FMIL rant...need advice

mathteach Posted: Mar 17, 2008 06:13 PM

FMIL rant...need advice

So she is normally very sweet except when it comes to this wedding. For the record, I pushed for a destination wedding as it's not my first and almost all of the family is OOT. But FH wanted to have a big-to-do, so here were are.

I am inviting very few friends, less in fact, than FMIL is, because I can't afford to have more than 125. Whatever. Then last night, I'm going over the shower guest list with my MOH who lets it slip that FMIL DEMANDED that since it is her son's wedding, he should have his friends at the shower. My MOH reminded her that I am throwing him a grad party less than a week after my shower, it's a lot to ask of people, yadda yadda. She was reminded that it is my second and his first so he should have a shower not me. Seriously.

So I asked him (nicely) if he wanted to do a Jack-n-Jill shower. Of course he does NOT. Plus I feel it puts a monetary strain on my girls that I don't want them to have. How can we break the news to her without getting my MOH in hot water?

mao0426 Posted: Mar 17, 2008 06:23 PM

Re: FMIL rant...need advice

Have FH bring up the fact that he heard someone talking (not MOH, some random person) about a Jack and Jill shower, and have him say how bad of an idea he thinks it is

Annoulak Posted: Mar 17, 2008 06:30 PM

Re: FMIL rant...need advice

Is FMIL paying for the shower? If not, then she's not technically 'in charge' of the guest list...she can offer suggestions, but can't really make demands.

JeanetteandSteve Posted: Mar 17, 2008 06:32 PM

Re: FMIL rant...need advice

why don't you say something casually next time you see her...like start talking wedding talk, and then say 'wouldn't it have been a cute idea to have a jack n jill type thing for the shower? i tried to get FH to do it but he said no. oh well'...

or is that bad b/c then she'll think you want it and push him for it? i don't know, you're in a tough spot. sorry!!

heathermatt Posted: Mar 17, 2008 06:33 PM

Re: FMIL rant...need advice

I would let FMIL explain to Fh what see wants...Hopefully she will not have the guts and back down to any outrageous ideas that she has.

mathteach Posted: Mar 17, 2008 06:49 PM

Re: FMIL rant...need advice

I told MOH to tell FMIL that we were talking about my other BM's shower which is jack n jill (actually, it's not, they're Dominican, it's
customary) and how stupid he thought it was and that he said he would never go. He said he would back us up if it ever came up.

And no, she's not paying for anything.

Mici n KC Posted: Mar 17, 2008 06:49 PM

Re: FMIL rant...need advice

Since she is not paying for it, she really has no say in the guest list. I would have FH talk to his mom and say I understand what you're saying, but this really isn't what I want to do and thank you for the idea.

FutureMrsCarrieri Posted: Mar 17, 2008 07:29 PM

Re: FMIL rant...need advice

Posted by mathteach

I told MOH to tell FMIL that we were talking about my other BM's shower which is jack n jill (actually, it's not, they're Dominican, it's
customary) and how stupid he thought it was and that he said he would never go. He said he would back us up if it ever came up.

And no, she's not paying for anything.

So what if it's your second wedding? So that means you have no rights or say? And she's not paying? That would piss me off to no end.
I say go with what you want.

bluekat16 Posted: Mar 18, 2008 09:16 AM

Re: FMIL rant...need advice

My advice is that who ever is paying is the person in charge..it doesn't matter if this is your second wedding. I think that was a very mean and passive-aggresive statement to make. That being said....your MOH is carrying out your wishes and FH is going to back you up....so her opinion is out.

zoe282 Posted: Mar 18, 2008 09:30 AM

Re: FMIL rant...need advice

Why is everyone so afraid of their FMIL! ( I am too so i include myself in this) I feel like we are forced to walk on eggshells! If FH doesn't want a shower then he should tell his mom...I would have him call him mom and say the MOH threw out the idea to him and that he nipped it in the bud right away. He's not interested in a shower. Which is perfectly normal by the way..my FH would hate a shower! And i totally agree if she's not paying then she should have no say....

Celest Posted: Mar 18, 2008 11:01 AM

Re: FMIL rant...need advice

Posted by zoe282

Why is everyone so afraid of their FMIL! ( I am too so i include myself in this) I feel like we are forced to walk on eggshells! If FH doesn't want a shower then he should tell his mom...I would have him call him mom and say the MOH threw out the idea to him and that he nipped it in the bud right away. He's not interested in a shower. Which is perfectly normal by the way..my FH would hate a shower! And i totally agree if she's not paying then she should have no say....

HAHA. Not me. I love my FMIL she is adorable. and she is hyper & can get carried away, but we are kind of alike (scary actually), so she knows I am no pushover & will veto stuff I do not like.

When we were going flowergirl shopping, she kept trying to show me big foofy looking mini wedding dresses for the FG, I was like noooooo.

No one exactly has the same ideas as you. But if you don't like something. Say sorry, I don't agree. If they make a stink, suggest they pay for it if they want it sooo much. Because you are being practical & know what is in your budget, & isn't she lucky to be getting such a thoughtful & practical FDIL.. Let her work her way around that statement haha.
JK though