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For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

emric Posted:

For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

With 3 months to go and dresses being ordered, shower and bachlorette party being planned....my MOH and another BM dropped out. They didn't drop out properly, I had to assume my MOH was dropping out and my BM 'broke up' with me via email. I am the last of my girls to get married and I was there for them when they went down the aisle. For what ever reason they dropped out, it is what it is, but I feel like our friendship is pretty much done with. So the questions is....do you still invite them to the shower and bachlorette party? I know it's the right thing to invite them to the wedding though. I am taking the high road through all of this and have not said 'boo' to either of them, just that I understand their situations. But I don't think I really want them there. How have you ladies dealt with them?

I see I'm not alone in all this DRAMA!!! You definatly see who your real friends are when you get married. I'm sorry to all the ladies who have to deal with this. I've hit some bumps down the road of planning, but I am holding on and moving on!! Oh, and by the way - I am sooo not a bridezilla and have done everything so far to accommodate all the ladies involved. C'est la vie!
All my best to all!
MrsDR2010 Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

I'm sorry u are going thru this. I would still send them an invite if they come thenthey come if they don't then it really shows how much they are really a friend and then u completely cut them off. With the economy maybe they are having trouble coming up with money so I wouldn't be too upset....of course initially ur gonna be pissed ....hope all goes well
mzmahagony Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

Im sorry that you are going through this. I am in a similar situation, the only difference is that I kicked out one of my bridesmaids and my MOH didnt actually drop out but she might as well had. She is not much help to me and I'm not sure if she cares to help me. Luckily I still have over a year to replace them. If you don't really want them there then don't invite them, but if you still want them in your life I don't don't see anything wrong with sending them an invite anyway. If they come they come and if they don't that's their problem.

Soon2bMrsH Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

my jaw dropped reading that! im sorry, that really stinks. hope they gave you some sort of reason for it??
Take the high road, invite them to everything, if they show they show, if they dont they dont. maybe they will realize they made a huge mistake in doing that.
MarjorieFrank Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

OMG! I can't believe that! I can be petty, so I don't think you should be inviting them to anything! That is ridiculous.. especially that you were there for them when they got married. That is so selfish on their part. Personally, I would never talk to them again. Do you have any clue as to why they are dropping out??

las1 Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

Sorry you are going through this. I had on of my bm's drop out because she found out she is pregnant and due 2 weeks after my wedding so she may not even be there. Then another girl I asked said no by e-mail after she had to think about being one of my bm's and it was very awkward situation.

It's hard, but I would invite them. It's unfortunate that you see a different side of people that you may not have seen before.
soontobecruz Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

I might be petty also but unless they had a really good reason for dropping out. Like the BM in the post above this who was preggers and due right around the weddinng date. I wouldn't invite them either. Especially since you were there for them paid the expense for them. Everyone's situation is different if you don't know the reason they dropped I would try and find out first. Then make your decision. I personally wouldn't invite them though... thats just me.

megan_gallagher Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

I'm not in your boat (yet) but I feel like its coming.
One BM is due in a few days and even though my wedding isn't for another year and a half (if we find a hall) I have a feeling that mommyhood might stop her from being in the wedding, or even attending as she lives out of state.
and my MOH, has been my best friend for over 20 years and at first helped out so much and even says 'I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, etc' but for about a month I was worried because we kind of drifted. We do it often, but it was when I needed her help. Lately we've been better, I mean I know no matter what she's my moh, even if we get into a fight now and never speak again, she'll still be my moh.

but back to your situation... if you DON'T want them there, don't invite them.

We don't know why they dropped out, but you know, so was it money? was it jealousy? were you being a bridezilla? etc. I mean... if it was a money issue, there's no reason to be mad at them, invite them. were they being mean to you, were they jealous or pushy, causing fights, then don't invite them. were you being a total bridezilla (I will be) then that depends on how they reacted to you.

I in no way want to invade your privacy, so I hope you don't feel I was too 'pushy' in getting information.
japarican Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

I feel for you and know exactly how you feel -
I had gotten engaged almost 2 years ago and asked my at the time roommate and long time friend to be my MOH. I didnt choose her because of the longevity of our fiendship, but because she had always been the one to support me and DH through everything and me and DH are where we are thanks to her love and support. Well, when I made appts for the BM's dresses, she was at the mall near the store 30 min before the appt. When the rest of us got there we called her to let her know.. 45min later she strolls in saying she was stuck in the fitting room at the other stores... she is the only one in my party that hadnt seen my dress and when my DH said during a dinner that the wedding is less than a year away and ppl need to start getting involved, she went on about how busy she was with a cruise, trip to Mexico, snowboarding etc.
So 2 months ago she calls me out for coffee after work and tells me she does not want to be my MOH anymore because she doesnt feel as close to me anymore... and told me to appoint our other roommate. She didnt apologoze for being *** the past year and a half or even call to ask if I needed help. She said since I do this for a living (I'm a meeting planner at a hotel) that she figured I had it all under control. At the end of the conversation she asked me if I would be one of her BM's since she had just recently gotten engaged.
In the end she is now a BM and inital reaction was that I didnt want her in my wedding party at all, but just as a guest. I knew I was overreacting and asked her staright forwardly, 'do you even want to be a BM?' I am giving her a chance to redeem herself. goes to show you, how you really never know a person...
In your case, i would invite them to the wedding, but maybe not the Bachelorette party and shower - especially if you feel that you dont really want them there. You shouldnt have to feel awkward on your special day... you should be surrounded by people that want to celebrate with you.
Good luck!!
Nina1010 Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

I hate when this happens... I'm so sorry for you.
I would suggest staying on the high road... invite them to the shower and the wedding..but not the bach party. Thats when you should just let loose and have no stress. The shower....usually everyone invited to the wedding goes... right? It would be too in their face...like you are calling them out and everyone else will wonder what happened to them. JMO

duggdugg1 Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

I had this happen to me a few weeks ago. My BM committed to my wedding a year ago. She then committed to 2 girls weddings after she committed to mine, but their weddings happened before mine.

She was starting trouble, telling me I don't talk to her as much anymore and she's in my wedding. I thought she was joking bc I send so many emails to my wedding party, etc. Let me add in that I lost my job in November and have been paying wedding bills while searching for a job and going to school f/t. Anyway, I came to find out she wasn't checking that email account that me and my MOH were sending messages to (how is this my fault?).

She just seemed to be making excuses constantly. Meanwhile, early in my engagement she was always at my house saying she would never find a man...but suddenly when she did, she disappeared. I didn't mind b/c I was busy and I was happy that she found someone who really cared for her and her child.

I just don't appreciate being told over the phone after the gown was ordered that she can't be in my wedding bc of money issues (meanwhile she is taking a trip to FL with the new BF and her kid). I got a deal on the BM gowns bc I know the owner of the BM dress company $82 for a gown that's normally $250.

Also I hear through the grapevine that my mom and sister are not asking for a dime for the shower...so what would she be paying for????? I didn't ask for specific shoes, she could go to Payless for all I care!!! I don't care where the girls get their hair done, so basically the only expense is my wedding gift...which she claims she is coming to the wedding so either way that would be an expense.

I'm just so hurt and confused! How dare she make me feel bad for being busy...she left me for the new boyfriend!!! UGH
Luciano-n-Gobbo Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

OMG!! I had a 'good friend' drop out after my engagement party!! I didnt invite her to the shower and will send an invite to the wedding but since I cant go to hers bc I will be on my honeymoon I know she will say no.. but I see it as a win bc that is 2 less guests

Christine N Ralph Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

1. So sorry to hear this happened- it really ***** when this happens

I had a similar situation...A BM of mine (close friend for years) dropped out last year- but since then we have connected again- and although the friendship is NOT the same, I am still going to invite her to the Bridal shower.

2. My MOH (another 'close' friend of mine) was great in the beginning- helped me with a lot of things- but as time passed she kinda disappeared. I asked her what her problem was and she started telling me all about how much money the wedding was going to cost her and that we werent clost anymore...So she dropped out as well. I have since then replaced my MOH with a wonderful person who I would much rather have next to me.

Sometimes its better off that you find out before your wedding who is really going to be there for you and who is a true friend.
FallBride2010 Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

Unless they had really good reasons to drop out, I probably wouldnt invite them

Panamasweet Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

I dont understand how a wedding can break up friendships.I thinks it an honor when someone asks you to be in their wedding. When my cousin asked me I felt so good that she thought we had a special bond over the other cousins. I wouldnt invite either one of them unless they had a heck of a reason why they couldnt make it. When i say good i mean extra extra gooooood.

I still havent choosen a MOH yet? I dont have a large circle of female friends and the one cousin i though i was extra close to said no. She told me she couldnt commit 'RIGHT NOW' to the financial obligations that comes with being a MOH. Although i respect her for being truthful i know that i would do whatever i have to do to be there for her when her day comes. Do I really need a MOH? Cant i just have my daughter who will be 13 at the time stand with me?
Relish21 Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

Ugh I feel terrible... the very same thing is happening to my Future Sis-in Law. Just chalk it off to people being selfish. it's a shame but they say your real friends will show their true colors in times like major events.


::hugs:: Worry not the people who count the most will be there with Bells on!!!!



:)

Sweeteey51 Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

HELL NO i wouldnt invite them to either. basically they just ended the friendship, 3months before come on. not to be an instigator but id be pissed.

bubberflys Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

This is going to sound bad... but thanks for the post b/c It made me feel a little better knowing it happens to more people than just me.

my situation is slightly different....

One of my sisters had assumed she was my MOH, even though we were no longer as close as we used to be. My fault for not saying something much sooner, but when I confronted her and said I didn't want her to be MOH but she can still be a BM, she basically cut me out of her life. We live in the same house and I haven't gotten even a 'hello' in the past month or maybe longer..i lost track.

She therefore dropped herself from being a BM as well.

The fact that this doesn't bother me as much as it seems it should, to me means that this may be for the best.

Unfortunalty it sounds like my mother is most likely going to do the shower and that means she will be invited (after all she is family in the technical sense).

As for the wedding..we'll see... I hate her B/F and since she's not talking to me, well I have no interest in inviting them so her invite may get 'lost in the mail' however to keep family peace she may have to get one.

If she was only a 'friend' as in your case, depending on why they dropped out and how they acted (friendship wise), after dropping out, that would determine if they got invites. If they cut themselves off from my life... Hell no they would not get invites..
siena Posted:

Re: For those who had BM drop out of the bridal party.....

I agree with Sweeteey! S C R E W them - I wouldn't waste my time inviting them
once you commit to be in a wedding - unless there is a real reason to not be in it anymore you should not drop out!

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