FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

I am at my wits end with my FMIL and I am probably making a mountain out of a mole hill, I have my 'friend' this week. Okay here goes-
Since I have been planning this without my mom or dad, they have both passed on, she has deceided that she will not due the Mother son dance becuase I will feel horrible. I thought that was sweet, BUT never want it thrown back in my face that she did not dance with her son at our wedding.
Then I wanted to honor my mom and dad at everyhting she hears is no it is too morbid, or if you do that then I will have to explain why his Dad is not here. (bad divorce many years ago). The thing is I cannot even talk to mom and dad at least his Dad is still on this earth!!!
Lastly, and this takes the cake....She told me why not have his brother and his girlfriend look for the tuxes for the wedding becuase they like to do those sort of things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was MORTIFIED! I hardly ever scream, and I was screaming at my poor FH last night and paid for it today with a bad sore thraot.
Am I being unreasonable here? Thanks for all that opened and read this, I needed to vent.

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

Awe, I think she's just trying to help. I am by no means defending her, but it seems to me, she's offering some help. As for the tux situation, YEAH, UM, I don't think so. That's something that should be done only by the bride and groom.

Try to relax, you are going through a very stressful and emotional time in your life.

OH and as for honoring your parents, I think it is a WONDERFUL idea and you have every right to honor them. A friend of mine who's FH's parents have both passed is getting married in July and is using some great things to honor his parents. If you want any ideas, let me know and I will 'borrow' them from her

Cheer up sweetie, PMS weeks always bring out the worse in us

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

You are not being unreasonable, and I would insist on doing the things that are important to you (like honoring your parents)

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

Please let me know what she is doing to honor her parents.
So far I am walking down the aisle with a tiny pic of them in my bouquet, so only I know it is there, I am putting the bible my mom used on her wedding day as well as my grandmother used in my bouquet, we are going to try to do something with photos in the video , and I am taking my throw away bouquet to the cemetary before the wedding.
Thanks for listening.

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

I think that its very reasonable and thoughtful for you to honor your parents at your wedding...
If you are having a mass they usual have a part durring it where you can specifically say who you are praying for(your parents who could not be here today)... also in the programs you could put something about them

With the tuxes I think she might just be trying to be helpful since alot of planning goes into the wedding..

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

Being in the same situation as you, I also lost both of my parents....I think you should go ahead and do whatever you feel to remember them. I did a memory candle and had a picture of them with a beautiful poem on a table. I felt so happy all day knowing that they were there with me. I just had to look over and see them on the table. If you know what I mean.
I strongly feel you should do what you feel in your heart. Don't let anyone change that.
I am sorry that your FMIL is being such a pain in the butt. Good luck.

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, it looks like you have some nice ideas.

It is his parents actually.... They are lighting a memory candle TOGETHER before the ceremony begins, after the procession, it will be on the altar. The candle has a picture of the two of them on it, she got it at Tri-county.

They are also having a picture of his parents in a frame at the reception.

They were mentioned in the invite as well, as 'son of the beloved XXXX and XXXX'

The DJ company they are using is also showing a photo montage, baby pics and pics of growing up for her FH (He's lost them when he was about 10 years old) I can't think of any more... if I come across another idea I will let you know.

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. You do what you want and need to do to honor your parents. This is hard enough for you not having them there and she needs to be understanding of that. As far as the tuxes, I agree that she is probably just trying to help, but for you it probably was the last straw. My FMIL makes suggestions all the time and I just thank her for the suggestion and tell her that we already had other plans. Just let her know that you and FH were planning on picking out the tuxes. Just because she makes a suggestion, don't feel you have to take it. If I took all of my FMIL's suggestions, I don't even want to think about what my wedding would be like! If she really wants to help, maybe you can give her something else to do. Anyway,

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

I think honoring your parents is a beautiful thing to do Do whatever makes you happy and makes you feel like your parents are with you

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

You are the bride, this is your day, not FMIL's. Do what makes you happiest. I think it would be beautiful for you to do something for your parents. If she thinks it is too morbid she can leave the room.

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

I think you know that she is completely in the wrong here and being so thoughtless so I'll just write in to give you

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Princess,
I am so sorry your relationship with your FMIL isn't getting off on a better footing, but there probably are a combination of things going on. My single bit of advice, worked for me w/ my MIL and we lived next door to eachother for 25 years, is to answer by, 'Thanks. We'll see how that works for us.' and immediately change the subject. If she's a stubborn woman and wants things her way, no matter what you say you won't be able to change her opinions. Best to be respectful, act interested in her suggestions, and THEN, do your own thing! I can sense you don't want to be on the outs with her, and some women can get VERY difficult.

I would also advise you to tell her as little as possible about details that you find really important. If she's the type to voice an opinion of everyting you want, I am sure you will learn to share only the little nothing things so she feels included, but do what you want on the big issues. Let her be surprised along with everyone else. 'Morbid' or not, your parents were your parents and you need to do what makes you feel close to them on your day.

I wish you all the best, and you were very wise to vent here, where no one gets hurt.

As for the tuxes, I wouldn't see anything wrong with your fiance and his brother doing that sort of thing together. Girlfriend? No way! You can take her to buy ribbons for the railings if she wants to be included.

Good Luck.
Mary

Re: FMIL IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

I feel for you and totally understand!! Except the problem is with my father!!!

My mother passed away 7 years ago..and my father has since remarried. She is a lovely person and has help with the wedding plans, but she is not my mother and I am too old for a step-mother (they got married about 3-4 years ago).

My father just keeps asking for totally inappropriate things. He wanted her children (they are all older then I am) at the RD - like we are the Brady Bunch. I dont want my FIL to get stuck talking to one of them when they should be getting to know my immediate family who my FI actually spends time with. Plus that would be another 10 people..

Also he wanted me to add his wife's husbands name to the back of my program along with my mother and FI's father. I said no way!! We are only putting down two people and not turning it into a laundry list....

My father also wants me to add her name into the program, but I have no idea how to incorporate her.. She is not the 'mother of the Bride', the phrase will be struck from the wedding that day. And I dont like step-mother, I've only known the lady 4 years....dont know what other title for her..

So I totally understand....