FMIL revenge is so sweet...

So my suspicions were right after all. Somehow, FH & I got on the topic of RSVPs yesterday and he mentioned that his mom wanted to mail the invites to her guest list and track their RSVPs herself because I quote, 'she wants to make sure everyone who she wants there actually gets an invitation.' Well, that confirmed another thought: one of FMIL's people that was invited to my shower never got her invite, I guess it got lost in the mail. So when FFIL called me to ask if one of FMIL's friends was mailed an invitation, I assured him that she was but if she didn't get it, it must have gotten lost and we'd send another. But I KNEW he was the one calling because FMIL's warped mind thought that I purposely did not invite her 'friend' (who I later found out she doesn't speak to. That's a different story though.)

When FH told me the RSVP thing, my first response was to get upset and cry. This woman is making my life difficult when I was trying to make hers as easy as possible. By her own admission, she has said several times how disorganized she is and how organized I am. I don't trust her to get her invitations out on time, nor do I trust her to accurately track her RSVPs. So I went for a walk and called my dad; FH didn't understand what the big deal was. My dad made an excellent point though: by letting FMIL track her own invites, she's saving me the aggrivation and heartache and million phone calls a week asking if this one or that one RSVP'd (though I was planning to send them updates every few days). Or, if someone didn't get an invite, she'd think I did it purposely but by letting her do it all herself, I can't be blamed for anything. And, when she mails her invite out late - and I know she will - and guests receive them two weeks before they are supposed to respond, she'll look like an @ss. To top that off, we've got a few people that the kids (my age) are our friends and their parents are Melody's friends, so they'll both receive invites but the kids will have my name on the RSVP and the parents will have Melody's. I'm sure they'll think that's stupid and one of our friends already said to me how aware he is that FMIL is nuts.

I had been asking for a final guest list from them (I had created/organized an excel sheet to track everything) and today I get an email from FFIL assuring me I'd have it tomorrow. Thus forcing me to believe that FMIL never mentioned that she wanted to receive the RSVPs herself (they don't communicate about a lot of things and when it comes to the wedding, it got me caught in the middle a few times.) So, I sent FFIL a nice email explaining what FMIL had told FH about tracking her RSVPs and I'm sure that will make FFIL annoyed/angry. And that ladies, is worth all of the tears in the world. My father always told me there are ways to get back at people without directly being mean and now this is mine. Is it bad that this makes me feel better?

I wish I could see the look on FFIL's face when he sees my email....

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Posted by sarahradio5

I'm sorry.. but are you the bride whose FMIL wants to invite your FH's ex? If so... be careful. She'll probably send an invite to the ex!

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No, that would be me. But, I completely would have done the same thing except my FMIL can't keep a husband for more than 2 or 3 years. GOOD JOB!!!!!

Maybe I'm confused....

Is she sending invites to her guests separately than the invites you are sending out? Or is she mailing out all the invites?

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Posted by mrsbyrd06

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Posted by sarahradio5

I'm sorry.. but are you the bride whose FMIL wants to invite your FH's ex? If so... be careful. She'll probably send an invite to the ex!

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No, that would be me. But, I completely would have done the same thing except my FMIL can't keep a husband for more than 2 or 3 years. GOOD JOB!!!!!

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Oh sorry... you guys should form a support group together! And introduce your FMIL's! lol.

I wish you both luck... I can't imagine having to deal with such petty crap.

No, I'm not the bride whose FMIL wants to invite FH's ex (though I do feel for that girl!) I'm the one whose shower was almost cancelled and has complained to you girls about just about everything my idiot of a FMIL has done.

So the plan is to let her track her RSVPs (I'm telling you, her husband is going to be SO angry when he hears that she wants to do that) and I will track my friends and family, FH's friends, and my dad's friends.

Now all that's left is actually getting her ok on the invites I picked (remember, this is a 50/50 split...big mistake.) And my dad is all prepped for that. If she starts to complain about the invites then he's going to say something like, 'Oh I'm sorry FMIL, I forgot. YOU'RE the bride. The invites should definately be what you want.' I swear, FMIL is acting like such a bridezilla. I truly believe she thinks this wedding is all about her.

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Posted by robynlevy

No, I'm not the bride whose FMIL wants to invite FH's ex (though I do feel for that girl!) I'm the one whose shower was almost cancelled and has complained to you girls about just about everything my idiot of a FMIL has done.

So the plan is to let her track her RSVPs (I'm telling you, her husband is going to be SO angry when he hears that she wants to do that) and I will track my friends and family, FH's friends, and my dad's friends.

Now all that's left is actually getting her ok on the invites I picked (remember, this is a 50/50 split...big mistake.) And my dad is all prepped for that. If she starts to complain about the invites then he's going to say something like, 'Oh I'm sorry FMIL, I forgot. YOU'RE the bride. The invites should definately be what you want.' I swear, FMIL is acting like such a bridezilla. I truly believe she thinks this wedding is all about her.

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We should form a support group!!!!

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Posted by mrsbyrd06

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Posted by robynlevy

No, I'm not the bride whose FMIL wants to invite FH's ex (though I do feel for that girl!) I'm the one whose shower was almost cancelled and has complained to you girls about just about everything my idiot of a FMIL has done.

So the plan is to let her track her RSVPs (I'm telling you, her husband is going to be SO angry when he hears that she wants to do that) and I will track my friends and family, FH's friends, and my dad's friends.

Now all that's left is actually getting her ok on the invites I picked (remember, this is a 50/50 split...big mistake.) And my dad is all prepped for that. If she starts to complain about the invites then he's going to say something like, 'Oh I'm sorry FMIL, I forgot. YOU'RE the bride. The invites should definately be what you want.' I swear, FMIL is acting like such a bridezilla. I truly believe she thinks this wedding is all about her.

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We should form a support group!!!!

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lol second that!!!

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Posted by robynlevy

No, I'm not the bride whose FMIL wants to invite FH's ex (though I do feel for that girl!) I'm the one whose shower was almost cancelled and has complained to you girls about just about everything my idiot of a FMIL has done.

So the plan is to let her track her RSVPs (I'm telling you, her husband is going to be SO angry when he hears that she wants to do that) and I will track my friends and family, FH's friends, and my dad's friends.

Now all that's left is actually getting her ok on the invites I picked (remember, this is a 50/50 split...big mistake.) And my dad is all prepped for that. If she starts to complain about the invites then he's going to say something like, 'Oh I'm sorry FMIL, I forgot. YOU'RE the bride. The invites should definately be what you want.' I swear, FMIL is acting like such a bridezilla. I truly believe she thinks this wedding is all about her.

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She's a mother-of-the-groom-zilla!! Why do you need her okay? I think, somehow, you have to 'just say no' to giving her SOOO much input. If she's contributing towards the wedding, all she should need to know is the prices, if that. Other than that, it should be ALL YOU.

My one concern is what if she messes it up and gives you the wrong head count? Then you end up over or under paying the hall and you'll have more hassle? Imagine empty tables or worse, not enough tables because she miscounted.

I completely symapthise with your situation - all too well in fact - she sounds like a horrid woman. But be careful with giving her responsibility for her own actions, because she may not take it. That is more likely to backfire on you.

Good For You!!! If my FMIL treated me like that, I would be happy about that as well!

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Posted by PrincessRose

My one concern is what if she messes it up and gives you the wrong head count? Then you end up over or under paying the hall and you'll have more hassle? Imagine empty tables or worse, not enough tables because she miscounted.

I completely symapthise with your situation - all too well in fact - she sounds like a horrid woman. But be careful with giving her responsibility for her own actions, because she may not take it. That is more likely to backfire on you.

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I was just going to say the same thing! Be careful because my mother in law invited 10 people who she added last min. and swore she would handle their invites, RSVPs etc.....She sent the invites out late & people called my DH complaining that they may have to rearrange plans because 'we' sent it out late...then there were 6 people who she said were coming. In her head she meant, 'oh of course they're coming' NOT, 'Yes I spoke with them and they confirmed or I have an RSVP card and checked yes' I had 4 people we paid for who never came b/c of all this trouble. Firtunatly Fox Hollow gave us some upgrades that day to make up for it

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Posted by sarahradio5

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Posted by mrsbyrd06

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Posted by sarahradio5

I'm sorry.. but are you the bride whose FMIL wants to invite your FH's ex? If so... be careful. She'll probably send an invite to the ex!

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No, that would be me. But, I completely would have done the same thing except my FMIL can't keep a husband for more than 2 or 3 years. GOOD JOB!!!!!

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Oh sorry... you guys should form a support group together! And introduce your FMIL's! lol.

I wish you both luck... I can't imagine having to deal with such petty crap.

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Either way, if your FMIL does send her own invites she can still end up sending people invites w/o your knowledge... I am pretty sure mine would... Either way, one thing to think about when you said something like then your FMIL will have to be the one bugging everyone in the event of non returned RSVP's... just remember, then you will have to bug her to start bugging her guests... might lead to disorganization... ??? anyway, best of luck with this one!!!

Oh, I am confident she will screw it up. But if people pay close attention, they will see that my tables & my dad's are filled vs. hers which may have empty seats. I won't intentially make her look like an @ss, but I'll be very happy if she does it to herself.

Same goes for the wedding dress i've complained about that she's looking at for herself. At first I was upset, and though I won't be happy if she buys a white wedding dress one wise bride gave me very good advice: don't push for the dress but if she buys it, don't complain. The wedding will come and she'll be the talk of the event.

I am way too happy about all this....my father and I just rehearsed my answer if/when FFIL says, 'oh FMIL is being silly. you know its best for you to take care of it.'

mother of the groomzilla...I like that!

Some of these posts make me so glad my FH and I decided to pay for the wedding ourselves...that way we're in total control!

What we told our parents was they can give us whatever amount of money they want to give us - as a gift - not earmarked toward anything in particular. As much has FMIL tried to say - we'll pay for this or that...we stood our ground and said, no, we'll take care of it...but thank you.

This way, they only have as much say as we let them have. It was more important to us that we have the wedding we want than to get a lot of money.

FMIL still tries, but I think I'm waring her down...she doesn't say anything to me about issues she's got, and FH is getting better and better at standing up to her about things we feel are important and things she's being rediculous about. She's gotten much better - thankfully. I think she also sees that I'm super organized, party planning is my thing, and I have decent taste...and most of all, I know what I like/want!

Good luck! I hope you all stay strong...the sick thing is that once the wedding is over, they all seem to get over it. Why make the fuss in the first place??

the most ironic part is that part of my job involves planning events....and FMIL & FFIL know this so its ironic that they (as disorganized people) want to handle this. Whatever.

I just got an email from FFIL -- he was caught so off guard with this...FMIL obviously didn't tell him what she wanted to do and he's sensible enough to know that what she wants is stupid. Oh well. More work for him.

hahahaha. i'm evil.