Fuming

Hawks Nest Posted: Nov 28, 2007 03:57 PM

Fuming

I am so angry right now. I decided when picking my bridal party that I just wanted close family and friends in it. I decided on my 2 first girl cousins, my best friend, sister in law and very close family friend. Well I just got home from work today and got a combined letter in the mail from my 2 cousins that they can not make the financial and personal commitment to be in my wedding. I am so angry. First they did not even have the balls to tell me in person they wrote me a letter. Second all they would have needed to buy was their dress. I told my mother and my grandmother that they are not welcomed in our house or at anything that has to do with my wedding.

Sorry just had to vent.

skinny237 Posted: Nov 28, 2007 04:01 PM

Re: Fuming

I don't understand why they wouldn't have called u? A letter? How impersonal! I'd be fuming too.

Sorry this happened to u!

AS Posted: Nov 28, 2007 04:03 PM

Re: Fuming

AWWWW Im sorry to hear this. Are you guys close? If my fam member did this I would confront them

Hawks Nest Posted: Nov 28, 2007 04:04 PM

Re: Fuming

The one is my god daughter...

HeatherRose Posted: Nov 28, 2007 04:05 PM

Re: Fuming

aww Im sorry this is happening, but know oyur not alone, I think this is one of the more common issues with weddings, is the bridal parties..
Sometimes (and I found out this way to) friends can be better then any family!

FutureMrsC Posted: Nov 28, 2007 04:05 PM

Re: Fuming

I understand your frustration. They definitely should have given you enough respect to tell you in person. A letter was pretty tactless on their part. However, I must agree with them in saying that being in the bridal party is a huge financial commitment. It is not just the dress, but hair and make up, shoes, bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc. When I was in my friend's BP, I spent at least $1000. They should have though about this before they accepted to be a part of the wedding but unfortunely they chose to back out in a very cowardly way. I hope this doesn't ruin things for you. Good luck with the rest of planning.

lucamon Posted: Nov 28, 2007 05:05 PM

Re: Fuming

I also asked my cousin to be in my bridal party and she accepted but she is away for college. So far she has not participated in anything and she feels really bad for not being there. Have you talked your cousins and ask them why? other than financial reasons.

lkdrnw Posted: Nov 28, 2007 05:06 PM

Re: Fuming

Aww--I am sorry, I would call and ask them
It was not right that they wrote a joint letter

CMS Posted: Nov 28, 2007 05:08 PM

Re: Fuming

Posted by FutureMrsC

I understand your frustration. They definitely should have given you enough respect to tell you in person. A letter was pretty tactless on their part. However, I must agree with them in saying that being in the bridal party is a huge financial commitment. It is not just the dress, but hair and make up, shoes, bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc. When I was in my friend's BP, I spent at least $1000. They should have though about this before they accepted to be a part of the wedding but unfortunely they chose to back out in a very cowardly way. I hope this doesn't ruin things for you. Good luck with the rest of planning.

I definitely agree that being in a bridal party is a huge finanical commitment. After being in five bridal parties, I had to start declining because it was becoming too much money I was spending.

I understand why you're upset, but unfortunately, some people aren't good with 'confronting' people and maybe they thought this was the best way to tell you.

Please don't let this ruin family relationships. A wedding is just one day, family is family for life.

Mici n KC Posted: Nov 28, 2007 05:13 PM

Re: Fuming

Being in a BP is a big financial commitment unless they weren't going to pay for hair, makeup or your shower or BP. They definitely took the cowardly way out. I would confront them about it and tell them it was pretty lame. If they had an issue with the financial commitment they should have told you in person.

Hawks Nest Posted: Nov 28, 2007 05:27 PM

Re: Fuming

The main reason I am so mad is that they could not contact me in person. I was just with them on Thanksgiving. Plus if they would have talked to me I would have told them that my mother is paying for the shower and I do not want a BP. So now according to me they are not even invited to teh wedding. This is just the thing there family does. My uncle did not even come to my engagement party becasue he wanted to go hunting..

longislandlibrarian Posted: Nov 28, 2007 05:33 PM

Re: Fuming

OHHH i am sooo sorry!!!!! that was the cowardly way out they shouldnt have dont that to you!

lucamon Posted: Nov 28, 2007 06:08 PM

Re: Fuming

Posted by Hawks Nest

The main reason I am so mad is that they could not contact me in person. I was just with them on Thanksgiving. Plus if they would have talked to me I would have told them that my mother is paying for the shower and I do not want a BP. So now according to me they are not even invited to teh wedding. This is just the thing there family does. My uncle did not even come to my engagement party becasue he wanted to go hunting..

I'm sorry.

Those girls have no clue the fun they will be missing out on!

FutureMrsLehmann Posted: Nov 28, 2007 06:10 PM

Re: Fuming

I know what they did really stinks, but maybe once things settle down you'll want them at the wedding still. If you were close enough with them that you care whether or not their in the wedding, then you might regret down the line if you uninvite them.

Happybride2005 Posted: Nov 28, 2007 08:06 PM

Re: Fuming

u said u talked to your mom and grandmother about this. how do they feel about the situation.

here's some

Violet19 Posted: Nov 28, 2007 08:13 PM

Re: Fuming

That is not right. I would react the same way you are, but I would confront them on their actions. If nothing else let them know that it is really tacky and hurtful to decline in the manner they did.

JoesFutureWife Posted: Nov 28, 2007 09:15 PM

Re: Fuming

My Fh's cousin dropped out the day we were supposed to go order the dresses for reasons she can't explain which is odd cause when we told her she was in the bp she cried her eyes out with excitement (it would've been her first bp). Needless to say a month later things are still weird. I know how you're feeling.

PegaLega Posted: Nov 28, 2007 09:27 PM

Re: Fuming

Maybe I am on the opposite side of the fence, but I think that you are going a little far with being upset-unless there is more that we dont know about and that is why it is so upsetting to you. As I understand that a letter is tactless, but maybe they didnt know how to tell you and you have to consider other factors. Yes maybe they dont have the finances to do it, but you have to remember its also a big commitment regardless of just the dress and they may not want to be a part of it. Trust me, I understand how it feels to feel scorned, but you have to take it into perspective that its your wedding and not everyone wants to be a big part of a wedding.

Im sorry that they upset you

ETA: alot of the reason people decline in strange ways, text messages, emails, letters, is b/c usually the bride will say 'oh dont worry about it, I will help you, it shouldnt be that much, etc.' and people dont want to be guilted once they make up their mind.