So I’m having my sister's kids in the bridal party. The oldest is a bridesmaid and the middle one is my flower girl. They also have a little girl that’ll be 1 and a half by my wedding. While she is adorable and can walk on her own. I feel that she’s too young to participate. Besides she doesn’t really know me or my fiancé. Every time I try to bond with her she would cry or run away. I don’t want to offend her parents by not picking their youngest as well, but I don’t want a scene at my ceremony. What should I do? Is 1 and a half old enough to be a flower girl?
portjeffbride
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
don't do it..... it's not like you have something against the youngest, it's just that she is still too small to participate.... The parents need the option to run away with her if she begins to cry... Also, it may work out that she'll be ready to nap at the same time the ceremony starts... weddings have a lot of excitement, and it tires out the little ones.
I'm sure the parents will understand...
Kaytea
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
I'm afraid I'm not getting through to them. They keep on telling me she's stable enough to walk with her middle sister. It might be the case but it's scary for a kid when everyone is staring at her. I just dont want to risk it... How do I get the point across?
megsm3
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
we had five of my dhs nieces as our fgs - they ranged in age from 6(almost 7) to 18 mos. The 18 month old walked down with her parents, who were both apart of the bp - it worked out great. Your little niece could walk down with her sister that is also going to be a fg
eta - we loved having all the kids in the wedding - they were adorable and really loved the attention
Mrs.Ptobe
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
IMO, no child under 4 should be at a wedding (and none under 16 should be invited as a guest), for the point mentioned above... do you want screaming in the middle of your 'I do's?' Especially if you are paying for a video, that would make me regret it, but that's just my feelings. It's hard when family and even friends you are close to have real little one's. Even with my 4 y.o. FG and 11 y.o. JR BM - I do have some mild concerns about behavior issues - but I know their mom's will keep them in line that day, but worst of all is a 10 y.o. that will be there with no parental supervision b/c his only parent at my wedding will be FH. I already asked my Banquet Mgr if the kids can hang in the Bridal Suite if they get bored during the reception... I may even ask a teen if they care to be a baby sitter if need be and pay them about $10/hr. - it's only 4 hours and I'm sure the parent's don't want to deal with the kids at a nice dinner and in my case I need back up for FH's child.
I love my MOH's son to pieces, but he will only be a little over 2 y.o. by the time of my wedding... I would love a little ring bearer, but no way am I having a child under 4. Belive me too, my MOH will probably love having a nice day out - without the kids. We also did not ask FH's brother if his child (FH's neice) to be a FG - she will be about 18 months by the wedding also. If she were at least 4, without a doubt I would have her in the BP. FH and I both agreed she is too young.
SReidy
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
My one and only niece wasn't even 1 when we got married and she was the best flower girl I've ever seen. My brother walked her down the aisle by holding her hands over her head and allowing her to walk and she smiled the entire way down the aisle, looking from left to right and walking slow enough to really look at everyone. She adores my hubby and kept grinning at him as she was getting closer- it's one of my favorite parts of our video. I say you should definitely have her in, if it's what you want!! If you want her in there you should maybe bring one of her favorite movies over to watch with her and spend time with her and hopefully she'll come around.
Pencils
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
I think 1.5 is too young for a flower girl. It might work out, but it might not, and a screaming child running away in the middle of your ceremony isn't cute. Her sister isn't old enough to control her. It's asking for trouble, and you want everything to be perfect on the day. Tell her parents gently that you'd be too worried about it going wrong and that you don't need anything else to worry about.
OTOH, to those who thing that no one under 16 should be invited to a wedding--I think that's a bit harsh. Depends on the wedding. If your wedding is a black tie evening affair, then, yes, it's not for children. However, I believe that weddings are about bringing your loved ones together so they can witness the creation of your new family. Loved ones meaning your friends and your family. Children are part of the family. I would never have a wedding where children would be excluded. In fact, we have all the children in our family--none are younger than six--in the bridal party. We thought they'd enjoy it. And they will have fun at the reception, I've made sure of it. And I think it's a little weird to allow children to be in your bridal party but not be invited otherwise. It's like you're using them for the photo ops, nothing else. But, hey, that's just my opinion.
Mrs.Ptobe
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
Posted by Pencils
OTOH, to those who thing that no one under 16 should be invited to a wedding--I think that's a bit harsh. Depends on the wedding. If your wedding is a black tie evening affair, then, yes, it's not for children. However, I believe that weddings are about bringing your loved ones together so they can witness the creation of your new family. Loved ones meaning your friends and your family. Children are part of the family. I would never have a wedding where children would be excluded. In fact, we have all the children in our family--none are younger than six--in the bridal party. We thought they'd enjoy it. And they will have fun at the reception, I've made sure of it. And I think it's a little weird to allow children to be in your bridal party but not be invited otherwise. It's like you're using them for the photo ops, nothing else. But, hey, that's just my opinion.
That's the great thing... just sharing opinions... I'm doing a Sunday afternoon and my invites will actually say 'Adult Reception to follow'. While I agree it's about bringing friends and family together, if I invited every child to my wedding (I'm 33, everyone I know has kids) then I should unbook my hall and get married at Chuck E Cheese b/c the kids would out number the adults - by far. Again, that's just my opinion and my unique situation. I only want the kids that are in the BP, otherwise $60 dinner (and that's half price for those under 12) I think is a bit steep for a kids meal and it wouldn't be appreciated anyway by the kids eating it. I'd be having about a 300 person wedding if I opened up for kids and for my particular budget that would make it impossible for me to have a wedding. To be honest, no one I've told my wishes to has had a problem (including my MOH/mother of 2 who actually reinforced my feelings), in fact my FG has a sister who will be a little over a year old and her mother seems totally cool about getting some one to watch the little cutie and about her older daughter being in the BP. It will by far be less for her to deal with to on that day. Parent's I know enjoy a nice time out without the kids.
Whatever you do, as long as you are comfortable, that is what counts...
Kaytea
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
thats for your opinions! it's really helpful. I wouldnt want to put the burden onto my flower girl right now to look over her baby sister. The flower should just enjoy her moment.
CourtandJon
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
We're not having any kids at our wedding at all. It was a small issue for FH's mom because they have family coming in from OOT (cousins..) and she just assumed they would be invited. But when it comes down to it- it's OUR day.. not hers... so we are doing what we want and not what she wants. We might pay someone a couple hundred to watch all the kids in a hotel room for the day and just watch movies and stuff and then MAYBE they can come out for dessert (there should only be a few of them.. the rest live in the area and can get their own babysitter). Do what your guts tells you. If you are worried about the child making a scene then by all means- do not have her in the wedding. This is YOUR day and it will only happen once.. so make sure it's exactly as you have always dreamed.
blu6385
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
well i want a young flower girl in my wedding and i only have someone that would be on ly 1 at the time ... my firend toldme here sister had her daoguhter in the wedding and she was only one and what they did was hold a lolipop at the end of the asile so she would go after that!!
KatieChris07
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
i dont think 1.5 is too young for a flower girl. and most of the time its cuter when they do cute/funny things as they walk down the aisle. and if shes walking with her sister, she'll probably be fine. my flower girls will be 5 and 2 and i'm just wondering what theyre going to do at the ceremony! i wouldnt worry about the age thing, plus you still have plenty of time to bond with her. JMO
kat74
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
I am in the same situation as you My oldest niece is a Jr. Bridesmaid, my mddle neice (6 yrs old) is my flower girl-- and the baby will be 1 year and 8 months old at my wedding.
I am having the 'baby' dress like a flower girl and on that day if she is able to she will walk down the isle with her sister (the other flower girl)-- if she's not in a cooperative mood that day, she will simply be in a few pictures dressed like a flower girl. I wanted her to be part of it for a few reasons-- but one of them is-- when she is older i don't want her to feel left out.
kflan75
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
i think it should come down to what is important to you and your FI. and personally I I was not one of those brides who would have freaked out if the FG or RB acted out-- they are kids for gods sake and you cant expect them to 'perform' just because its your wedding day... IMO I cant stand it when Brides freak out that the kids 'ruin' it for them...
My nephew was 11 months old and my attitude was if he wanted to g down the aisle fine-- if he'd rather play in teh rocks outside-- then so be it... it wasnt going to make or break my day...
as for the reception-- thats a completely different story, and I think people get the hint that its 'adults only' . ( we wrote adult reception to follow as well) If someone has enough gall to come and ask why you dont want the kid there-- then dont be ashamed to say-- ' its what we decided..sorry no kids'- most of time its the parents who have a harder time dealing with it-- and they are gonna fuss then let them fuss... stand your ground!!
jessamyn78
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
I saw a picture (I believe it was on here) that the father of the flower girl, brought her down in a wagon filled with flowers. I thought it was very sweet. If you are having the baby in your wedding, you may want to think about an option like this.
ML110
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
i think it would be fine and cute for her to walk down with her sister ( the other flower girl)... are both of their parents in the wedding, too?? if not, you could have one of thhem sit in the first row of pews/chairs at the end of the aisle, so the litttle one can walk up the aisle and then sit with them during the whole ceremony, and won't have to stand up at the alter the whole time. thats what we did with my cousin. she was 3, but very shy... she walked down the aisle, and her dad and mom were in the first row, so she just sat down with them, and was fine the whole time...
Tria1110
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
My flower girl was 2 years and 4 months - and honestly - it was touch and go the entire afternoon. She wasn't good for the bp pictures but she calmed down and was great for the ceremony - both of her parents were in the bp but we also had her great aunt and uncle to take care of her so she wasn't with us during the actual ceremony.
I know the fg's parents were nervous all day about it - but honestly I knew if she wasn't up to it at that moment I would have said she is out. I loved having her be part of the ceremony but I was not going to risk her ruining my ceremony.
Give it some more thought and make your decision. If you decide to not have her you have to be clear that this is your decision - stop beating around the bush. It seems you want to express concern about the situation and hope that her parents agree - that probably won't happen. This is your day - you need to be clear about what you want and don't want.
Good Luck!
eelharas4700
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
we are in the same position. my fh brother has 3 kids the oldest is 10, jr gm, then the middle shes 6 and is a fg. the baby is only going to be a year and 9 months so everyone agreed that he is too young and no ones feelings were hurt. it wasnt like i didnt want him to be part of the day....it just wasnt that it would work out so well.
Kaytea
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
thanks you guys! I still have a lot to think about...
nifheim
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Re: Flower girl dilemma
My fg is going to be 7 and my ring bearer will be 7 also and that is fine with me. Some kids can handle the whole walking down the aisle and deal with being the center of attention for a second but most kids don't. IF they kid cant deal with you now how do you expect the kid to like being apart of all your pictures with you?
