FUNNYYY!!! and true at the same time!!
Just got this as an email... you might have seen it before but for those who havn't enjoy!!
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This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to an American company regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after
the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core
or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback
riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and
down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite
feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only
company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that
maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each
month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I
can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through
my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred
hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must
know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control
behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants . . which
brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping
so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad,
and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a HappyPeriod.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual
smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did
anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?
Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there
will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you
have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your
house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's
armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze
of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to
say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere.
And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t.
And that's a promise I will keep Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
____________
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______________________________________
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to an American company regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after
the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core
or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback
riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and
down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite
feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only
company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that
maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each
month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I
can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through
my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred
hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must
know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control
behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants . . which
brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping
so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad,
and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a HappyPeriod.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual
smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did
anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?
Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there
will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you
have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your
house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's
armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze
of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to
say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere.
And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t.
And that's a promise I will keep Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
____________
