We had our first real discussion about having a baby lastnight and it didn't go well. I want it soon, he wants to wait at least another 6 months. I can deal with that since we have only been married for 6 months. But then came the whole working vs. staying at home dilemma. I have always told him that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Now he is saying we can't do that and thate most I can stay home is a year! I know most people do work, but that was just not my plan! And I really feel that we can make it without me working. Also, I was wondering if any of you guys have seen studies on the negative effects of daycare on a child. If so, please post the link. Thanks!
brideinapril
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Re: First baby discussion-didn't go well
I haven't seen any studies on that, but from my experience with my son - he was in some kind of Day Care since he was 9 months old - he loved it, he is 7 now and still goes back to his preschool/daycare that he went to when he was 2 - for vacations from school and days he's off and I'm not. I think he learned a lot from that experience. As for my right now, I am due to have twins in October and I really really really, want to stay home with them! I can take off for a year, then I'll just have to see what happens.
bxgell2
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Re: First baby discussion-didn't go well
If anything, there are studies indicating that oftentimes your child is better off at daycare because he/she then learns how to socialize at an early age, and as well, learns how to form bonds with other adults...
AJsMommy122
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Re: First baby discussion-didn't go well
I am a SAHM and I agree with the above poster. I think its actually good for children to socialize. I have a nephew who is only 3 months older then my son. When they see eachother all of a sudden my son is doing new things he never did before/saying new words. They really learn so much from eachother!!!! ( I wish my son would learn how to share!)
Hazeleyes33
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Re: First baby discussion-didn't go well
I have to agree also, both my children have been in daycare and they are very social and well-adjusted. I would love to stay home too but it is not possible for us. It will be hard in the beginning but after you realize that your child is 'ok', you, then will also be ok!
michele31
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Re: First baby discussion-didn't go well
I think you need to ask him WHY he wants you to work? Perhaps he fears trying to be the sole-provider or he doesn't really think your income is that disposable. Put it to the test...go without your salary for 3 months (just put every last penny in your savings account). See if you can really pay your bills, and figure out the lifestyle with only one income.
I don't believe that daycare has a negative effect...I believe bad daycare can have, but I also believe that a SAHM who keeps the TV on day, and doesn't interact with their child is just as bad for a child.
2003OCT10
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Re: First baby discussion-didn't go well
I wouldnt stress about whether or not to stay home past the year mark or not. Once the baby actually enters your life, its soooooo different.... My DH wanted me to stay home and I wanted to go back to work. After the baby and the mommy and me classes and all the good things that I witnessed (first smile, first steps, first booboo) I would never change it! Now that hes a little over two.... A couple days a week in some sort of school or daycare is being questioned... Good Luck!
boobobunny
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Re: First baby discussion-didn't go well
i dont know about any studies...but I had a girlfriend who really wanted to be a SAHM..so her husband told her that if they can go 6 months without touching her salary that she could stop working altogether. Maybe since you plan on waiting another 6 months you could try something like that to see if you really need your income.
soon2bMrs
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Re: First baby discussion-didn't go well
I want to be a SAHM to Alex as well but DH wants me to go back to work. Last night we were trying to work out a budget to see if I can actually stay home. I am really hoping that I can. The numbers look good but until we actually start living with it, it can be a whole new story. I agree with the suggestion of trying to live without your salary now to get a realistic view of how life would be with you staying at home. Don't get discouraged once you have a baby your DH's opinion may change. Before the baby DH wouldn't even consider me staying at home, now it is a possibilty.
