FSIL VENT - NEED ADVICE - kinda long

Ok. To start off FSIL thinks that I broke up FH and his ex... in a way I did but if he wasnt looking then we wouldnt have gotten together, so she thinks Im a homewrecker to begin with. We have had issues in the past with her running her mouth but she has apologised (sp?) and I just let it go.

ANYWAY this weekend we spent time at his parents cabin. His sister came there on Friday. She just found out she is pregnant a week ago. When she got there she made a comment about how Emma (my daughter) was bow legged. She is 1 she just learned how to walk and wears diapers... she is not bow legged and I told her so. FH said if she is having a girl then she can have Emma old clothes, she said 'I dont want your stuff'. She also told FMIL that she isnt going to have to drive 5 hours to see her grandchild, implying that her baby is going to replace Emma.

Day 2 - I told FH how badly she was annoying me with her comments. He told me to ignore her. I did. She would talk to me and I would one word responce her. She told FH's cousin that we don't get along at all. He told her to leave him alone that he didnt want to hear about it. Emma had food on her clothes. I said 'Emma your a mess' FSIL said 'you better run and change her' in a VERY sarcastic way. Emma was by stairs FSIL was about 5 feet behind her I ran over to her to keep her away. She said 'I had her' I said 'you would be surprised how fast she moves' her comment later was 'Karen doesn't let Emma experience anything for herself' (Like falling down stairs!!!!)

After her comments and just being rude she would come up to me and be nice like she was my best friend. She is SOOOOOOOO 2 faced. She would say things behind my back (FH's cousins wife would tell me the gossip) then come to me and be sweet as pie. God I hate her!

FH also feels the same way. He flipped her off and was calling her a b*tch and also told his parents that he wanted to punch her in the face.

My problem. I asked her to be my bridesmaid because I thought it would be the nice thing to do to try and mend things. Now after this weekend I dont want to have anything to do with her. Do I uninvite her and deal with that for the rest of my life or do I **** it up and deal with it???????

Please help!

I think uninviting her will cause more problems. Try to calm down a little and keep her in your party but you don't have to go the extra mile to be nice to her. Try avoiding her a little. I have the same problem with my FSIL. She threatened not to come to the wedding unless I invite her bratty children. So in order to keep the peace and be the better person, they are coming to the wedding. Just remember that you are the better person.

Was your FH married at the time you got together or just dating someone? If married, then regardless his sister was probably closes to his wife and that is a cause of stress and strain. If my brother started seeing someone while he was married I would have a huge problem with him AND the new women. sorry, but that is true. Now if they were just dating that is different. Then, while it was probably not the best judgement on his part to cheat, it is not the same as being married IMO. And the sister should put the past behind her.

I am sure this is a 2 way problem. You need to figure out a way to get along, both of you. Call her up and tell her 'I want us to get along and I just do not know how to do that. Your little comments hurt my feelings and I the comments you made about how I raise my daughter are also very hurtful.'
She is your FH's sister and you cannot change or alter that. you might never be best friends but you need to be fair and civil around one other.
Do not pull her from the bridal party, again she is your FSIL whether you like it or not. But if you don't try to discuss this with her then you are not helping the situation at all either.

Wow, I feel for you. She definitely has issues, but every time she gets to you remember that she is TRYING TO! Don't let her win, please! I think you may luck out with her being pregnant and she may not even end up in the BP. Ask her if she thinks she will still be able to be part of it and go from there.
You are very lucky that FH is on your side!! A friend of mine has a SIL who is pretty malicious and sneaky and her husband sticks up for her (the sister, not his wife). With your FH by your side, she doesn't matter.
You don't need to win the whole family over, just him. I believe in karma, so she'll get what's coming to her, they always do.
Good luck!

i think to be peaceful you should just leave her in..
but ask her if she will still be up to it because it will be 1 month after she just gave birth.. plus she needs to get the dress that the bp will be wearing and it will be tough getting it while she is pregnant, and wont know until after the baby is born what size she will be

Michele31 - FH was married at the time but he told his ex that he didnt want to be with her about 3 months before we got together. FSIL regards anyone she has met, even if it is for 10 minutes, one of her best friends. What FH did with his ex was his decision and his actions should be supported by his family even if they arent the best. FSIL also had FH's ex as her MOH in her wedding last August after they were divorced and I had her neice. Talk about loving the situation. This all happened 3 years ago... seriously in the past. She needs to get over it.

FSIL is mental. She has been in the psych ward for attempted suicide. She is on MANY pills for depression and she is bipolar. She is jealous of my daughter because her parents used to give all their attention to her and now they want to be with their grandchild.

FMIL and FFIL talk to me about how their daughter is such a PITA. She is so needy. She is 26 and moved out of the house last year. She is unemployed. She did have a job working for the state but quit because she couldnt have 4 days off to go on her honeymoon when she wanted to. She doesnt think things through.

She is the one that took $60 from my wallet in my own home then denied taking it.

I think her problem is people always pittied her and no one has ever told her to shut up and be an adult.

Her own mother told me that she is scared for the baby because FSIL is just a child. Its like a baby raising a baby. She has to learn how to take care of herself.

Sorry enough venting about that. I think I am going to ask her if she wants to be in the BP because she will have a newborn. I will try to play that card about the stress and the dresses and the cost. Maybe she will back out on her own.

what a b**chsoundsl ike she's jealous of you and the fact that you're happy while she's miserable!

and why would she accuse you of breaking your FH and his ex up - is it not common for peole to date more than one person in thier life? and if it makes you feel any better - when I met my Fh, he was engaged to someone eles....I didn't break them up, per say.....

try and focus on the happy things - like your FH and your wedding!!

Now that you added the piece about her having a mental illness, it puts everything in a different perspective. It's not as simple to say she's a b*tch. She's sick. And she probably won't change so don't think you'll ever win her over. It'll just hurt you.
If your FIL's need to coddle her, keep in mind they probably have a lot of guilt and their own issues about her attempted suicide. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!! I'm not trying ot make you feel bad for her, not at all because she should be in therapy, but it's not you. It's her. And I would bet $ that your FH's ex didn't think they were as close as your FSIL thinks. She's probably blown it up in her own head.

to you - she sounds like she is just jealous!

goldilocks you are right about FH's ex not thinking they are as close as she thinks she is, FH told me so.


Thanks guys Im going to try to not let it get to me, its so hard. I get along with the rest of the family, extended and FIL's so well, she is just a thorn in my side. Oh well.

It sounds as though she has unresolved issues regading someone who is no longer part of the equation - this is not your problem.

Unfortunately, I think removing her would only create bigger problems & actually make it look as though she is justified (in a sick twisted way) to someone who is not privvy to the whole situation.

I say invlove her as little as possible & just have her show up & wear the dress.

Good Luck