Okay, so here's the situation...I love my FIL's - they are wonderful people but sometimes I think I'm marrying into SUCH a strange family. Literally EVERY weekend and sometimes both days every weekend, there are family plans with them. Not that we go to all of them but we get invited and it's always a guilt trip if we can't make it.
For instance - we just saw them this past Saturday night for FMILs birthday. We turned down the invitation for the next day to celebrate 'St Josephs Day' (don't even get me started). Then next Saturday we have his cousin's confirmation party at the Coral House. Then the Sunday after that is Easter. Well, his mother just calls to see if we can come out to their house to celebrate his brothers birthday either this Sunday or next Sunday. Hello - couldn't we have combined his mothers and his brothers birthdays? Its not like I don't like these people, but it gets a little boring. His dad is the most quiet person I've ever met and they don't have any other outlets besides work and family. Plus they live all the way out in Wading River and its a schlep from NYC every f'ing weekend.
Thankfully my FH agrees with me but what can we do - there is no escape from family!!! I come from a big Italian family as well but this is out of control.
nrvbrd
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Re: Future-Family Vent (LONG)
I totally agree with you, this is out of control. I am all about spendimg time with family, but sometimes it can be overwhelming.
Thankfully you have Fh in your corner. Do what you can and no more.
They really need to make some friends and develop some hobbies.
sanmik
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Re: Future-Family Vent (LONG)
I was just about to say 'they have to be Italian'. I understand completely. My month of May is already booked. It does get to a point where it's too much. Just be grateful you have a wonderful family. People would love to change places with you. Try to start making more excuses like you have something planned already, or not feeling well, etc. As long as you go once or twice a month to see them, they can't say anything. Or invite them over more, then they'll see the inconvience of all that traveling. Good Luck.
jennyg
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Re: Future-Family Vent (LONG)
LMAO - they REALLY do need to make some friends and get some hobbies!!!! Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better already.
Oh, and good idea about inviting them over. Once we move to Nassau I'm sure they'll actually come over but God-forbid they would ever have to drive 'the city'....they've never even seen our apartment and we've been there for TWO years!
butterfly20
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Re: Future-Family Vent (LONG)
just make the ones you can & most important ones, other than that dont feel guilty.. durring certain times of the year my FIL's have parties each weekend both days,sometimes you cant make it cause of friends plans, etc..
ddunne23
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Re: Future-Family Vent (LONG)
SET THE BOUNDARIES NOW! Or else it will only get worse. Make sure his family understands that the two of you are starting a new family and that you are by no means withdrawing yourselves from the family, but that they should understand that there are times when you will not be able to attend these huge family gatherings. Also, if and when you have a family of your own, I'm sure there will be holidays and occasions where you just want to stay home with your husband and children. Start planting the seeds for this now. It may take a while for them to understand!
dkga1026
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Re: Future-Family Vent (LONG)
I totally agree with setting the boundaries! I went through the same thing when I first got married - my MIL (whose food is so nasty I would rather eat **** ) used to invite us over for dinner every weekend. In the beginning I would go, but after a while it got tiring. Finally, on New Years Day she invited us over to dinner and I said 'No thanks!'. She tried to talk me into it, but I stood my ground firmly. I know she was very insulted, but after having hosted a party for 30 people the night before all I wanted to do was clean my house and veg out with DH. She must have taken the hint because she's calmed down since then.
michele31
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Re: Future-Family Vent (LONG)
You cannot change your in-laws or their ways but you can control your reaction to them. Just be honest and tell them 'It is a very long trip for us to make 2 days in a row. We only get 2 days off per week and I have to get some errands and cleaning done'. Limit your visits to twice a month or so. That is very fair. Consider inviting them to your place once in a while, so they understand the trip. As long as you and DH agree, there are no problems
Scoop
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Re: Future-Family Vent (LONG)
It sounds as if you are taking the right approach to the situation. Attend the important stuff and kindly decline the other invitations.
kmcwed
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Re: Future-Family Vent (LONG)
Yikes!! I agree that you have to set the boundaries now. You have a family too. What is going to happen on Holidays when they BOTH want you to visit?? My sister is involved in a family like this. Her side is very easy going and doesn't make demands. His side is extremely demanding, dinner EVERY Sunday, HAVE to be there on Holidays (what about her side???). It's as if her side of the family does not exist. It can cause a lot of problems.
At least your FH agrees with you. You'll just have to get good at graciously turning down her invitations.
