FSIL out of BP??

carolinebr Posted: Feb 06, 2007 03:50 PM

FSIL out of BP??

I can't say that I am all broken up over this, but FH has decided that his youngest sister is out of the BP. (Grinning on the inside) In fact, he told her not to come to the wedding at all. I have never seen him this upset.

They had a HUGE fight & in response, she pulled some really sick stunts this week. Too sick to even mention. She is totally insane and I mean that VERY seriously. She had mental problems & a drinking problem. Some of you may recall me mentioning her before. She is a HUGE alcoholic & her behavior is disgusting. She was trashed the night our families met & she used profanities at my father, passed out at the dinner table & totally ruined the evening. I have posted before about my fears of her ruining the wedding.

Now, the question: She put her deposit down on her dress. FH is insisting that I cancel her dress order (the actual order hasn't gone in yet b/c I am waiting for the rest of the BP to get with it, grrrr...) I say that we shouldn't cancel it b/c he may change his mind or they may make up, etc... what do you think? The way she treated FH this week is unexcusable. It makes me hate her (which I of course would never say to him). I honestly hope she DOESN'T come to the wedding. But do I cancel her dress order? I think no but I want your opinions...

SugaBeans Posted: Feb 06, 2007 03:56 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

I had something a guess you can say 'similar' I am the middle child and my older sister hates the fact that I am getting married b4 her. she acted liked a child when we announced our engagement. FH and I decided that there was no way she would be in our BP. now, 3 months later, the more i have been thinking about it, the more my mind changes. I dont want to regret a few years from now that my sister wasnt in my BP. and also, i dont want to deal with the thousands of questions everyone would be asking me if she wasn't in it. 'Why isnt you sister in your BP?' 'What happened?' The way she acted was completely unexceptable but I have just learned to put it aside. I dont know your circumstances but I just thought I would share my experience with you.

Hope this helps!

cindyandkevin Posted: Feb 06, 2007 04:13 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

I would cancel the order. If she and your FH make up then he can re-invite her to the wedding but I wouldn't let her back into the BP.

Maybe this will teach her a lesson; hopefully she'll realize her mistakes and try to seek help.

kat74 Posted: Feb 06, 2007 04:22 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

Quite honestly I think she should not be in the bridal party.... Cancel the order..... It should be that people are asked to be in the BP because you want them there-not out of obligation.
Do you really think there will be regret if she's not in the Bridal party?
Maybe he will change his mind and want her to attend the wedding, but allowing her to be in the BP and take such a HUGE risk of her ruining your day would be irresponsible of the both of you.

I have a raving alcoholic in my family (a cousin I grew up with) so believe me I understand your dilemma-- but you have been given the perfect OUT! Take it before you regret your generosity and big heart.

I remember your post about the parents meeting and her behavior-- that alone was enough to distance yourselves from her!

Do yourself and your FH a favor and have a peaceful, worry free day!

MrsQ-in2007 Posted: Feb 06, 2007 04:26 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

I agree that no matter what she does not belong in the bridal party. Even if she were to make up with your FH and he has a change of heart and wants her to go to your wedding, well you can always say that the dresses were already ordered and you cannot place an order for just one additional dress (won't match, they won't do it, etc). But you don't have to say anything... she shouldn't be in your bridal party and that's that. This happened for a reason, so take this opportunity to remove her from your party and relieve yourself of some stress.

Goldi1021 Posted: Feb 06, 2007 04:36 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

Cancel the order.

If she has behavioral problems and issues with alcohol, odds are that they will probably not be resolved in time for your wedding. She may in fact use your wedding to showcase her horrific behaviors in front of a larger audience. The last thing you want is a scene on your special day.

In addition, there is no law that says FSILs, SILs or Sisters have to be in a BP. I have two sisters and a SIL and DH has two sisters - none of them were in the BP. It had nothing to do with how we felt about them - we had our reasons for doing things the way we did. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen brides bamboozled into putting family members into bridal parties only to end up miserable and in tears.

Kimbalina Posted: Feb 06, 2007 08:33 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

cancel the order!

Trishthedish Posted: Feb 06, 2007 09:01 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

I do remember reading the post about when both families met and how she acted.

In all honesty, I would just cancel her dress. If he wants to re-invite her then fine. i would rather have her as just a guest than have her in my wedding party if I were you. If she is a guest, she will not have to be in all those pics and who knows what her behavior would be like during all that time. I say just cancel the dress and if need be, you can always just re-invite her as a guest.

HTH....

Jennie0898 Posted: Feb 06, 2007 09:06 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

Posted by cindyandkevin

I would cancel the order. If she and your FH make up then he can re-invite her to the wedding but I wouldn't let her back into the BP.

Maybe this will teach her a lesson; hopefully she'll realize her mistakes and try to seek help.

I was thinking the exact same thing.

jgl Posted: Feb 06, 2007 09:20 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

CANCEL WHILE YOU CAN.. SO SHE CAN't BE IN YOUR WEDDING!!!!!

DSNY08 Posted: Feb 06, 2007 09:30 PM

.

CourtandJon Posted: Feb 06, 2007 10:46 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

Cancel it!!! She does NOT deserve to be in your wedding party. IF she is even permitted to attend the wedding I think she should not be given the oportunity to stand out. She ruined that honor!

Gin-Char 104 Posted: Feb 06, 2007 11:07 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

Posted by Jennie0898

Posted by cindyandkevin

I would cancel the order. If she and your FH make up then he can re-invite her to the wedding but I wouldn't let her back into the BP.

Maybe this will teach her a lesson; hopefully she'll realize her mistakes and try to seek help.

I was thinking the exact same thing.

Ditto

SReidy Posted: Feb 06, 2007 11:19 PM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

IMO she's still family though she may be acting kind of dopey right now. In the scheme of things, what a couple hundred (if even probably) more dollars? If I were you I'd show my FH that I consider her family as well (since she will 'officially' be soon) and explain to him that 'just in case' you'd rather have the dress. if you don't end up using it- put it up on here for sale or put it on ebay and get some of your money back.
Weddings can bring out the worst in people- and it's usually b/c they're jealous so it's turning into hurt and anger. If you really think there's a shot of them reconciling before the wedding, you don't want to look back 25 years from now and regret that she wasn't able to be standing up for you in your bridal party. Good luck!

eelharas4700 Posted: Feb 07, 2007 01:05 AM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

Posted by cindyandkevin

I would cancel the order. If she and your FH make up then he can re-invite her to the wedding but I wouldn't let her back into the BP.

Maybe this will teach her a lesson; hopefully she'll realize her mistakes and try to seek help.

i agree. it sounds like some pretty bad things. its your fhs family and his request. if things do brighten up for them and he wants her to come and be part of the wedding, have her be a reader instead. if you go through with the order then what will happen to her dress? i'm sure if she's not in it, or even going she's not going to want to pay for the dress. i hope things work out for everyone.

carolinebr Posted: Feb 07, 2007 09:51 AM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

Thanks everyone...

I spoke to FH this morning & told him 'Maybe you're right. Maybe we should cancel the dress for your sister' I also said I am concerned b/c if I do cancel it & they make up, I fear his mother will never forgive me for kicking her daughter out and not having a dress for her. I am so torn on this one. FH said I should call his mom today & ask her. I'm not really into that idea....

On a side note, FSIL's antics continue. FH went to his parents house to pick up some clothes on Sunday. (We don't have much room for storage so he keeps clothes there.) FSIL still lives at home. When we went to hang his dress shirts in the closet when we got back, we noticed that she CUT ALL THE BUTTONS off his shirts & left gaping holes where they used to be. She also cut all the shoelaces on his shoes, sneakers & hiking boots. I am telling you guys, she is SERIOUSLY SICK IN THE HEAD!!!!

aprilv Posted: Feb 07, 2007 09:54 AM

Re: FSIL out of BP??

Cancel the order-I am sure you are trying to be the bigger person here-but you should go with your gut about her character as a person. If she is like that outside of a wedding she is most definitely going to be like that at the wedding!! You do not need that at all. If she ruined one event she will do it to another and before he calms down and starts feeling different-do it.