FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
Jan60504
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FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
Ok, so, we decided from day one that we weren't going to have children at our wedding because, mainly, there are so many kids in the family that we just can't afford it. So, FI went over to his mom's last night and he comes home saying that she wants the kids there and she's all ticked off about this and that it is now MY responsibility - not even FI's and Mine - just MY responsibility to figure out what to do with all of these kids!!! In my family it is the parent's responsibility to find a sitter or something for the day - they wouldn't dream of asking me to do it. But, FI's family is VERY DIFFERENT!!! I don't know what to do with 32 children - I can't afford to pay for even a sitter for them! Plus, then wouldn't it only be fair for me to have to plan something for my family's kids too? I can't do that and I'm quite frankly really peeved that she's putting this on my shoulders! She has been nothing but difficult with everything! Help - Am I wrong??? FI is trying to make his mom happy by 'compromising' as he calls it - which means she doesn't get her way about having the kids at the wedding but I find something else to do about them. I say let her find something for the kids to do! Am I being a total witch? I'm so frustrated! P.S. - I can't talk to her or anyone else in his family - they don't speak english! Thanks girls - sorry it's so long.
kelly6273
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
Children DO NOT BELONG at weddings. Stress the issue of there being alcohol and you not wanting anyone to get hurt. Most parents don't want their kids there anyway. Tell you FMIL that all the kids will be staying at her house...LOL.
Misty
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
Oh what an ASS.
Tell her point blank that it is absolutely NOT your responsibility to see to it that half the population of P.S. Not At My Wedding is taken care of!! If she's so worried about it, tell her to take care of it!! They don't belong there, and their parents are the ones that have to deal with it, not you!
Ugh!
Cindy
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
I think it is the couples choice to have children at weddings or not to. We had my nephew as a ring bearer at my wedding and he came and left after the cocktail hour. He is very special to me too, but he didnt stay. My personal opinion is the children do not belong at such formal affairs. I think it is up to the individual parents to figure out what to do with the children. THis is totally unfair to put this on you. With everything else, you are supposed to make arrangements for 32 children? My gosh, how unfair. I also dont think it is unfair to say that you got your way by not having them there so now you have the responsibility of figuring out what to do with them. It is your choice and you are entitled to that. Why not sit down with your FI and tell him how you feel? So sorry you are going through this. My MIL was very difficult during the planning too so I understand. Hang in there...
butterfly20
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
whos paying money towards the wedding?
you definately should not pay!!
tell her your not resposible for the kids since you didnt invite them, and that the wedding is already expensive enough without inviting them. Tell her she is more than welcome to pay for the cost of all the kids(as many parents who bring their kids dont cover their kids cost).... maybe you could tell her 'its a nice night for the parents to spend away from the kids, did you always want your kids at your side 24 hours?'
NovemberSue
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
I also don't think that children should be at a wedding unless they are closely related to you. We didn't have any children at ours except for my nephews and DH's cousins.
LizD
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
I have never heard such a thing. If the kids are not invited to the wedding, it is the PARENTS who should be making arrangements for their kids that day not you. God forbid you hired a sitter and something happened, would that too be your responsability/ problem? I would not compromise on this one at all.
ssdare
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
I feel for you. My FH and I just got in a heated argument over kids at the wedding yesterday. His side of the family will be coming from out of state and he has some friends who have little children. I wanted him to discuss with his mother that we didn't want kids at the wedding so that she could pass it along to his family and he did not want to do that because he felt uncomfortable since at all his cousins' weddings kids were invited. Then tells me I will have to be responsible for finding babysitting for the out of town guest with children and I should be more accomodating to his traveling family/guests. I'm thinking why should I have to pay for babysitting!? Why can't I just give a referral to a dependable babysitting service?
alina
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
Since its your wedding and you're paying for it, you get to choose if there are kids there. Now, provided you're on a budget, and FMIL can't speak english, have your FH deal with her by telling her firmly that you cannot afford to have children there, and if she insists on having children, it will be her responsibility to provide for their babysitter and pay for their meals.
And stay strong and firm by that statement.
Scoop
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
I can't believe she has the nerve to tell you to figure out what to do with 32 kids from her side.
Parents are responsible for finding their own sitters. I would tell her straight out.
Stinker
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
As stated before Children DO NOT Belong at a wedding. My cousin got married in Dec one of the children decided to dance in the asile during the whole ceremony and then screamed bloody murder when taken out of the hall(they got married in the hall). Tell FMIL you have plenty of time for screaming children at:christening/Bris's/communion/Batmitzvah's/Birthday parties ect ...
On a helpful note do you have a 18-19 year old and another friend of the family that can watch the kids at FMIL or your mother's house during the wedding? Save you a headache
bride2be2004
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
don't let her bully you!! it is your day and if you family is ok with the no kids rule thentoo *amn bad for her! i hate overbaring mil. a wedding is really the brides day the mil need to understand that. are they helping you and fi with the wedding cost? if so you may have to turn down their help in order to have the day you envision. let her pay for babysitting and activites if she wants them. don't let this woman steal your joy, you only have one day enjoy it!
mmm
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
If it was me, I would push it off on my FI. It is not your resoponsibilty!! If he wants to find a comprimise - let HIM find it!!
sanmik
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
I don't understand how your FMIL can't see that 32 children at a wedding is 3 more tables, 3 more centerpieces, 3 more tables of kids to feed, etc. Add it up and show her what the base cost of having kids at the wedding is. I have a very large family, and my parents, aunts and uncles were always invited to weddings - - none of us kids went. They had a baby sitter watch their kids. I'm having kids at my wedding - - but it is an expense (I even bought them their own favors). It costs money, but it's a personal decision and your FMIL should know better. I would completely ignor the issue and when she brings it up shoot out the costs and simply say, we can't afford it.
IrishTracy
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
It's your wedding!! Do what you want. And make sure your FI talks to his mother! Something has got to be worked out!! Good Luck!
cuteypie
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
I've gotta go with Irish! So sorry you have to deal with this
swags1016
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
I agree with you-- unfortunately in my case I was out voted. Don't ask. But you need to stand firm when you don't, like me then you lose. This is your wedding! Remind them of that. The only kids we are having is my FH's nieces and nephews (10 of them) and my two first cousins. That is it! Any other kids have now been cut off!
shigrl517
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
It's your wedding, therefore your decision! Your FI is also wrong for not standing up to his mother. It is not YOUR place to find a sitter for these kids, it is the PARENTS' responsibility.You need to speak your mind with FI and make him realize he needs to open his mouth to his mother whether she likes it or not!! Just remember- IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!! You did not give birth to all of those kids, therefore the only way you are in this scenerio is to say NO KIDS!
Jen2704
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
I think everyone said it perfectly...this is not your responsibility and your fh should tell your mother in law to be your mutual decision!!
ChristineC68
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Re: FMIL is Giving Me Grief Over Children at the Wedding!
You both decided not to have kids at the wedding, your guests with children will figure it out. I am sure this will not be the first night they have gone out since they had children, nor will it be the last. They are familiar with childcare
Go back to your FH & FMIL and tell them this is not your responsibility!
I cannot believe your FH as compromise agreed to have you arrange for babysitting for 32 kids. That's as outrageaous to me his mother laying this reposibility on you.
