Frustrated with opinions

MissingTheBGene Posted: Jul 18, 2005 08:53 AM

Frustrated with opinions

I'm seriously frustrated and I'm not even coming up close to my wedding date yet! I feel like I can't even talk to my mom about any ideas I have for the wedding because she shoots them down immediately! The first words out of her mouth are negative. First it was the bridesmaids dresses, then the flowers, then the favors - I can't wait to see what it's going to be like when I pick out the invites! I told her last night I feel like I can't talk to her about anything because of this and she said 'well, I'll just keep my opinions to myself and not saying anything anymore' and that's not what I want either! I don't understand why I can't even finish a 'fly by idea' something that I'm not even decided on and it's like it's set in stone or something!

SIBride06 Posted: Jul 18, 2005 08:59 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

Im so sorry sweetie. Im actually having a similar situation.. only not with my mom, but my maid of honor. She is the most opinionated person I know, so no matter what idea I bring up, shes has an opinion---usually negative. Somethimes I swear.. it seems as if shes making all the decisions for MY wedding!!!

Remember.. Ite YOUR wedding. Dont let anyone cloud your mind with there opinons. This is the day you have to remember for the rest of your life, so it should be everything you want it to be & more. Dont worry about what other people think or say.

SuzBride Posted: Jul 18, 2005 09:00 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

That is definitely frustrating! I've realized that everyone has their own opinion (and want to share it) and usually the people who aren't paying have the loudest opinions Take your mom and other's opinions as just that - opinions and go with what makes you happy! If you try to please everyone you will never be able to plan a wedding!

Generally if I am unsure on something I will ask others opinions (to see if it is a bad idea), but if I love something or am set on something I tell them that BEFORE they offer their negative critiques (cause it would be too much of a downer to hear them badmouth something I love)

jes81276 Posted: Jul 18, 2005 09:02 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

My MOH is a little like that - since she was married before she thinks she knows everything....not realizing that her and I have extremely DIFFERENT taste when it comes to alot of things. I let it go in one ear and out the other....and then there is the 1 time out of 10 that she has good advice or a good idea. I just try to keep in mind that it is MY day and ultimately I am going to do what I want.

JessicaM. Posted: Jul 18, 2005 09:13 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

I know exactly how you feel...my mom HATES everything I pick- from dress to registry items. she is constantly saying how $$ my taste is, and that she can't afford me (duh!!!). she even said my dress was 'hideous' amd 'why would you pick THAT one' in front of my FH when I showed her a pic!!!!

tastes vary dramatically, even in families, but sometimes I just wish that she could say 'nice idea' even if it's something she wouldn't do, that does mean it's the worst idea in the world!!!

M&LSept1606 Posted: Jul 18, 2005 09:26 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

I know exactly how you feel, I have a FMIL that does the same thing!!!

Everything I do is too expensive or...too soon to plan (I like to get everything done early, so I don't stress closer to the wedding)...it's so irritating! I wish my mother was still here, then I wouldn't ask her a thing. (But, sometimes I like to have re-assurance) I've learned my lesson now though.

I'm not asking her opinion, or telling her ideas anymore.

I feel you

Goldi1021 Posted: Jul 18, 2005 09:36 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

I listen, pretend to care, then do whatever I want.

Steph62406 Posted: Jul 18, 2005 09:44 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

I feel your pain my mom and my sister shoot down every idea I come up with. It's so frustrating!!!!

Princessmaris Posted: Jul 18, 2005 09:50 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

Awww.... Im sorry... My FMIL is like that at times... with everything... even non wedding related...

Ive learned a new way to approach things...

I never ever say Im thinking of (lets say) having pink roses as CP

I say OOO guess what I picked pink roses for my cp...

Same thing with vendors...

when I got the info on the video and photo im using... I showed her, but told them I already booked them...

She can still say whatever she wants, but I find someone is less likely to give their unwanted opinion if you have already decided on what you are doing!

MissingTheBGene Posted: Jul 18, 2005 09:56 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

Thanks everyone, it just hurts me because I want my mom involved. I think I'll try and explain to her that I want her involved and her opinions, but she needs to hear me out at times and I'd be willing to share more information with her.

SIBride06 Posted: Jul 18, 2005 10:52 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

Posted by Goldi1021

I listen, pretend to care, then do whatever I want.

Thats awesome. You go girl

JanuaryBride06 Posted: Jul 18, 2005 11:09 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

It can become a game, especially as you start to do the big things and people try to impose their will as you try to incorporate all of your ideas into planning. But it does get easier.

cantwait2bewed Posted: Jul 18, 2005 11:11 AM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

I have this problem sometime too. The best thing to do is ask on of your friends or somene else u are close to. Or just ask us liw brides for opinions. It will help u to eliminate things much easier.

dbleplay17 Posted: Jul 18, 2005 02:52 PM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

my mom is doing the same ting. I told her that i will listen to opinions however I do not agree with them. It is my wedding and I have the final say. I just try to ignore her and pretend i am listening to her

Arrrgh I feel your pain

glinda_goodwitch Posted: Jul 18, 2005 03:10 PM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

I'm sorry! My parents are out of state (MA) and so are we (MD), so FH and I are picking everything even though my parents are paying. My mom likes everything I've picked so far, but she doesn't have many of her own opinions. The one thing she wants to help with is the flowers. So I told her I have a color scheme, but other than that, I'm not too picky. So if she has an idea that is good, we can go with it. Although, I am envisioning my bouquet, but I think she would like what I want anyways. Sometimes its nice to have some opinions though. I feel like we're just picking all these things alone. And FMIL isn't really a help because she likes EVERYTHING. So, when FMIL went with me and my MOH to look at dresses for me, she loved everything (even the hideous ones).

EMES2006 Posted: Jul 18, 2005 03:57 PM

Re: Frustrated with opinions

I'm having a similar problem....and it's sad for me because I want her to be as excited and interested as I am.

My remedy...although not the best...I just stopped telling my mother things or asking her opinion. We ordered and sent out our STDs without showing them to her, and I probably wont tell her when we take our e-pics because I know she thinks it's a complete waste of $$ and a silly idea.

FH has been excellent about this though, and I usually bounce all of my ideas off him. He's be great when it comes to planning the wedding, and we're both really pro-active and have accomplished a lot together.

I love planning my wedding....I love every minute of it. I love that we have a lot done already, and that we can sit back and relax at times.

It's our wedding, our way.

And like one of the other girls mentioned earlier...whenever I want some positive reinforcement or support, I check in with you girls on LIW. This site has certainly helped a lot!!