For those whose parents are paying for a large part of the wedding...

after you receive your wedding gifts, do you plan on giving any money to your parents 'back' to them?

I want to do this to give something back to them after what they're putting in instead of walking away like bank robbers.

We will, however, have our own expenses to pay after the wedding, so my FH feels we should use the gifts to pay off those expenses and some furniture debt we still have from buying our house. To that, I say we will, but I still feel we can give our parents SOMETHING because without their giving us this beautiful wedding, we wouldn't even GET the amount in gifts we're getting. Ya know? Even if it's just $2,000 or so to give back to them, I would feel better that we gave them back something. I told him we'll evaluate the situation after the wedding, but I'd like to give my parents SOMETHING.

For brides who are in the same situation as I am, where my parents are putting in at least $30K into the wedding (and they're not exactly rich... they just want to do this)... do you plan on/did you give any of your wedding money gifts back to them after the wedding when you were in more of a financial situation to give $$ back?

(I don't want this to be any type of controversial topic, which always seems to happen when finances are brought up... I'm just curious as to what other brides did...)

Thank you!

UPDATE: Thanks, ladies. I know my parents wouldn't take it. You're absolutely right. I even told my FH that I know they wouldn't take it, but I would go deposit it into their bank account myself if I had to to make them take it.

We have an Italy ING account set up for them for various holidays instead of giving them useless gifts every holiday. Maybe this Christmas, right after the wedding, we'll put $2,000 into their Italy fund or something! That way it's OUR 'gift' to THEM - yet my way of paying them back a little. And my parents have no idea how to access that account, so they can't give it back to me!

In addition, I also want to give them a REALLY nice gift at the Rehearsal Dinner, but I haven't figured out what that will be yet... any ideas? My mom LOVES Atlantic City, but she gets everything for free there anyway!

I was not in your situation - my parents did not pay for that large a portion - but they did give us a lot. I know that if I had tried to give them money, they would have said to me 'are you crazy?' and would not have accepted the money, and it would have been the same even if they had contributed as much as your parents. I think you can offer, but if they are anything like my parents, they won't accept.
You can buy them a nice gift to show your appreciation - maybe dinner and a show in the city if they like those kinds of things.

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

I agree, when parents pay for a wedding it's usually a gift... I wouldn't necessarily give money back but a thank you instead to show appreciation.

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I agree as well. My in-laws paid for most of our wedding and even gave us a car on top of it. I know for a fact that they'd be highly insulted if we gave any of it back because they offered the wedding as a gift to us...not as a loan. ETA---they even matched the money we paid for things to offset the last minute payments/tips etc...so that the wedding cost us as little as possible.

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Posted by KvsGrl

I agree with the above posts. You can show your appreciation in other ways than giving cash back. Send them on a vacation, take them to a show. etc. HTH!

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My parents and FILs have been generous so we sent them on trips. FH has a condo in Myrtle Beach and we have a timeshare so both got really nice trips and it didn't kill us financially.

All 4 of them are turning 60 as well between now and March so we're getting them nice gifts for that as well.

Thanks, ladies. I know my parents wouldn't take it. You're absolutely right. I even told my FH that I know they wouldn't take it, but I would go deposit it into their bank account myself if I had to to make them take it.

We have an Italy ING account set up for them for various holidays instead of giving them useless gifts every holiday. Maybe this Christmas, right after the wedding, we'll put $2,000 into their Italy fund or something! That way it's OUR 'gift' to THEM - yet my way of paying them back a little. And my parents have no idea how to access that account, so they can't give it back to me!

In addition, I also want to give them a REALLY nice gift at the Rehearsal Dinner, but I haven't figured out what that will be yet... any ideas? My mom LOVES Atlantic City, but she gets everything for free there anyway!

My parents are paying for the reception which is a large portion of the price. I know that they would not expect me to pay the money back. They have already told us it is ours to keep. I think they would rather see us take that money and put it in the bank until we need a larger home. Which we will need when we have kids.

That is a nice gesture but I don't think my parents would even take the money if I offered. It is a gift from them to us which we appreciate and they know how much it is appreciated.

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Posted by sarahradio5

Thanks, ladies. I know my parents wouldn't take it. You're absolutely right. I even told my FH that I know they wouldn't take it, but I would go deposit it into their bank account myself if I had to to make them take it.

We have an Italy ING account set up for them for various holidays instead of giving them useless gifts every holiday. Maybe this Christmas, right after the wedding, we'll put $2,000 into their Italy fund or something! That way it's OUR 'gift' to THEM - yet my way of paying them back a little. And my parents have no idea how to access that account, so they can't give it back to me!

In addition, I also want to give them a REALLY nice gift at the Rehearsal Dinner, but I haven't figured out what that will be yet... any ideas? My mom LOVES Atlantic City, but she gets everything for free there anyway!

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Maybe get them upgraded to a suite or something and then get them a g.c. to a nice restaurant or spa there?

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Posted by sarahradio5

In addition, I also want to give them a REALLY nice gift at the Rehearsal Dinner, but I haven't figured out what that will be yet... any ideas? My mom LOVES Atlantic City, but she gets everything for free there anyway!

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My parents gave us a large monetary gift also, so we bought them larger gifts than DH's parents. Besides telling them as much as possible how much we appreciated them helping us through words and cards, we got them an 8x10 engraved photo frame from Things Remembered, we're buying the 8x10 of their choice to put in it from our proofs, we're making a scrapbook type of wedding album for them, we bought them broadway tickets to see Stomp, and treated them to a full dinner afterwards at a swanky restaurant.

My parents never expected, wanted, or would accept anything back from their gift to us but we had the means to 'give back' in our own way so we did. Our scrapbook for them will be the last of it and I'm planning on making it very special.

I've come to realize that parents (well, mine at least) don't want monetary gifts. They want things that will make their relationships with their kids special. They want time with us. And they want to be able to brag to their friends at how nice and wonderful their kids are to them.

My mother was my MOH, which made her happier than anything else I could have ever done for her.

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Posted by greenfreak

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Posted by sarahradio5

In addition, I also want to give them a REALLY nice gift at the Rehearsal Dinner, but I haven't figured out what that will be yet... any ideas? My mom LOVES Atlantic City, but she gets everything for free there anyway!

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My parents gave us a large monetary gift also, so we bought them larger gifts than DH's parents. Besides telling them as much as possible how much we appreciated them helping us through words and cards, we got them an 8x10 engraved photo frame from Things Remembered, we're buying the 8x10 of their choice to put in it from our proofs, we're making a scrapbook type of wedding album for them, we bought them broadway tickets to see Stomp, and treated them to a full dinner afterwards at a swanky restaurant.

My parents never expected, wanted, or would accept anything back from their gift to us but we had the means to 'give back' in our own way so we did. Our scrapbook for them will be the last of it and I'm planning on making it very special.

I've come to realize that parents (well, mine at least) don't want monetary gifts. They want things that will make their relationships with their kids special. They want time with us. And they want to be able to brag to their friends at how nice and wonderful their kids are to them.

My mother was my MOH, which made her happier than anything else I could have ever done for her.

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I think that's REALLY nice. I keep saying that my mom is my honorary matron of honor. In fact, at the reception, I plan on surprising my mom with flowers (either a duplicate of her wedding day flowers or Maid of Honor bouquet - I can't decide) to commemorate my parents' 40th wedding anniversary this year.

I think for both of my 'moms' I'm going to do the Shutterfly photo album, once I get the proofs from the photog (probably for Mother's Day).

You're right about the 'bragging' about the children thing... that really would mean the world to them, more than anything else.

The 'Things Remembered' frames sound like a good idea for both parents, including for my FMIL who is paying for the Rehearsal Dinner and who didn't want a parent album... just an 8x10.

I'm also getting my mom a Precious Moments figurine for Mother of the Bride, my dad a Willow Creek figurine and an embroidered handkerchief for both of them. Plus a Gift Certificate for Ruth's Chris (their fav. restaurant), some scratch off's (my mom's favorite) and probably some gambling $$ for A.C. for my mom since she's been staying away for almost two years to save for the wedding. .

Aren't the Willow Tree figures great? My sister got me one for a present, she got the 'Sisters by Heart'. It made me cry. Each of the figure's hands fit with the others.

My mother also got me a Willow Tree keepsake box, of a mother holding a child. She gave me an antique watch that her father had given her when she turned 16. I had always admired it, and she had the band fixed and gave it to me as my something old. Another teary moment.

Things Remembered doesn't have the frame I bought them anymore but if you're going to go through them, consider the area you're putting the engraving and how big it will be. We had two lines of engraving but it came out very small because of the design of the frame.

Broadway tickets and maybe a night in the city with maybe reservations to a nice restaurant are a really good idea.

My parents are paying for the reception. Me and my FH are paying for everything else, so we are going to do something nice for them, because my dad will NOT take any money from us.