For those who have step-children or those who are a step-child.....

So....my step-daughter who is 8 lives with me and DH. She gave me a plant for mother's day and made me a card. It was very cute. She asked if she could call me mom. Now...DH and I had discussed this when she came to live with us, and I said that I wouldn't be comfortable with that....she has a mother who she sees every other weekend....while I despise this woman and everything she has put DH through...she still is the child's mother, so I respect that. I told my step-daughter that maybe we can think of a special name, other than mom...and not my first name that she could call me if she wanted.

So...am I wrong? Should I let her call me mom? DH said it didn't matter to him, but I feel funny. Any suggesstions for other 'special names'? Thanks.

My son (who is DH's stepson) came to me about 6 months ago saying he wanted to call DH Dad. I was alittle uncomfortable with it, only because (even though he's an azz) I felt bad for my ex.
My son asked a couple of times, and I kind of skirted the issue, but finally I had a serious talk with my ex about it. He said although it did hurt him alittle, he understood, especially since I was pregnant and the baby would be calling DH Dad and Scotty probably didn't want to feel 'different', and he said he wanted Scotty to do whatever he felt comfortable doing.
Soooo...he now calls my DH 'Daddy' and his father 'Dad'...that is something that Scotty came up with, because we left it up to him. It might be alittle different for us though, because my ex lives in California and only sees my son about 4 or 5 times a year!

How do you think your stepdaughters mom would feel about it?

I always called my step-father and step-mother by their first names.

My dad lived in VA, but I spent summers with him, and was in touch with him often, at least when I was younger, so I never felt comfortable calling my step-father dad.

Every situation is different though. Maybe try talking to her mother, and find out what she feels comfortable with. I did briefly call my step-father 'Daddy Ed' so maybe she can call you 'Mommy Kim' or something of the sort.

Even though I was 17 when my father met my stepmother and my mother is still alive there are times I call her Mom. My Aunt's stepson lived with her and he called her Mom for many years but never in front of his bio-mother. That would be disrespectful IMO. She always understood.
I see nothing wrong with your stepdaughter calling you Mom. I would have a talk with her about it and explain that you want her to feel comfortable and loved and that if calling you Mom is important to you then okay, but you would prefer her not to do it in front of her bio-mom. JMO but how nice that your stepdaughter loves you that much!!

My parents divorced when I was very young (1 1/2) They both remarried and I always called my stepdad and stepmom by their first names. (my stepmom was a stepmonster when I was young) My father was always active in my live and saw him every other weekend. Even when my little brother was born (mom and step dad) I never called him Dad. I refer to him as My Dad but never called him Dad.

I think if her mom is still around, she might get insulted if she hears her daughter call you mom too. I like the idea of a special name for her to call you.

My parents married when I was 12, I do call my step-dad 'dad' - But, I don't see my father anymore.
Now, as for my son who is 7, he sees his dad every Saturday - but he calls his step-dad by his first name. Which is fine right now, but we wouldn't mind at all if he called him dad, thats what he refers to him as anyway. Plus now that we are having twins together, I think the idea of the babies calling him dad will bother my son because like I said he thinks of him and refers to him as 'my dad'. So, I don't know what the future brings with what he will call him. But we would both be fine with him calling him 'dad'. They love each other and he is the one raising him, and my son knows the difference between the two of them.

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Posted by brideinapril

My parents married when I was 12, I do call my step-dad 'dad' - But, I don't see my father anymore.
Now, as for my son who is 7, he sees his dad every Saturday - but he calls his step-dad by his first name. Which is fine right now, but we wouldn't mind at all if he called him dad, thats what he refers to him as anyway. Plus now that we are having twins together, I think the idea of the babies calling him dad will bother my son because like I said he thinks of him and refers to him as 'my dad'. So, I don't know what the future brings with what he will call him. But we would both be fine with him calling him 'dad'. They love each other and he is the one raising him, and my son knows the difference between the two of them.

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I thikn for kids, they ccanaccept havign 2 dad more than we can. They can have to grandmothers & call them both grandma ( sometimes) & knwo the differnce, so I think if they are young enough, they don't see a probelm callignthemboth mom or dad.

I like 'Mama-Kim' as a 'special name' though, if you need one.

Older kids are probably more comfortable with first names.