Finally saw Mom today

I spoke to Mom on the phone before the visit today. (Yesterday she was sleeping when I got to her). She seemed sort of motivated about getting the heck out of rehab and going home. She told me that her legs may not be strong enough to walk me down the aisle but that she'd be in a chair under the chuppah waiting for me and my brother so she will SEE us. I said that was fine with me - that I just needed her there. I also told her that we turned our lives around to take care of her and we will continue to do so forever - no matter how cranky she gets. BUT it isnt fair to expect us to do this if she does not generate the will to want to get out from where she is. She MUST do her exercise and she MUST do HER part to get well.

This is of course after my sister told me there is a teeny tiny chance that if she is in the unit she is now at the time of the wedding, they will not release her for the day and allow her to come back. That would mean she wouldnt be able to come to the wedding without compromising her care and we can't do that. THIS is why it is critical for her to do ALL of her therapies (OT and PT) so she can get placed in a less restrictive environment.

All of this on my head with my wedding date one month from today. I lost it on the phone crying in hysterics with FH and I feel like someone came up to me and sucker punched me in the gut. I gave mom pictures and a wedding invitation to look at to inspire her to do well but I am not so sure it will work. I think she believes, as everyone says 'it will all work out'. But everyone else is not me. I made peace with the fact that Dad isn't going to be there. I need ONE parent. This is not the typical bridal woes that I am supposed to have. This isnt about colors or dresses or wacky BMS with a screwed up temperament. This is hardcore serious stuff. MOM will have missed both of my fittings (one is on Friday). MOM will miss my appointment with my florist tomorrow. Mom will miss the meetings with the caterer. It $ucks and it hurts.