For those who read my FMIL shower planning take over thread Very long!

Ugh this shower drama never ends

I had had issues with FMIl making comments that finally got my mother to agree to have a second shower which had me so upset and I told my FMIl so they decided to go back to just one and said the only reason was becaue of the date but I knew it was many other reasons.

Well I thought everything was settled as my mom planning until tonite......


After talking about the plans for the guys going to Vegas in front of my mom she freaked out and called the best mans (FHs brother) wife who is also in my bridal party (FHs brothers wife) and asked her why the bachelor party was set on the weekend of the shower?! The shower was planned to be CO-ED! Cindy (fsil) kinda just gave my mother a 'well it has been planned that way for months' attitude so my mom didnt know what to do so she told me.

I feel so bad for my mom, this drama from his family never gets easier, I just dont get how my FSIL knew that the shower and bachelor party were the same weekend and she didnt say anything

I mean even if it wasnt co-ed doesnt the groom bring the bride to be to the shower and then pick her up at the end?! I wanted to be able to show him all of our gifts, now he wont be here?!

I dont even know if I am crazy about the co-ed idea anyway but my mom was planning on buying eddie tools and stuff which probably would have been pretty cute but it is ruined now.... sob sob...

I now know the date and place..... she could just keep it that day without having coed and deal with the fact that I know, but she is also getting quite frustrated and wants to just tell my FMIL to take over after all, that her planning this shower isnt meant to be and that she will just have to have a really big baby shower when the time comes

I really thought this was settled and now I dont know what to do?!

I wanted my mom to have fun and plan this but it is just not being made easy for her, I almost feel like my FSIL deliberatly did this because she obviously thought my mother was wrong from the beginning of this, she kept telling me how 'your mother just wouldnt budge with the date' which was bull, she had called my inlaws that same night they made an issue of the date and told them they could change it but they had still wanted a seperate shower, they just used the date as an excuse is how I see it, the issues were really that it wasnt good enough, which ****ed me off and led to this whole thing.

It is not like a restaurant shower would be bad, but then I feel like they manipulated their way into gettting their way and finally won, but its not like a party in a restaurant is losing, I just feel bad if my mom has to pay alot of money and that her thunder is taken away, which at this point I am not even sure she wants anymore,

Guys I really need some advice here.

Do I just let FMIL take over and have my mom take a backseat but have less work to do and get to have a nice restaurant shower and Eddie will be able to bring and pick me up. Plus it will probably be a more of a surprise.

Or, just have the same date even though I know, just not co-ed and Eddie still goes to Vegas.

HELP!!!!!!!

I guess it depends on how strongly your mother feels about planning/hosting your shower. My mother can be very sensitive and gets upset easily over stuff like this, so I personally would do anything it took to respect her feelings and not upset her - ergo, let Mom do it and make it it non-coed.

BUT - if your mom doesn't feel that strongly about it and would be willing to give over the work, then I'd say let FMIL take over again. PS - Why are they even involving you in the shower drama? You're not supposed to be stressing about this on top of everything else!

First of all, your fmil needs to butt the hell out and shut up. It's not her say when your shower is- it's your mother's (if she's the one planning it). It sounds like she's just being difficult because she has nothing better to do.
And secondly, my fi would not be going to his bachelor party that weekend. There is no reason why it has to be the same day when it's going to be a co-ed shower.
For me it would be WWIII - I would be flipping out on the mil, and sil. But, that's just me.
Good for you that you can be as calm as you are!
BTW, does your fi know about the co-ed shower and is still planning on going away that weekend for his bp?

This is ridiculous. I think your inlaws are being childish and spiteful. WHy wouldnt your Mother want to host the shower, and make the plans? You're HER daughter, they have no business trying to butt in or ruin it. I'm sure they intentionally did NOT tell your Mom about the bachelor party or whatever. They knew EXACTLY what they were doing. I don't care, she is your MOM and she should have that priviledge. I could tell the IL's exactly where to go.


BTW, sorry Tara, for coming on stron, I think I'm pmsing.

Get your FH involved asap! He needs to tell his mother that this is YOUR shower, not hers and that you have a mother. Your mother is planning and paying for this shower. It is not your FMIL's decision on when, where, how or anything. Your mother should only need to ask for a guest list, or give your FMIL a number of guests that she can invite. That's it. Your Mom also need to a backbone with this- not to sound too harsh but why is she dealing with this women at all. She should just say, 'This is my daughter's shower and it will be at XX date at XX time at XX place.'
Honestly your FH needs to tell his Mom that she is causing a huge problem for your Mom and to stop. This is totally unfair of your FMIL.
And honestly let them throw their own showers if that is what they want to do.

I will caution you that this is going to happen very often in your life unless you put a stop to it right now. Your FMIL will butt in at every turn- buying a house, having a baby etc....You don't want to deal with this yet forever.

So sorry for all of this. I do know how you feel. My mom took care of my shower since most of my bridesmaids were on a fixed budget. I told my mom and maid of honor I wanted something not too big, say around 40 people and of course absolutely no children. My mom couldnt of been excited more to plan this. Well, when my mom called my DH's mother for a list, three times she had 30 people on the list that included children and even DH's sisters friends. She told my mom they have a big family so my mom told her maybe she could have a little something on her own. Well, she freaked out and was totally nasty! My mom then dealt with DH with the shower and she was miserable about the whole thing. My shower was at the country house which is not a place to have alot of peole and it is costly.

My point to you is, dont let them take away somthing your mom wants to do. I say do not have your mom take a back seat unless she truly wants to. This is your day that you and probably your mom looked forward to. It is so sad how other people always find a way to do this during a special time.

Good luck to you

O-M-G! Tara! I can't believe this s h i t! How dare she!! I was there with you when you spoke to Cindy too! she is a vindicative you know what! I'm sorry!

I'm so sorry hun! If there is anything I can do, please let me know! Call me when you read this at work!

I love you guys! I thought i would come on here this morning with no replies because it was too long to read haha.

Again I think you guys are right, and I think my mom truly does want to plan the shower but it is just not being made easy for her and she is getting to the point where I think she doesnt think it is worth it, and she doesnt have a backbone in situations like this, she'd rather give up than have to fight, but she keeps swearing to me that she would be fine with FMIL doing it.

FMIL has actually had nothing to do with the recent events, she didnt know about the bachelor party but SIL Cindy definetly knew about both but claims not to have known it was coed...... after all the other discussions I highly dought they didnt bash my mother about this idea too, I personally feel she did do it on purpose to ruin my moms plans and that hurts me so much.

I think I should stand my guns and let my mom still plan it, but I guess now I will just have to fake the surprise part, and also now my mom feels so pressured and is not enjoying it as much and that is so sad,

There really isnt a good solution here is there?

I'm sorry I just read this now! I agree with the others here. First of all FH needs to be aware of this situation and the stress it is causing for both you and your mother (BTW, I feel so bad for her) and second - your FMIL, needs to step aside. If your mother didn't want to plan this in the first place, she probably wouldn't have, ya know? I believe that your mother should just do the shower when she feels like it, have whatever kind of shower she wants and that's that!!! You will enjoy it, even though you know when it is! Please keep us posted!

to you and your mom!