FMIL vent...again

seems i am always venting about FMIL and how awful she makes me feel. I always felt she has been opposed to this wedding and FH keeps telling me that is just the way his mom is (a negative person) and that it is NOT personal.
Christmas eve we got together and she made a nasty comment towards me....so now FH does believe it is personal.
We had decided not to give gifts this hoiday season bc we were saving for the wedding and told everyone in advance and they all agreed. One person decided to give us a gift anyway and as she handed the giftbags to FH and I she said i know we said no gifts, but i saw these and loved them and didnt want to wait to give them at the shower. We started to open the bag and FMIL said under her breath (but loud enough for a few people to hear) 'UGH we need to have a shower for paula' in a nasty tone. It took alllll my self control to not respond saying dont worry i dont want you there....so instead i got up and walked out of the room where another family member heard the comment and said i cant believe she said that. I didnt even have a chance to tell FH the nasty comment (we had no time alone) but someone that heard the comment told him what was said and how inappropriate it was.
FH and i were both fuming and i ignored FMIL the rest of the night.
I told FH i wanted to write FMIL an email explaining that i heard the comment and felt it hurtful etc but FH said he wants to do it...so he is at work today (I have a snow day...yay) and he showed me the email he plans to send her. I have no idea how this will turn out but i am so happy he is sticking up for me and not thinking i am crazy anymore!

I really can not stand this woman and i will say though i am glad she made this comment bc now FH sees my side and understands why i dont feel welcomed by his parents.

I am so sorry. I know it can be frustrating- I am in a similar situation.

But once FH got to see FMIL in action, he stood up for me and is trying to make it better (he thought I was just being a drama queen until she pulled him into her lies and manipulations).

I hope it works out- I think some FMILs are just thinking that they are being replaced when their sons get married- does she have any daughters? This seems to be our issue- FMIL only had sons, and now feels abandoned (especially since we are moving out of DC and back to NY)

i KNOW how you feel. it took a while before FH stopped thinking it was 'all in my head' and yes, it took someone else to point it out to him,
good for your FH that he is sticking up for you. when FH stood up for me it got REALLY bad before it got ALOT better. FMIL and I arent bff's now or anything, but we do get along better once she saw how much her ways were hurting her sone more than it hurt me. just be prepared for the immediate backlash, but i hope it all works out for the better!

Sorry you are going through this. Actually it was better that someone else told him, this way there is no way to think it was misconstrued.

I have no words of advice, I luckily have great FILs but keep your head up

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Posted by Reinhart2be

I'm sorry your going through this. It's really hard. Maybe you do need one big blow out to get everything off your chest. And honestly you don't have to be a part of FH's family life. Just stop going to events where she will be. I know it's hard, and there is no easy answer. You could always use the kids (when they come along) as leverage.

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Just want to comment on this (since I'm a mom) I don't think that you ever want to use children as leverage be it with FILs or FH it is not good for anyone. When people do this the other party usually just bad mouths the person trying to use the kids which might be worse.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Luckily you have FH backing you and making sure you're happy. At the end of the day, it's you and FH and the new life you'll start together, regardless of what FMIL thinks...

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Posted by Im getting Married

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Posted by Reinhart2be

I'm sorry your going through this. It's really hard. Maybe you do need one big blow out to get everything off your chest. And honestly you don't have to be a part of FH's family life. Just stop going to events where she will be. I know it's hard, and there is no easy answer. You could always use the kids (when they come along) as leverage.

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Just want to comment on this (since I'm a mom) I don't think that you ever want to use children as leverage be it with FILs or FH it is not good for anyone. When people do this the other party usually just bad mouths the person trying to use the kids which might be worse.

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I know this isn't going to be a popular notion, and I don't necessarily mean leverage. However, it would be really easy to spend every Christmas with your family. It might take a while, but eventually she would notice.

I hope it all works out. Stay strong together.

I think it's great that you have FH's support but if it were me, I'd call her on it. I'd call her up and let her know that her comment was inappropriate, hurt your feelings and makes you feel like an unwanted guest. You can let her know that a bridal shower is not an obligation and should be done by people who love and respect you and wish you honor your intended marriage. If she feels she does not wish to be party to such an event she need not attend. After you hang up, do the kiss my *** dance

Oh my goodness...good for him! Why doesn't she like you? Has it always been like this? I feel terrible that you have to go through this! So sorry!

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Posted by Danielle41209

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Luckily you have FH backing you and making sure you're happy. At the end of the day, it's you and FH and the new life you'll start together, regardless of what FMIL thinks...

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ITA with this!