Ok so here is the quick version. Let me know what you girls think. My FMIL is from PA. Her and her husband dont have alot of close family. There friends are their family. I've met a few of there friend couples many times and I like them very much.
Well this weekend my FMIL started talking about the list for the rehersal dinner (which her and my FFIL are paying for). I'm inviting my bridal party and a handful of family members who are in the wedding ceremony in someway. A while back she had mentioned that she would like to invite some of her 'closest friends' to the rehersal since they might be in town the night before the wedding. Since they dont have a large extented family I had no problem with that. BUT this past weekend she made up her list and she is planning on inviting almost 30 of her FRIENDS! Half of whom my fiance and I dont even know! I didnt say anything at the time but its been festering for the past few days. I DONT WANT 30 people at my rehersal who arent in the wedding at all. ALSO, she wanted to have a birthday cake for one of her friends who I have never met before because my rehersal happens to be on her birthday. I have a problem with this! I don't know if I am just a bitchy bride but I feel like she is trying to make my rehersal dinner into a party for her friends who are in town. I'm soooo annoyed. I have to confront her on this.
ANy brides on my side out there? WOuld you be pissed?
Mici n KC
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
I would just calmly and very nicely tell her you want to keep the dinner small and didn't want that many people there.
futuremrsfab
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
Its actually nice to invite people who are from out of town to the rehearsal dinner if they will be in before the wedding- we are doing this...
Its really nice that your FMIL is paying for the rehearsal dinner and as long as she's not inviting people you dont like, I wouldnt make a big deal out of it
bluegreen08
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
Posted by Mici n KC
I would just calmly and very nicely tell her you want to keep the dinner small and didn't want that many people there.
I agree.
Some people invite all of the OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner, but in the end it should be what you want.
bluekat16
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
I think if they are OOT guests it's OK to invite them, I just wouldn't have her do a birthday cake for her friend.
wo0shply
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I would be upset too, I would ask your FH to speak to FMIL and see if its possible to cut down the list and about the birthday cake. I think your FH can be honest with his parents.
agraydc
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
i would be pissed too, if she wants to visit with her friends she should set up a different date.... a RD is a thank you to all the people working for your special day, not his moms friends, and i know its hard to question because she is paying but i would tell her how you feel
roan126
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
Thats a tough one...it sounds like your FMIL is using your RD as an excuse to throw herself a little party. So not right, but if she's paying for it not sure how much you can do. I'd definitely put my foot down about the birthday cake tho. Can FH talk to her?
kristin597
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
I would definetly be upset too. I would tell her, calmly, that you dont think that that many people should be at the rehearsal bc it may be a bit hectic. The birthday cake is just totally out of line.
Michiamanomimi
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
I agree that it's may be turning into a party for her and her friends, but what about a compromise. You can do a small rehearsal dinner as you would like and then have a larger dessert reception with her friends. Depending on where the RD is, they might be able to help you out or you might have to change venues. Or you can do a larger cocktail hour and a smaller dinner. Either way you can come to some of the larger party, but don't have to stay for the whole thing (since everyone should understand that the bride might want her beauty sleep or some quiet time with her friends and family)
zoe282
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
I think it really depends if these people are coming in from OOT. Both sides are inviting guests who will be in town that day. I think the cake is a bit silly though. If it's just friends who are from the area then I would say no go....we are going to have almost 50 ppl at ours with the BP/family and OOT guests. But...to each their own so if it bothers you then it can't hurt to sit down and talk to her...or have your FH do it?
SoonToBeMrsScott
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
i would try to stay calm and talk to her about it this is about you and fh this not about her and her friends are their b-day people lose the point of a wedding the time goes by so fast and its for you to enjoy not for a moment to be taken away from you
momof2
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
Sometimes you have to step back and look at the big picture and decide what's really important to you and also to FMIL. Usually, out of town guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner kind of as a thank you for coming the long distance to attend the wedding. So, since your FIL's are paying for it, I would let them invite whoever they want - they know they are here for your wedding and to really celebrate it and plus it gives you the opportunity to meet and greet everyone so the day of the wedding you don't have to be burdened with all the introductions etc. As far as the birthday cake thing, would it really take away from you to sing a little Happy Birthday to someone that means alot to your FMIL? I think it might make people look differently at you and say - 'that was really nice of her to let us celebrate a little something extra with her special event'. I've been to weddings where they bring out birthday cakes and wish people Happy Anniversary etc. It's really all about family and friends and really not worth risking hurting someones feelings. Hope I didn't step on any toes, just giving out advice from years of experience on how to keep a family together.
korndoggie
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
Ok, I didn't read the other comments.
If she is paying for it, why do you care who comes? My thing is with MILs that you need to pick and choose your battles and if they are paying for something and they want to have all these people there then so be it. I am sure you will find something else that your MIL wants to do that you don't agree with. Save the fight for that.
JMHO
mariaobride
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
I may be the odd ball in this topic (sorry) although I think it is nice that she is paying and I agree she is allowed to invite whomever she wants I think it is a bit overboard with 30 extra people it sounds as though she is not only hosting a party for you & fh but for her friends as well. I personally would get over the whole amount of people she is inviting but sorry I would be a little bit annoyed about the cake especially since I don't have a relationship with this person and the event is for our wedding (it is a bit awkward). My advice pick your battle wisely if it is something you can get over then let it pass or nicely speak to her with Fh. You can maybe say that you are uncomfortable with having so many people are your RD. This is just of course my opinion I don't expect anyone to agree.
Bride908
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
It is very nice of them to host your RD, unfortunatly your in a sticky situation b/c they are paying. I honestly want my RD to be more a personal thing and a thank u to our bridal party than an affair for all. Maybe you can say how you feel in some way without being offensive?
MichBride
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Im in an anti FMIL tonight b/c mine is really getting under my skin and I absolutely think its ridiculous that yours would invite 30 of her friends to your rehearsal which is supposed to be for the bridal party and imm fam! Also, its an event shes hosting for you- the least she can do is ask you if you are okay with. I just dont understand the FMILS-- there is always so much drama with them! No wonder our FH's want us-- they need to get away from them!!!
Ahh can you tell Im bitter tonight?? haha
JillBride08
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Re: FMIL VENT (rehersal dinner)
Thanks for the input ladies. FH and my mom both talked to FMIL today and tried to explain in a very polite way that we wanted to keep the RD more of a small celebration. We already had almost 40 people with friends and family. Now with her friends we will be up to almost 70! ITS CRAZY. Unfortunatly it seems that FMIL already informed all of her friends that they are invited. MY mom has suggested I 'pick my battles' as many of you have said. If I ask her to disinvite her friends I would look like a huge B and would embaress her. I'm not trying to do that so I guess I will just let it go. I am just a little annoyed that she wouldnt take the time to ask the bride and groom if they would mind. But as for the birthday cake for the woman I have never met, thats not happening. LOL I have to draw the line somewhere. LOL
