FMIL vent

I'm so annoyed at FH's family. They don't respect our wishes and stressing me out.
We sent out invites and told our families that since we are paying for the wedding that we cannot invite too many of their friends. I'm not working so we are on a tight budget.

The FMIL insisted that she have at least 2 tables and that she's upset that she can't invite all her friends. She called the FH telling him that he should just forget inviting any of her friends (after the invites went out) since all her friends know each other AND those that are not invited are going to be offended. FH's logic is that if he doesn't know them then they shouldn't be invited. FMIL throws a fit and then says that she wants to invite more people....even after we told her that she already invited more than we liked. FH gave in....now we have more people.


We are not having any kids at the wedding BUT the FFIL wants to invite his brother with the two teenagers. FH explained that we are not having any kids at the wedding and that he doesn't want to make the exception...BUT FFIL said we must....so again FH gave in.

Of course FH tells me this isn't a cause for stress and that I'm the one stressing him out b/c i'm pissed off at his parents.

omg - are we marrying the same guy because I am having the SAME EXACT issues with my FMIL...

I feel your pain!!

eta: except - FH isn't giving in...yeah..this has caused huge drama between he and his mother....

So sorry to hear about your issues with ur future in-law. That really ***** that they are not being understanding as far as your wishes are concerned. Maybe you and your fiancee should sit down and have a 'one to one' as far as how you are feeling and that you need him to be a team and be a team on issues that are important to the both of you. His family HAS to understand that it is YOU and YOUR FIANCEES DAY and that you guys are footing the bill. If you guys said no kids, then no kids should be allowed. That leaves room for conflict with other family and friends. Try not to stress out but DO get your point across. Hope this helps.

i dont know if this is a possibility, but can you ask FMIL and FFIL to pay for the extra guests that they insist on inviting?
im sorry you're going thru this!

Why can't FMILs seem to understand it is just not about them??

I feel your pain!

The best advice I can give you is this:

Planning a wedding in my experience has been a high stress learning experience as to how people deal with situations in life. Some situations involving parents, friends, co-workers...pretty much everyone. These situations also will end up bringing you closer together.

The best advice I can give you is to stay together and play on the same team. This won't always be easy but it will be a learning process always - it's something most people try to work towards.

I think what bothers us brides the most is that the FH goes and 'takes their side' or tries to sugarcoat a situation to protect someone else and doesn't consider how you, the bride feels.

I'm sorry your going through this right now and there is no real solution- you just have to stand your ground and make sure they know that your life and your rules are not a free for all- have you suggested to FH that maybe they should put some money toward their guests if they want those people there so badly?

Maybe- voice how you feel and see if you can possibly make some kind of compromise.

im in a very very similar situation to what you described. I really know how you feel. its difficult but i really try not to let it get to me. remember your not just marrying fh your marrying the whole family. i just try to keep in mind, ill have these people the rest of my life and try my best to compromise. hope it works out for you, i think we need to start a fmil thread!!

When he gives in.... it should be because they agreed to pay for those guest that you don't know that they are insisting on. That's the ONLY way we would have given in if given the circumstances.
If you can't afford for those extra people... and they REALLy want them... then the only fair thing to do is to have them pay for those people!

I totally agree with the other ladies and think that FH should ask them to pay for the other guests. Its only fair, especially since you don't know them. If they can't come up with the money, then their guests aren't invited.

So sorry you are going through this.

Im sorry you have to deal with this BS!....i feel your pain

I'm sorry your'e dealing with this...your FMIL has a lot of nerve to demand that guests she wants to invite go to the wedding and then not even offer to pay for them!!!!...but it sounds as if the problem is w/FH not putting his foot down also. If he continues to give in to her now, that may tell you how he will handle conflict with FMIL in the future when you are involved...and you will always be on the losing end. Your FH needs to understand that you are a team and that he has to have your back...I would sit down and talk w/him and explain how this makes you feel, and why it is so important to you that you present a united front to his mother. In addition, I would tell him that both of you need to have a talk with FMIL as well and explain to her that you cannot afford to have all these guests unless she can pay for their plates. Period.

Or...tell her if it isn't too late that you have no more invites left

so sorry to hear you are getting stress