Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

Original post by KathleenG

Oct 31, 2003 11:13 AM

Right now I have a friend (one of my bridesmaids) staying here in my apartment. She just broke up with her longtime sorta FH. First off, although I feel bad, it is neither a shock nor the first time this has happened. She hasn't loved him for years; she probably never did. She was just waiting to move out of their apartment until she was financially independent to do so. Anyway, she is staying here with FH and I. The day before FH goes out and fills the fridge; awaiting her arrival. I told him not to do it, she has a rep for being a mooch. The first few nights she comes home and asks what I ate tonight (a subtle hint that I should get something for her). She has eaten every meal in our house without contribution. IMO. she could at least help out maybe bring a pizza home with her one night out of courtesy, just an idea!! She also comes and goes as she pleases; we don't know whether she will be home 7,8 or midnight. (I refuse to give her keys). So we are left stranded waiting for her so there is someone to let her in at night. Yesterday, was the last straw, however. She happened to leave her cell phone at my house yesterday. It rings a few times but I don't pick it up. I do go checking every once in awhile to see if maybe it is her at work. Anyways, I go and check and see the name of one of our 'ex' friends. She called her about 3 times! It has to be the girl because she has a very rare ethnic name; it is not common. This 'ex'' friend of ours is one of my worst enemies. I used to hang out with her and she used me to by drinks, pay for car services, etc! One night I couldn't go out so she made up an imaginary guy she knew who wanted to meet me, just so I would go out!! She wanted me to come so I could give her money when she ran out of it! The best way to describe this girl is that she is the bully from school who beats you up and takes your lunch money! She is pure evil and I would never associate with her again. I am totally beside myself! My current 'roomate' knows all of this! Oh, did I mention my 'roomate' came home last night at 2 A.M. with more of her stuff!! FH and I were up waiting till that time!! Sorry ladies, this is so long I needed to vent; I literally feel sick!

michele31 Posted: Oct 31, 2003 04:54 PM

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

First off, I think it was very nice of you to help a friend in need. She needed a place to go, and you gave her one.

BUT did you ever set any ground rules? Did you tell her that you are more than happy to give her a place to say for XX amount of week/days and that should give her enough time to find her own place. Did you tell her that you are not trying to be a Mom but as long as she is a guest in your home you would really appreciate her coming in by 10pm because that is when you and DH like to be settled for the night. When she asks you 'what did you eat tonight' did you tell her that she is more than welcome to prepare something for herself but that you will not be making dinner for 3?

I am a firm believer that you cannot be taken advantage of unless you allow it. Now, the thing with the X friend...could be ANYTHING. This person could have heard about her breakup and is calling to see if she is okay...she could be calling to ask her if she would like to go out since she is now single. You have no idea what the call was about and in all honest it isn''t any of your business. She is allowed to get calls on her phone without anyone asking her why.

IMO it is time to let her know that she has another week to find her own place and then you and your husband really need your privacy again. That is what I would do.

04Bride Posted: Oct 31, 2003 05:18 PM

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

It sounds like she need to go!! You must have a great FH to put up with this!!!

As far as the other thing the ''ex' friend, i know exactly where you are coming from, hell it could be the same girl we are talking about its sounds so familiar but anyway liek someone said you dont know whay she called you'roommate' but you know what if your 'roommate ' knows how this ex friend upset you why would she be friends with her.
Good luck.

We''er here if you need to vent some more!