fight last night. argh. anyways, he callled me this morning to apologize - thank GOODNESS> girls are just more vocal about these things than our men. xoxooxox thanks again.......

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Posted by FunBride

smooches to you all.

OK, here's his work hours: they are crazy and I no, I am not lying, so don't fall off your chair when I read them to you.

He works on wall street, keep in mind, as a trader.

Wake up at 6.
In office by 7:30
Client Dinner (three times a week) Home by 11:30 or 12 at latest.

No weekend work but HELLO!!! we barely see each other during the week. Whaddya girls do when you don't see your FH for dinner during week? xoxox

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FH and I have NO days off together. And he works M,W,Th,F from 10am to 10pm and Sat/Sun from 10am to 6pm.

What do we do?

We make the most out of the time we have together. It's so precious and we know life won't always be like this. So why fight over it?

I don't know you or your FH, but some of your statements alarm me. I would suggest, before walking down the aisle, for both of you to address your concerns and fears to one another. Getting married is a HUGE step and it effects everyone differently. There's nothing wrong with talking to each other about what you're feeling, your expectations, your concerns/thoughts, etc.

Do you have a minister/priest/friend/counselor you could maybe talk to about this?

I'm so sorry to hear you struggling with this. The months leading up to a wedding do magnify everything, I would totally agree. Things that used to only annoy you may now be converted to 'can I possibly deal with 'that' for the REST of my life?' I was engaged before and the fighting in the months leading up to the wedding was getting to an unreasonable level. I look back on that now and think that some of that were core relationship problems and some of it was just being really really nervous about getting married (I was freaking out). It is what it is now and I am thrilled to be with my fh. That being said, I now recognize that the arguments back then were a lot about nerves, not about not loving that person. So... just take a few deep breaths and really try to figure out if it's really just wedding/arriage nerves or if these are red flags to take note of. And you know what, you are going to be OK either way and I wish you all the best getting through this bumpy time!!!!!!!!

I feel like I wrote all of your post. I am going thru the same thing with my FH. It's hard and it's discouraging. I just keep reminding myself that it's only stress that is causing us to act like this. (well and maybe his parents) We spend one day a week together now (cause of his work) and we usually spend it fighting. We just went on a mini vacation together and had so much fun. It just reminded me how great our relationship can be. Some times you need to step away from everything and just spend time together. I just keep reminding myself that we are going thru a big change together and it's scary. So you are not alone. I am extremely scared but I know in my heart that I couldn't spend my life without my FH. Not all love is easy and just cause it's not easy doesn't mean it's not great.

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Posted by FunBride

It just seems that there has not been two weeks that have gone by without FH and I getting into a fight - a fight which makes me want to sleep out on the couch I am so upset and angry. Is anyone else fighting like this? Look at me, I'm trying to normalize our fighting and say to myself,'see! it's no big deal! everyone else does too!' but the reality is is that I know we fight more than most couples and though we are inside three months of getting married we are BOTH scared (when we fight) that we are making a big mistake. When things are good, things are great - when they're bad they are entirely awful. Last night, for example, we fought over three things, each escalating to the next. For me to detail the fights would make this post too long - and I don't want that! But I do need some guidance here......a) is this normal or b) are we kidding ourselves? We are three months away from having a HUGE wedding at a HUGE hotel in NYC and I'm scared (@)#$(*@

THanks, girls...

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it sounds like alot of it is wedding nerves. i've been so nervous and overwlemed i've been trying to pick fights just so i can blow off some steam! and i know about working crazy hours ... my fh and i have a weird schedule and when he comes home i wanna talk (about everything including the wedding) and he's just so tired he doesn't wanna hear anything. then i think he doesn't wanna get married and the wholee thing starts! what we've been doing now is making a 'date night' where just the 2 of us are together in a diff setting than home and just talk over drinks. it's relaxing and helps.

It sound like you have a really passionate relationship and probably should have a therapist to talk to just to help you guys learn to compromise. Each person comes to the relationship with their own needs and expectations and sometimes we need someone neutral to help us sort out the compromises. Fighting in itself isn't harmful- its how you fight and why. So even though you are overwhelmed with wedding planning right now talking over your issues as a couple or even by yourself definately could help. FM me if you need to talk.