Frustrated- would you cancel your Bach party?

I'm going to do my best to be brief.

Long story short, I reserved a luxury suite with private deck and grills at the Palms Hotel in Ocean Beach- Fire Island back in February. I've ALWAYS wanted my party there and wanted a relaxing get away. I would have loved to go to Punta Cana but I know budgets are a concern...so this is my compromise.


I booked the only weekend left for the summer- 7/31, cost to each girl (with food) $250.

A friend of mine just informed me that the plans for Fire Island have been scrapped and that there was an email circulating for a party bus in the City- with scavenger hunt for the bride, cost $175.

Now, there is nothing wrong the party bus...if that's your style. The thing is it's NOT mine at all, I really wanted beach and sun (God willing) and mellow time with dancing at night. I'm really annoyed because I paid for a good chunk of my shower- my Mom paid the rest, and I also paid for my girls' dresses and make up. There's nothing else. Oh, except for hair and one already informed me she isn't getting her hair done.

Am I wrong here? Should I just scrap Fire Island and keep the credit and have a getaway with FH?
WWYD?

I'm so disappointed.

HI THERE!


Your just TOO NICE!

I'm sorry your going through this- that's so mena of your girls (no offense). I would talk to the BMs you feel closest to and see if any of them would want to come with you...otherwise, go with FH and do what they want I guess...

Your in a bad situation, it's mean of them and I'm sorry...

Thanks girls, I am so grateful for the friend who told me about this.

One of my MOH's is big on- 'you HAVE to be surprised'....but honestly, unless you're going to respect my wishes for beach and sun and wisk me away to Miami or something- I don't see how this fits. I booked it and handed over the reigns....I wasn't trying to be a control freak but my career is really hectic and how I spend my free time is really important to me.

It's about me right? Thanks for your responses and support, you girls get me through things like this.

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Posted by Jenna_and_John

I would explain to them that the Fire Island trip is really what you want. No one should be scrapping the bach plans that are for YOU and then inform you later. I'm sorry but I think you have every right to be bridezilla here and demand that bach party that you really want and have already planned for!!

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I ALMOST agree. Explain to them this is what you want. Explain to them what you said to us that the party bus is not your style or what you had in mind.

But no one should scrape the beach plans because and TELL you later.

Is it that the party would be $250 as opposed to $175?

Honestly, find out why they want to change it. If no one is into going to the beach, you wont have that good a time anyway right? Do they just HATE the idea? Not that it the end all and be all, but the point is so you ALL can have fun.

Tell them what you told us and find out whats going on. Is it money? Is it a whole weekend thats a problem? Do THEY just want to do a bus?

It may come down to you getting a credit *IF* they are all all completly against Fire Island.

Like I sid I know its what YOU want, but if they all hate it and will be miserable, what fun will it be in the long run?

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Posted by Juhgail

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Posted by Jenna_and_John

I would explain to them that the Fire Island trip is really what you want. No one should be scrapping the bach plans that are for YOU and then inform you later. I'm sorry but I think you have every right to be bridezilla here and demand that bach party that you really want and have already planned for!!

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I ALMOST agree. Explain to them this is what you want. Explain to them what you said to us that the party bus is not your style or what you had in mind.

But no one should scrape the beach plans because and TELL you later.

Is it that the party would be $250 as opposed to $175?

Honestly, find out why they want to change it. If no one is into going to the beach, you wont have that good a time anyway right? Do they just HATE the idea? Not that it the end all and be all, but the point is so you ALL can have fun.

Tell them what you told us and find out whats going on. Is it money? Is it a whole weekend thats a problem? Do THEY just want to do a bus?

It may come down to you getting a credit *IF* they are all all completly against Fire Island.

Like I sid I know its what YOU want, but if they all hate it and will be miserable, what fun will it be in the long run?

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I've been very clear that party buses are not my thing- I told my MOH that from day one when she wanted me to wear a p*nis veil- no thank you.

I'll talk to them to find out the back story....but if they didn't want to go, I would have invited others. We could have done brunch and that would have been fine but the point is I wanted my beach weekend and to go around telling people that 'Fire Island didn't work out and this is what we're doing' is wrong.

I'm going to go have a drink now, I really hate situations like this.

Can you pay the difference in price for each of them?

I know it's going to be a lot of money out of pocket to you, but in the grand scheme of the wedding planning, it could actually be a part of your budget. It may be worth another $1k out of your pocket to have the weekend you've always dreamed of. Then your friends would not have an excuse to deny you your dream.

I would not agree to a party bus around the city if that's not what you want to do. But you can't ask people to spend money they can't afford, either. Not in this economy.

Sorry I don't have a better solution.

dont cancel it!! if thats what you wanna do i think you should push for it!! i feel your pain because all i wanted to do for mine was go to ac overnight! get there early hang out by the pool go to dinner and clubs at night! crash and drive home the next morning! just annoying because everyone is planning what they want to do, not what i want to do! and i know people have budgets and cant spend that much, but im not asking for a trip to Vegas or the bahamas! im talking one night in AC! and i would do whatever anyone wanted in a heart beat!

i dont think a few extra bucks in your case is really that bad! i would totally rather go to fire island than the city!! im sooo not a city person!

push for your original plan!

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Posted by springsandra

Can you pay the difference in price for each of them?

I know it's going to be a lot of money out of pocket to you, but in the grand scheme of the wedding planning, it could actually be a part of your budget. It may be worth another $1k out of your pocket to have the weekend you've always dreamed of. Then your friends would not have an excuse to deny you your dream.

I would not agree to a party bus around the city if that's not what you want to do. But you can't ask people to spend money they can't afford, either. Not in this economy.

Sorry I don't have a better solution.

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thanks for the suggestion but I already paid for their dresses and make up- they don't have any expenses but this. At this point I would feel like I'm public assistance paying for the difference.

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

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Posted by springsandra

Can you pay the difference in price for each of them?

I know it's going to be a lot of money out of pocket to you, but in the grand scheme of the wedding planning, it could actually be a part of your budget. It may be worth another $1k out of your pocket to have the weekend you've always dreamed of. Then your friends would not have an excuse to deny you your dream.

I would not agree to a party bus around the city if that's not what you want to do. But you can't ask people to spend money they can't afford, either. Not in this economy.

Sorry I don't have a better solution.

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thanks for the suggestion but I already paid for their dresses and make up- they don't have any expenses but this. At this point I would feel like I'm public assistance paying for the difference.

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DEFINITELY DO NOT CANCEL!!!! If all they are paying for in the whole wedding is $250 that's a STEAL!!! They need to stop being little b!tches and do what you want....its YOUR b-party!

Sorry to go against the grain... To be honest I think asking people to spend that kind of money to stay on Fire Island is a lot to ask of people. Problem is its not just the expense of the room, everything is expensive. Drinks, food, even if you buy food at the grocery store, its NOT cheap.

I always wanted to do that too. I compromised and we are just going there for the evening. This way I am not asking them to shell out money for rooms, so I don't feel bad that they are shelling out money for food and drink. My girls are expecting to spend about $150-200 for the evening as it is.




Oh I just saw... did you pay for their dresses and makeup? They didn't have to buy their BM dresses themselves? If so then they should suck it up and pay to do what you want!

No way do I think you should pay the difference for the room or anything else for those girls... It sounds to me like you've done more than enough for them. Being in a bridal party is an expense PERIOD. It sounds to me like you are the furthest thing from a bridezilla making outrageous demands on your girls and they least they could do for you is take you where you want to go, to where you have your heart set on and do it with not only a smile but GENUINE enthusiasm... They are your friends right? And Im sure you would do it for them?

IF it was the point of $ then that person should ask to speak to you alone and say look I would LOVE to do that for you more than anything but due to my financial situation at the moment I cant. And then take it from there... If its 1 person who cant do it, make a separate plan with that person... If its more than 1 then maybe fine a happy compromise... Go for 1 night not 2... Or do something more local where you can spend the entire day and night together... Go to the beach and then go out to a club...

It's so wrong what your girls are doing and i'm so sorry. They should be counting their lucky stars that you paid for their dress and hair. I say forget them and go with your FH and have a fabulous weekend

My beautiful Chicas!
Thank you all for you responses- I appreciate the inquiries and support. Fire Island is on...seems one of my MOH's took it upon herself to cancel to make it more convenient (location and financially) so everyone so more could attend.

I'm sure deep down, she meant well....I guess this is one of those things that people don't understand until they are the bride. I still need to talk to her face to face to find out what happened but the important thing for me is that I am going to FI!!

Bridal Shower is tomorrow- stay tuned Happy Friday to all!

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

My beautiful Chicas!
Thank you all for you responses- I appreciate the inquiries and support. Fire Island is on...seems one of my MOH's took it upon herself to cancel to make it more convenient (location and financially) so everyone so more could attend.

I'm sure deep down, she meant well....I guess this is one of those things that people don't understand until they are the bride. I still need to talk to her face to face to find out what happened but the important thing for me is that I am going to FI!!

Bridal Shower is tomorrow- stay tuned Happy Friday to all!

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Im so glad you talked to them. It sounded like there was more to the story than JUST them doing what they wanted.

Im glad you talked to them! And im glad you are getting what you want.

Can I come?

Be well sweetie!