Ok...advise is needed... My FH is my FMIL pride and joy. He also has two sisters, but FMIL does not throw them up on a pedistal like she does FH. She calls him....'My Son'...'My Son'... ugh...it makes me sick sometimes. ANYWAY...reason I'm posting is I need some advice. We are not doing the Father/Daughter dance nor are we doing the Mother/Son dance. The reason for this is I am not close with my Dad and would feel really uncomfortable. FH has no problem with this either. So...here comes the question...do we tell her now that we're not doing these dances or do we just not say anything and she'll find out that day? Things to keep in mind before everyone starts thinking I'm a cold hearted B*#&^ is... 1. He was married before...did the whole Mother/Son dance thing at that wedding. If he wasn't married before and never did that I would have danced with my Dad for her. 2. Both of his Sisters did not dance with their Dad at their weddings because they're not close with him too.
Stacey04
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
You might as well tell her before the wedding, especially if she might ask, and then she will know you were keeping it from her.
I would tell her around August, and just explain you reasoning.
If she was really upset about it, you FH could dance with her and you wouldn't be forced to dance with your dad. (that is what my brother did)
nov04LIbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
I would definitely tell her beforehand so that it doesn't cause problems the day of. I had the same situation, but it was DH's first marriage. He danced with his mother to the same song, at the same time as I danced with my father. I thought this was less time and attention on it.
salsbride06
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
I WOULD DEFINETLY TELL HER THAT YOU ARENT DOING THE FATHER/DAUGHTER AND MOTHER/SON DANCE. THAT SEEMS LIKE THE SAFEST THING TO DO AT LEAST YOU WONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HEADACHE ON YOUR WEDDING DAY.
hocus
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
Go ahead and tell her.
Also - just because you don't have a formal dance, doesn't mean your FI won't dance with his mom.
If she wants some 'spot light' time, there are many things she could do.
LFitzy79
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
Tell her at a family affair, where his sisters are around to give you some support, and where other people can be witnesses. Make him bring it up, but do it when you are there so she can't change his mind.
Mrs. dleeny
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
Based on the 2 reasons that you mentioned, I think you should just tell her now. and you have 'ammo' (reasons # 1 & 2) if she gives you a hard time.
steflily
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
We are not doing any 'special' dances except FH and me and we told everyone upfront. Easier to do it now than later and it will get rid of any expectations. And like another poster said, this doesn't mean that your FH can't request a song to dance with his mother with. Just don't have the DJ announce it and don't clear the floor.
103005FallBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
You are all wonderful. Such great tips... I'm so pumped.... I definitely want him to bring it up because she is so strange...she would start the attitude with me.
As it was this weekend we were at a party on Saturday discussing the wedding and I mentioned about how I'm going to do something to celebrate Grammie's B-day because she'll be 93 two days after the wedding and she says...'Oh, you can celebrate mine and Grammie's together because mine is 10/16'... Everyone at the table was like...what the?! She keeps it up...yeah...you can celebrate my and Grammie's birthday! Then she notices we're all looking at her like she's off her rocker and she says... 'Oh, well...no...it's the Brides' decision'. (dig...dig...) Ok...at that point I said... 'No this wedding is the Groom's and Bride's decision'! Rich turns to her and says...Yeah..Ma, what special birthday is that that you're having...Grammie is going to be 93!!!'
LFitzy79
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
I don't know where some people get thier nerve from....
AnniesSS
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
That's tough I'm not close with my dad and he's not walking me down the aisle - but I gave him the option of doing the FD dance. FMIL definately wants to dance with FH, although HE doesn't want to, but he will to pacify the situation.
I would tell her now and explain that it's been done already and you don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable - ie: you, your dad, FH, etc
otherme
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
Hi date twin!
I would definitely tell her before the wedding - as others have said, you do have some valid reasons. And if you tell her beforehand, she'll get all her arguing over with instead of possibly causing problems for you on your wedding day.. good luck!
summer06bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL...ugh...
I dont know if I would tell her before the wedding. I also have an 'interesting' mother in law. Sometimes I love her and other days . If you tell her before she is going to give you grief about it until the day. What can she do at the wedding? FMILS gotta love them.
