FMIL vent

She was kind enough to call me for my birthday a few days ago and while we were talking she mentioned wanting to purchase a restored car that costs $45,000 but then continued to say...I cant get it anytime soon 'because I have a wedding to pay for'.

She has given us grief ever since we got engaged about money and came up with amount she can give us (which is no where near the cost of the car...she offered us $5,000). Trust me i am happy to get anything because every little bit helps but i swear i wanted to hang up on her! Its been a few days and this is still in my head. I told FH if she makes a comment like that again I am going to tell her to keep her money and come to the wedding as a guest and give us a gift that she feels fit. FH of course doesnt want that, but i dont want this held over my head for the rest of my life!!! And, we told her what we were putting that money towards (dj, florist, photographer)...and she then said she will have HER 'must play song list' ready to send to the DJ and she also wanted input on the flowers (but i managed to do that without her).
am i wrong to tell her to keep her money if she says it again!?!?! i dont want the stress of dealing with her
UGHHHH
vent complete!

Yikes! I don't know how you deal with that, I probably would have gone off on her. I give you MAJOR credit. So I don't have any advice, just

WoW... Im sorry you are dealing with this I am not in any situation like that but if I was I would be annoyed too and would def tell her to keep her $!

ooo FMIL's can be such a PITA! I agree with everyone else I dont think you would be wrong to tell her to keep her money!

Hope it all works out for you!

I'm sooo sorry you have to deal with this!! I've been having FMIL issues myself.
This is a sticky situation! I'm not sure what you should do! Sorry I'm no help!

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Posted by pjc92980

She was kind enough to call me for my birthday a few days ago and while we were talking she mentioned wanting to purchase a restored car that costs $45,000 but then continued to say...I cant get it anytime soon 'because I have a wedding to pay for'.

She has given us grief ever since we got engaged about money and came up with amount she can give us (which is no where near the cost of the car...she offered us $5,000). Trust me i am happy to get anything because every little bit helps but i swear i wanted to hang up on her! Its been a few days and this is still in my head. I told FH if she makes a comment like that again I am going to tell her to keep her money and come to the wedding as a guest and give us a gift that she feels fit. FH of course doesnt want that, but i dont want this held over my head for the rest of my life!!! And, we told her what we were putting that money towards (dj, florist, photographer)...and she then said she will have HER 'must play song list' ready to send to the DJ and she also wanted input on the flowers (but i managed to do that without her).
am i wrong to tell her to keep her money if she says it again!?!?! i dont want the stress of dealing with her
UGHHHH
vent complete!

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Sorry about your drama with mom, but, have you expressed to her that she's adding a little bit more grief? maybe she just wants to be m ore involved with the planning and doesn't know how to tell you without being snarky...

Either way, I don't know the entire situation so I am just assuming based on the story...

It will all work out, but, wedding planning definitely builds up your stress tolerance...

sorry to hear you have to go through this

Nope I would tell her to shove her money (maybe not in those words)

but def tell her to keep the money I would rather cut costs and what not. Sorry I have too big of a mouth

That comment would've pi$$ed me too 5,000 is a very nice gesture but is in no way 'paying' for the wedding and not worth the grief IMO.

Sorry, it's a no win situation since if you speak up, she might be the type to make it sound like you are being ungrateful.

As for the DJ must play list, just know that the bride and groom trumps all. I'm sure dj's have dealt with plenty of over bearing moms so just let him know to lose her list

i say take her money ... all the BS will go away once the wedding is over (i didn't believe it would be, but it is)

let her give whatever DJ lists she wants ... tell her you'll give them to the DJ, but don't ... she'll be happy that you're doing things for her ... and you'll be happy cause you get her money. Oh, and when she asks why her list wasn't played at the wedding, just say that a lot of your songs weren't played also - that the DJ didn't have the time.

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Posted by AwaitingAugust

i say take her money ... all the BS will go away once the wedding is over (i didn't believe it would be, but it is)

let her give whatever DJ lists she wants ... tell her you'll give them to the DJ, but don't ... she'll be happy that you're doing things for her ... and you'll be happy cause you get her money. Oh, and when she asks why her list wasn't played at the wedding, just say that a lot of your songs weren't played also - that the DJ didn't have the time.

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my initial reaction was to tell her to stick her 5 grand where the sun doesn't shine- but your better taking the cash, pretending to give the DJ the list, and to really make her feel like crap- Boast to everyone how your fabulous MIL gave you money to help out. just compliment the S*** out of her and then she can feel like crap for being so evil. Be nice and in doing so your pouring hot coals over her head :)

Yikes! Sounds like my FMIL, so I definitely know how you feel. She gave us $7000, so I gave her $7000 worth of involvement (whereas my parents get a much higher percentage). FH and I said to EVERYONE that was involved that you had to pay to play, and if they wanted to contribute to our day, we would happily keep them in the loop and listen to their opinions, but it is out day and we are going to do things how we want to do things. If they would prefer not to give us a gift towards the wedding, fine.

They all understand, and I basically send FMIL info after the fact (ie, oh look! Here are the flowers that we ended up with!), so she feels involved but she really isn't.....she also gets to plan 1 shower and an after party (we have an afternoon wedding), since she likes to entertain and my mom likes to sit with tea in her pjs....

Honestly, we got to this point BECAUSE I told FMIL that we were not going to involve anyone that didn't help financially, and that got her attention. Then I stressed over what to involve her in, and it all worked out (for now). If she had been a whiny baby about it all, (and she is now complaining about the finances of a shower- and did I mention she is hosting a huge Halloween Party that will cost min. $2000?), we probably would have said thanks but no thanks. We are going to do this our way.

should have told her it was going towards the honeymoon... but then she might want to tag along frustrating!!!!!