FMIL drama continues and i need help LONG

ok..so for those of you that dont know my situation...FMIL told me she wants a bouquet instead of a corsage. I thought this was absurd (sorry, i know some of you are getting your moms amd mils bouquets but i just dont want to. Id rtaher have both moms get the same thing so as not to make anybody feel more showy, know what i mean?) So i wrote her an email back. She also claims to have asked me to take home two of my shower favors for her which i dont remember, a) i had had some wine and b) i was a little overwhelmed that day. Ok so here are the emails...you tell me what i should write back. (im erasing the names)


heres the original email she sent:

I hope all is well and that you and L*** are getting responses every day. I’ve been meaning to write you for some time, but I’ve been so busy at work and when I get home I just don’t feel like getting on the computer. I found a beautiful navy blue dress for the wedding and would rather a nice hand-tied bouquet of cream-color roses to carry instead of Cal Lilly. I mentioned this to L***, but I’m not sure he remembered to tell you. I figured it would be best to tell you myself, before you two set your final order.

Then I wrote back to her:

Hi FMIL..I only have one of the favors left..i dont remember you asking me! I know i only took three home and one i gave to my old roomate that couldnt come to the shower. ..i am pretty sure FSIL has more of them. You want me to mail it or just give it to you when you come? I dont want it to lose its smelliness in the mail lol... I know I said I would put away some of the matches that we got. For the flowers, the girls in the bridal party are getting a small bouquet of ivory roses thats why i got the moms white calla lilies, and i am having orange calla lillies and red roses in my bouquet. The groomsmen are getting ivory roses, l*** gets an orange calla and the dads get a white calla. Is there any reason why you dont want a corsage? I just have never seen a mom holding a bouquet. I think the white calla liies would look nice with a navy blue dress and the lady said she would put silver trim on it.

The she wrote:

FSIL and I just cleaned up the trash and decorating materials at the end of your shower. There were several little shopping bags and you told me you were taking them home. We were at FSIL's after the shower and I asked you to please send me two because I didn’t get any, and you said you would. About the flowers I just don’t like corsages. I always felt corsages were for proms and great grandmothers. That’s my personal opinion. I didn’t think this would upset you or be an issue of any kind. I thought it would be a nice finishing touch to my dress. My small red roses and red ribbon and your moms calla lilies and silver ribbon will compliment your bouquet of calla lilies and roses.


AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

WOW -- she is really not going to give up on this is she? Well as much as I want to tell you to tell NO she can't have what she wants -- I think it might be one of the battles that just aren't worth fighting. Get here three or four roses (not ivory since that is what your girls are carrying) and be done with it. She will make your miserable for it for the rest of your life otherwise (well I am assuming from what I read she isn't they type to let things go). Then get your mom a small nosegay of Calla lillies so it is even.

No One will notice either way!

Just to add my experience on this...MIL told me the same thing that she didn't want a corsage, my mom didn't want flowers period...but I think the term for the bo-k is called a nosegay...and it's really only 3 or 4 flowers and it's substantially smaller than the BM's bo-k's...I got MIL and MOB both cream roses...even though I had a second thoughts b/c thought it might be too close to my bo-k of white roses and white orchids...but it wasn't...I've included pics below.





I think it's really small and I think it will fit in w/ your flower scheme w/o taking away from the BM's bo-k's and it will make FMIL happy and you as well b/c you don't need any additional drama

Honestly, I don't really see what the big deal is. They're flowers. My mom and FMIL will be carrying 'tussie mussies'... they are tiny tiny bo-k's... they will be 3 roses and 3 stephenotis. I would just let her carry whatever she wants, at the end of the day, its really not a big deal.

good luck!

Our moms had small bo-ks. Their flowers are supposed to match the dads. Maybe your moms could have roses and mini cala bo-ks.

I know its not what you want to hear, but I wouldn't fight this battle. There will be plenty more battle to be fought She doesnt seem to be letting up on this one so let her win and stand your ground on the next issue.

Besides, there are only a few pic of them w/ their boks and they wont be carrying it the whole time. I tend to agree that the corsages are more 'fuddy duddy'.

I say you tell your FH to tell his mom no!. lol.. Hoenstly you have told her you want it a certain way. now if she is paying for everything and the flowers then ok she has a say, BUT if she is not then really you are paying for it you decide. thats it.

BUT if you dont want to make waves then just do both the MIL and your mom with the bo-k.

I say keep it the same.

JMO

Honestly I feel that she is being rude...you politely told her what you as thebride want and she is just ignoring your wishing and insisting...

The thing is I dont know how you stop from getting her the boquet without causing HUGE drama..I think you need to decide if this issue is worth fighting for ....but it is certaintly rude and uncalled for

I agree that this is rude and uncalled for but I feel that it's a battle not worth fighting. It's your wedding and you want it to be YOUR way....i'm sure we can all relate to that. Unfortunately, your FMIL is a tart and doesn't get that. IMO I would just let it go, let her have her BOK and move on to more important things. Honestly, I know you won't believe this, but nobody is really going to notice the difference. I found that out at my wedding LOL all the little things that were soooo important to me barely got noticed by anyone. So, relax.....enjoy your planning....don't let her get to you.

I completely understand about the mother's not having bo-k's houwever small. I totally agree with you at that also. I know it may not be a battle worth fighting but it gets under your skin..I know it certainly would get under mine. I would probably ask FH to talk to her and if she kept insisting then just do it but let her know that you aren't in agreement with it in a polite way, but you are respecting her opinion by going with it.

Sorry you're going through this.