FMIL issue???? Long... but i really need advice!

Original post by Princessmaris

Feb 04, 2005 08:08 PM

OKAY....

My e-party (which is being thrown by FH's parents) is in April...so we have been doing alot of talking about it... The other day my FMIL had said to me 'Im going to invite your parents back to my house so we can watch you open your gifts ( we didnt register so most of the gifts will prob be cash) because I dont know how your mother feels but I wanna know who gave you what, because I am always very generous blah blah blah...' I didnt think anything of it... and told my mother the story..

Well my mom come from a VERY italian family... and her grandmother was just like FMIL at her wedding and she swore to herself she'd never be like that..its not about the money... our gifts are personal... and we shouldnt be forced to share that info with anyone! Basically... she wants no part of being nosey and wondering who gave what..and only wants to be there for the pure joy of opeing gifts...

Now of course my wheels start turning... Im not happy with the fact I was told I had no choice that this was how things had to be done...and hey you know what it is personal..if billy joe was cheap... i dont have to tell anyone!!!! (I didnt care at first but I just hate being told I HAVE to do something)

Tonight I tell FMIL how I told my mother and she said she'd come but she dosent want it to be like this, and that she felt it was something private blah blah blah, and basically that I agreed with her... and I dont want it to be like this... (I mean she literally wants me to make a list of exactly how much casj or kinda gift I got from each person..and then give her a copy) She turns to me and says 'FINE IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE THEN ILL JUST HAVE RYAN (MY fh) DO IT FOR ME AFTER YOU AND YOUR FAMILY LEAVES...!!!

AHHHHHHHHH!!! WHAT DO I DO???

marc_rai Posted: Feb 05, 2005 11:58 AM

Re: FMIL issue???? Long... but i really need advice!

Posted by pschica

could it be possible that your fmil didn't mean to be nosey but just wanted to celebrate in your joy? i know both my mom and my mil loved to share with us in dong things for our wedding until tragically my mil passed away. it could be a misunderstanding where she was more curious and wanted ot see than to actually judge the value....or maybe i am way off!

either way!!!

This is a weird situation because you told your FMIL at the beginning that you were okay with it. I mean it's okay to change your mind, but it seems as if you only changed it because of what your mother said. I think it would have been different if you had told your FMIL that your felt it was personal etc from the very beginning. I kind of thought that FMIL wanted to open the gifts to share in the anticipation and to KNOW what people gave ya'll. And I actually think this is okay if she is helping to pay for the wedding. However, I agree with what was said earlier about just giving her a detailed list of what HER family and friends gave. I also agree that its better if your FH back you up on this decision. Its easier for him to deal with his mom then it is for you.