Several weeks ago she asked how many people we were looking at for the rehearsal dinner. I said 20 (that includes both sets of parents, the BP, one set of grandparents, my hair/makeup person & her husband--they are like family to me, and my mom's best friend for Cali who is also like family and flying in a week early to help out). She called today to tell me that since they are paying for it, they arent inviting the last two couples I mentionned because they arent family or in the BP. I explained that I wanted them there and wouldnt feel right if they werent. She went on to say that its adding up to more than they wanted to spend and the place is kind of expensive, so they just wont be inviting them. I replied by saying 'well...they have to be there. I would suggest then that you look at cheaper restaurants.' WELL -- she comes back with: Ed and I are paying for it -- sorry, they arent being invited.' I said-- 'I will be talking to chris (my FH)about this then...we need to discuss it first' So she says...heres the killer-- 'No....I will be talking to Chris and find out what HE wants' Ummmm excuse me! Does she think he will go against my wishes???? And my parents (who were in a much worst financial situation) paid for the e-party which was 70 people -- most of them were HER family, not mine!
I just cannot fathom not having these 2 couples there -- they mean so much to me and are travelling far to be with us. i cant imagine telling them 'no, you have to eat on your own'. Thats horrible. I'm almost contemplating telling her 'thanks for the offer, I'll pay for and plan it myself'. What a b**tch!
What would u do??
AeroJenn
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
Oh--I forgot to mention that she said she 'did some research and asking around' and no one but the bridal party and immediate family are suppose to attend. And that only people directly involved with the planning of the wedding should be there. well in that case...none of them should be there! The groomsmen and bridesmaids didnt help with ANYTHING and neither did the grandparents or fathers.
HamptonsBride
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
What if you offered to pay for just those two couples? Then it wouldn't cost FMIL a penny AND you could have everyone who matters there? Just a thought!
We had a similar issue with Fh's Dad...his folks are divorced & he wanted to know who from his Mom's side would be at the RH...cause he said he's not paying for them...so we told him...never mind! Keep your money!
And his mom offered to pay...can't wait to see FFIL's face when we thank FMIL for hosting...haha...it's all stupid power trip games....arrrrgghhhh! Good luck!
jessandjimiswedding
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
i don't think you should have to pay for the 2 extra couples. i think she should. do you usually not get along with her? tell her they are invited whether she likes it or not and that she WILL be paying for them. you don't need this kind of stress st this time. you are spending a lot of your own money. and hopefully chris will back you up on this.
AeroJenn
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
Yes, I do normally get along well with her--thats why this was so out of the blue! She was so cold and nasty about it
I know it sounds stubborn, but I wont pay for just those 2 couples. Its either all or nothing....I feel like that would be so rude to have to give her $ for those 2 couples at the dinner when she's paying for everyone else. The only reason I'm saying I will pay and plan the whole thing is to embarass her and make her see how rediculous she's being (and to make a point). But I wont have her 'excluding' 4 of my guests and make me pay for them and have her still say she 'hosted' it.
Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
What did your FH say about all this when you told him?
AeroJenn
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
Posted by JIFFY
What did your FH say about all this when you told him?
My FH is actually away in Korea training right now--we only communicat thru email and I havent gotten a response yet. Funny, because FMIL specifically said 'dont talk to chris about this...he doesnt need to hear about it'--thats because she doesnt want it gettign back to him about how she spoke to me. I told him anyway--I'll keep you updated as soon as I hear back from him.
SN2BMRSBURTE
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
I think that you and your fiancee should discuss it. If you both decide that you would like those couples to be invited, then have your fiancee (hehe) tell his mother that you both don't want to burden her with the expense of the dinner, as she is so upset over the extra couples being invited., and that you will be paying for everyone....So, thanks...But No thanks....I've heard that people seem to get weird when planning weddings...Like the full moon came out. I am NOT looking forward to the family stresses..
amyandbill
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
I would offer to pay for those two couples, if that is not acceptable you can either offer to pay for the whole thing or just invite them and don't tell her. She won't have the nerve to tell them to leave.
kathrynlinton
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
Honestly?? I paid for people at my RD and for the alcohol b/c my MIL wanted people to pay for themselves.
Listen, I've been there, we fought for a good long time about this with her, and in the end, it just wasn't worth the aggravation and we paid for about half of it.
kathrynlinton
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
Posted by AeroJenn
Posted by JIFFY
What did your FH say about all this when you told him?
My FH is actually away in Korea training right now--we only communicat thru email and I havent gotten a response yet. Funny, because FMIL specifically said 'dont talk to chris about this...he doesnt need to hear about it'--thats because she doesnt want it gettign back to him about how she spoke to me. I told him anyway--I'll keep you updated as soon as I hear back from him.
As an aside, I don't think that is why FMIL doesn't what FH to hear about how this all went down, she probably doesn't think it is that big of a deal to bother him about it at this very moment when he is in a foreign country! And you know what? It probably isn't.
lilqtpie2181
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
Sweetheart, its JUST a rehearsal dinner. It is not like she told u not to invite them to the wedding. Right now thier financial situation might be a litte bit tight and she is being honest with you. In my opinion, since these 2 couples are not family, in the bridal party or somehow related... just pay for the 4 people out of pocket if it means so much to you for them to be there.
Athee07
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
Posted by lilqtpie2181
Sweetheart, its JUST a rehearsal dinner. It is not like she told u not to invite them to the wedding. Right now thier financial situation might be a litte bit tight and she is being honest with you. In my opinion, since these 2 couples are not family, in the bridal party or somehow related... just pay for the 4 people out of pocket if it means so much to you for them to be there.
yea i gotta agree with penny on this one... it just isnt worth the headache the stress and the fights.....
rojerono
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
I just thought of something... the RD is like... a YEAR away. Don't sweat it yet.
Glamorousbride
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
Ok- I think it's very nice that your fmil is willing to pay for the RD-- but she should have told you a spending limit if there was one. I don't think you went too overboard. I agree- either pay for the entire thing or nothing....if you end up paying for 1/2 of it, why should she get the credit. Also, if the four people you paid for found out......then they'd be humiliated. I agree with you completely on that. Just try to work it out with her though. At least your future in laws are willing to pay for something.
mine are pressuring me to move it up b/c of what's going on w/my fmil......yet they won't help us at all..nothing. My fsil got married last year and they gave them so much money. They said there is nothing left for us.....
Long story short-----don't worry about silly money things. If i did, i'd be a bridezilla! lol
Good luck-- do what you want it is your day!
camerakrazie
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
I think you should offer to pay for the 4 people and see what she says...i dont see her saying no...if she wont invite them then just say ok then we will pay for the extra four people because you and your FH want them to be there and end it right there
i know people are in financial situations which may limit them from inviting certain people for the RD...but its a year away..
i understand you want to make a point but having FH parents pay for it all or not at all....but i think if you offer to pay for the remaining four people then she will look like an *** and realize its only four more people to add to the list...
good luck with everything..let us know what FH says about everything
NinaChris07
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
I would offer to pay for those four people, just to end this craziness.
They are only four people and they are like family to you, so she SHOULD respect that and shouldn't make ultimatums. I think she is 100% wrong, but FH and I have had issues and we would probably just offer to pay for the four people (to stop the craziness) but maintain that those four people WILL attend your rehearsal dinner..
While it is nice that family members are generous, it is still our wedding, so we need to find that balance!
Its tough!
Meaghan729
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
I would offer to pay as well. who needs all the drama.
mskittynj
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
I would tell her to stick the money up her a** and pay for it myself! WHat she is doing is completely uncalled for!!!! Don't let this woman step all over you hunny. XOXOXO Kitty
AeroJenn
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! (long) what should I do?
Posted by mskittynj
I would tell her to stick the money up her a** and pay for it myself! WHat she is doing is completely uncalled for!!!! Don't let this woman step all over you hunny. XOXOXO Kitty
This is EXACTLY what I feel like saying and doing! FH and I are planning to sit down with her and talk some sense into her later this week. If it comes down to it...I will be saying something along those lines. I'll keep you all posted
