My parents (who are divorced) are contributing a small amount to our wedding compared to how much the total wedding is costing. I am also contributing money. My mother has a lot more people on her list than the amount she is contributing--the list includes family and friends. When I asked her to cut her list, it caused a big argument because she said that she has to invite these people and that she can't contribute more money. Should I pursue the issue or just contribute more money to the pot to create peace?
brideinapril
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Re: Financial Question
I would just try to keep the peace, my fh and i are paying for the wedding ourselves and his familys list is way more than mine, I'm just going with the flow!
wenndypoo
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Re: Financial Question
If it's not too much of a burden, I would invite them to keep peace. If you cannot afford it, than explain to your mom that it's not financially possible for you. She can explain to her friends that due to financial constraints, you are keeping it small. I think most people understand that these days. The only people that 'have' to be there are you, FH, and the person marrying you!
Moms can be tough when it comes to this whole wedding thing - good luck!
dolphin
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If you can afford it, i would just keep the peace. my FILs are contributing about 1/6 of the wedding cost. it is just not worth the guilt later IMO
MindyL28
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I know it's horrible to think of it this way but you will probably get a gift from these people- if it's money, it may be enough to reimburse you for paying for their plate. Does that make sense?
nsgraham
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Re: Financial Question
DO not count on people covering their plates. That's a given on these boards, tons of people have said it before.
The question is twofold- do you want all these people, and can you afford to spend this money? You don't seem to have a massive problem with the fact that it's a lot of people, so I guess you wouldn't mind, but it is *Your* wedding, and you have to remember that.
Then, can you afford it? DO NOT START YOUR MARRIAGE IN DEBT. If it takes having your mom create a b list, then do it - people will get over not being invited if you say you're keeping it small. Your mom really doesn't have a right to demand so many more people if she can't help you out with the costs. There has to be a compromise made here - your mom may need to grow up a bit and face the facts. Show her the hard numbers - this is how much it is a head, this is how much all of your people would cost and this is how much we have.
Can you tell I've had this issue?
Put your foot down if you need to - if you go into debt it's your future that's mortgaged, not hers.
Good luck!
butterfly20
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Re: Financial Question
if you can afford it then invite them anyways..
however if its going to be a financial burden, and that money could be better used towards buying furnature or something, then put your foot down..
also you said her family and friends... are these people you see? because if its people shes inviting that you really dont know well then there is no need to foot the bill on strangers.. IMO
september2004
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Re: Financial Question
Posted by nsgraham
DO not count on people covering their plates. That's a given on these boards, tons of people have said it before.
The question is twofold- do you want all these people, and can you afford to spend this money? You don't seem to have a massive problem with the fact that it's a lot of people, so I guess you wouldn't mind, but it is *Your* wedding, and you have to remember that.
Then, can you afford it? DO NOT START YOUR MARRIAGE IN DEBT. If it takes having your mom create a b list, then do it - people will get over not being invited if you say you're keeping it small. Your mom really doesn't have a right to demand so many more people if she can't help you out with the costs. There has to be a compromise made here - your mom may need to grow up a bit and face the facts. Show her the hard numbers - this is how much it is a head, this is how much all of your people would cost and this is how much we have.
Can you tell I've had this issue?
Put your foot down if you need to - if you go into debt it's your future that's mortgaged, not hers.
Good luck!
well said.
i get so irate with 'counting on presents' posts, i view it as stupid and low class - maybe i'm just a snot, who knows...
i think i should just keep my trap shut and not contribute to those discussions...
