Okay so, I need some advice here. It is a long ongoing 6 year story, but I will narrow it down to the last thing that future MIL did. I really need advise on how to deal with her.
I would have to say for 6 years now my future MIL is not a big fan of me. She always has something to say about me, whether it’s to my face or right in front of me but directed to FH. She always tries to make me feel stupid, not wanted, and just outright not good enough for her son.
So, last night I and FH come back to his house and she brings up that she would like a “handful” of her friends at our wedding. I have NO PROBLEM with that whatsoever, but I did express to her that she would have to pay $100 per person that she invites. The reason why is because me and FH are paying for this wedding and we made it very small (80 people). Future MIL (like usual) snapped at me and said well that’s not fair to David (FH) because I have more family coming to the wedding than he does. This is true but my mom is giving us $5000 to help for the wedding and FMIL is not giving us $h!t!!! (I didn’t say that out loud). When I told FMIL that it is not my fault that I have more family she just huffed and puffed and walked away. I immediately went to FH and was like “whoa what was that about” and FH did not want to talk about it at all.
I’m assuming why I’m writing this (Also to vent) is because I need advice. FMIL has gotten to the point that I can not stand the comments and minimizing my feelings anymore. And, if I brought that up to her, she would just make it a fight. I just need help because I feel as if I’m loosing my mind and nobody gets it and I cannot talk to FH about it because it is his mother and he doesn’t like it when I talk about her. PLEASE HELP ANYONE, lol.
20mrsc10
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Re: FMIL HELPPP!!!!
have you asked fh to talk to her? where does he stand with all this?
candybride123
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Re: FMIL HELPPP!!!!
What is a handfull? If it's only 3 or 4 people I probably would have taken the high road just to foster the relationship (if you HAVE the $). If not, she would have to understand that you just DON'T have it.
jenn4214ever
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Re: FMIL HELPPP!!!!
By a handful I think it's around like 5-7 people.
And I try to talk to FH about this, and all of the other problems but he tells me that he doesnt wanna hear it because it's his mom and he can't stand all the cattyness.
I'm not going to lie, I'm not that innocent in all of this, but I am not rude to her face like she is to me. She just outright yells at me and FH till she gets her way, almost like a little kid.
And I really wouldnt mind paying for that many people but, she told me that she was going to contribute to the wedding and then took it back. AND she asks FH for money ALL the time, so she is already taking away from our wedding fund, I just need some help, I feel like I'm writing about a child.
dazey
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Re: FMIL HELPPP!!!!
tell her that you simply can't afford to add to the list, so you'd appreciate some help. you have no problem inviting her friends, but can't spend an extra $700 on the wedding, as it's really expensive-more expensive than you thought it was going to be. tell her that you want a fresh start with her for the wedding, as her new daughter in law. instead of fighting and making comments, maybe you can both try to get along and just be honest and talk to each other. mabye if you're honest with her, she won't be able to be so rude because you're putting it all out there. maybe that's what she needs to hear and will be a little nicer.
candybride123
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Re: FMIL HELPPP!!!!
Ugh. Well, she sounds like a real piece of work. I have a sweet MIL but tons of probs with my SIL so I know how it can be...
If she asks your FH for $ then I guess she doesn't have the $ to pay for her guests, right?
On one hand I want to say F her bc she's so nasty to you- but on the other hand I know my own FMIL and even my own mom would be mortified if I didn't let them invite a few friends... Moms wanna show off you know? So it's a tough call.
Some MILs are just mean- but the bright side is that it's better to have a MIL who is a b*tch so you can DISTANCE yourself than having a MIL who is a constant meddler always up in your business... or atleast IMHO!
Caramelatta
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Re: FMIL HELPPP!!!!
ABSOLUTELY not!! you are not acting like a child. I'm so sorry that you are going through this!! Your FMIL should be more understanding of you and not snapping. I really dont knw what to tell you but talk to her. And confront her but in a nice way if you want to keep the relationship at least on the positive side.
jenn4214ever
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Re: FMIL HELPPP!!!!
Yea I get what you are all saying.... like I don't wanna be a b!tch and say that she can't invite people. I think I just have to be the better person and say yes. I'm sure her friends are nice and all but, I just don't want her to think that she can get away with everything all the time.
Like, on my engagement party she told my mom she was going to split the cost 50/50, but my mom ended up paying for the whole thing and she told my mom she can only pay $300. It's stuff like that, she just breezed thru her life with everyone either kissing her @$$ or they are just scared of her - but I'm not and I think that's why we but heads.
jenn4214ever
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Re: FMIL HELPPP!!!!
bump please
FutureMrs.M
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Re: FMIL HELPPP!!!!
I have the same situation and I feel for you but FH needs to step up. My fh for years didnt want to get involved cuz its his mom but it got to the point where her hurtful comments were really affecting me and I basically said to him I cant live like this cuz it isnt going to get better overtime...once kids are in the picture it will most likely get worse. I asked him if he enjoyed seeing me so upset cuz that is all his mom makes me feel. I told him I am the outsider so any criticisms will look like me being a difficult ungreatful biotch since all she is really trying to do is help. I said if it came from him she might see clearer. Yes it is his mom but that does not validate mean and hurtful behavior. you are a person too and if now as his future wife MUST be more important then his mom and he needs to put your feelings before hers. If you are truely hurt by her behavior he needs to say something otherwise your life together will constantly be rattled due to her
