FMIL spinoff (interfaith brides)

How do we break it to my Jewish in-laws, with whom the relationship is already shaky that we're getting married in a church?



FH already told his aunt, and she was kind of upset but it wasn't a dealbreaker for her, so she may have mentioned it to FH's mom, I don't know. I'm afraid we'll get killed over it

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Posted by Alilp

Can you get married at your reception hall?

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For various reasons, we decided against this. We looked long and hard for an alternate site, but none of them were for us

I don't know if there is any easy way to tell them - you just have to say it. Though I think that FH should be the one to speak to his mother.

If the two of you have come to the decision together and both feel that it's the best option for your ceremony, all he can do is tell her that is was a decision that you made as a couple and let her react.

We weren't in this situation, so I don't have the
best advice to offer
Good luck

We were in a similar situation. FH is Catholic and I am Jewish. We are being married at our reception venue by a Rabbi who performs interfaith ceremonies. I was open to having a Priest co-officiate, but FH loved the Rabbi and was confident that she would include everyone's traditions in the ceremony. My FMIL was certainly not thrilled, but we spoke to her with a united front and made her aware that any traditions that were important to her will be incorporated in the ceremony (we are having a untiy candle, selected readings, etc.).

That being said, I do not think either of our families would have been comfortable having the ceremony in a Church or Synagogue. You may want to speak to your Priest and see if they can incorporate Jewish traditions in a ceremony that takes place at a Church. Good luck!

I agree with Mel, I don't think there is anyway to tell her this easily.
My parents told me they were fine with me marrying someone who isn't Jewish, their only request is that we didn't get married in a church. I know if I had told them we were going to do this, they would be heartbroken, and the same for FH's parents if we were going to get married in a synagouge.
Neither FH or myself are very religious, but I know both of us would have felt extremely uncomfortable getting married in the 'opposite' house of worship.
For these reasons, we are getting married at the hall and our ceremony will be spiritual, but not religious. We will incorporate one or two traditions from both of our religions.
Is your FH going to convert? How does he feel about it?
Honestly, I think that you should consider getting married in somewhere that is religion-neutral. What are your reasons for not wanting to get married at the hall or somewhere else?
If you are already on shaky ground with the FMIL, this is going to push it over the edge. She will be horribly offended by this, and may even not come to the ceremony.... I would really rethink it if I were you.

The families should have been broken in just by your dating! If they freak out now, I say they have issues.

I am Catholic (if there were reformed Catholic, I'd be), FI is Jewish (reformed). We will be married by an Episcopal Chaplin at our venue and the ceremony will be more spiritual than religious and we will incorporate one or two traditions from each. Our marriage will be recognized by the state and that is all that we need.

We have some trickle in relatives that are a little taken back when we tell them that we are having a non denominational ceremony (tough noogies, don't come)... and about the kids... oh... the kids!!!! I just tell them that I appreciate and respect their concern but FI and I have thought and discussed long on the matter and it is our decision and that shall be that! But thanks for shopping!

Have you ever heard of this place called Vegas?! They'll marry anyone, any time, any where!!!

Good luck with it!

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Posted by marymoon

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Posted by Alilp

Can you get married at your reception hall?

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For various reasons, we decided against this. We looked long and hard for an alternate site, but none of them were for us

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I see your hall is North Ritz....did you not like the chapel there? My FH loved North Ritz and wanted to book it on the spot but he is Jewish, I am Catholic and he did not want to get married in my church which I am fine with - but I seriously wanted to cry when the woman at North Ritz showed me the wedding chapel....in the basement with the lowest ceilings I've ever seen and no windows - I felt like I was suffocating! It was that room alone that we didn't go with the North Ritz. Their outside area to wed is pretty but my priest is marrying us with a dispensation from the bishop & the rule is your ceremony has to be indoors...silly I know! But if North Ritz is reading this....do something about that wedding chapel!

There is a very similar thread to this on the BHB board.....it's called 'breaking it to parents' or something like that. Read it - lots of similar stories in there...mine included! Dad won't give me away b/c I'm not getting married in church!

Best of Luck to you!

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Posted by KandE917
There is a very similar thread to this on the BHB board.....it's called 'breaking it to parents' or something like that. Read it - lots of similar stories in there...mine included! Dad won't give me away b/c I'm not getting married in church!

Best of Luck to you!

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SORRY - just realized you were the original poster on the breaking it to your parents thread!!!

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Posted by KandE917

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Posted by KandE917
There is a very similar thread to this on the BHB board.....it's called 'breaking it to parents' or something like that. Read it - lots of similar stories in there...mine included! Dad won't give me away b/c I'm not getting married in church!

Best of Luck to you!

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SORRY - just realized you were the original poster on the breaking it to your parents thread!!!

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NP>..thanks for the insights. I agree 100% on the NRC chapel. It's HORRIBLE. It feels like a funeral home..only more depressing. When he booked it was a long time ago and we felt we had a long time to fin a better site, but nothing suited our needs and tastes...

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Posted by KandE917

SORRY - just realized you were the original poster on the breaking it to your parents thread!!!

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NP>..thanks for the insights. I agree 100% on the NRC chapel. It's HORRIBLE. It feels like a funeral home..only more depressing. When he booked it was a long time ago and we felt we had a long time to fin a better site, but nothing suited our needs and tastes...

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I hear you! I didn't want mine at my hall at all....until I walked into the room...it is stunning. I almost cried i was so happy to have finally found a beautiful room - we looked at 10 places before this and nothing did it for me. My priest recommended to me the Interfaith Chapel at CW Post. He was raving about how lovely it is...it's fine but my parish is St. Agnes Cathedral so I'm used to big and grand. So the small chapel at CW Post sort of did nothing for me.
Good Luck - I hope everything works out with your future in-laws!!!

here is a pic of my ceremony room.....I love it! You can't tell how nice it is from this picture...it's really big...long, long aisle which is what I wanted - very high ceilings with a wall of gorgeous windows! Octagon shaped room - I am really happy with it. The ceremony site was more important to me than the reception room - some people get carried away with the party aspect of the day but to me the most important part is the ceremony!

I'm half Jewish and not religious and FH is fairly religious but not church going. He wanted the Church wedding so I found one that I was comfortable with and the Rev is really open-minded. I was going to ask for a Chuppa (however you spell it) if we had the $$ but we are simply going to have FH break the glass as nod to my side. We are looking forward to that!! I'm keeping the shards and having them encased in lucite.

Try to incorporate both traditions. Def just thell them straight out- maybe have you FH talk to them alone- depends on you FIL's....good luck- interfaith and intercultural can be difficult but as long as you are both commited to each other first and foremost you'll be fine. Good luck!!!